u/YngvildTheRed

I can’t.. And tired of fighting, as it just makes my heart even worse.

I just can’t function. Lost everything to this.
For 6 year now. 6 wasted fucking years of frequent multifocal PVCs, PACs, interpolated ones, daily small SVTs, bigeminy and now more than likely NSVT.
I live in constant fear, constantly on guard. I have got dysautonomia, IBS and become mostly bedbound due to this. Which just makes it all the more worse. 2 years ago, I thought I had battled the fears, and felt alive for 1 year (2024) as I turned 30. They went from an average 2-8% burden to less than 1% on average. My stomach started getting better too. But then last year I started getting what I’m certain is NSVT. Cause it feels nothing like my other stuff. It feels like intense and fast PVCs in a row, with no pause. Only 5 felt ones last year, but this year I’ve felt 7 already; 3 of them in the same weak, and some of them last 10 seconds, and two came back to back - the latest went lile like PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-pause-PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-pause-flutter run (8 beat SVT)-pause-normal.. I used to only get the 3-5 beat ones. I’ve also started getting more couplets and triplets. Often after my period, where my stomach is also messed up (very vagal reactive). My fascia is so stiff and glued together from constantly being tense and inactive, that it feels like it’s pulling my organs. It has completely knocked me down. I live in constant fear now after the NSVT runs started too, and don’t feel joy at all. On guard in anything I do. Not leaving the house. Scared of every single skip now, Just waiting for the next run; as they always came when I wasn’t on guard and made a wrong move, or felt a little hot, or ate a little too much, or massaged a wrong spot on my stomach.

I’ve tried therapy, but it isn’t working. Cardiologists don’t care as I have normal echo, and my NSVT runs never get recorded. Tried various doctors for help, reached out for 6 years. I don’t see any future or freedom again, it’s just battling through every day. And what for? More of the same, and the closer I get to menopause (despite only being 32 currently), the worse it will probably get. I have nothing. All my dreams lost. It’s not even the frequency anymore, the singular burden got lower, it’s the lost trust in my heart.
Severely depressed and very dark thoughts some days. These arrythmias makes me feel bipolar.
I would take SSRI, if it wasn’t for SSRI’s triggering all this heart hell to begin with.

Having cardiophobia and then getting actual arrythmias has been and is a living hell.
I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I was such a happy and healthy person, full of dreams and potential. Now I’m.. this. Wasted life and stuck with no way out it seems. Only in my dreams. At least I sleep well. That’s the best time of the day.

I just can’t function. Lost everything to this.
For 6 year now. 6 wasted fucking years of frequent multifocal PVCs, PACs, interpolated ones, daily small SVTs, bigeminy and now more than likely NSVT.
I live in constant fear, constantly on guard. I have got dysautonomia, IBS and become mostly bedbound due to this. Which just makes it all the more worse. 2 years ago, I thought I had battled the fears, and felt alive for 1 year (2024) as I turned 30. They went from an average 2-8% burden to less than 1% on average. My stomach started getting better too. But then last year I started getting what I’m certain is NSVT. Cause it feels nothing like my other stuff. It feels like intense and fast PVCs in a row, with no pause. Only 5 felt ones last year, but this year I’ve felt 7 already; 3 of them in the same weak, and some of them last 10 seconds, and two came back to back - the latest went lile like PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-pause-PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-PVC-pause-flutter run (8 beat SVT)-pause-normal.. I used to only get the 3-5 beat ones. My longest counted was 15 beats, but may have been longer as I didn’t feel on my pulse instantly and the beats are fast/tumbling. I’ve also started getting more couplets and triplets. Often after my period, where my stomach is also messed up (very vagal reactive). My fascia is so stiff and glued together from constantly being tense and inactive, that it feels like it’s pulling my organs. It has completely knocked me down. I live in constant fear now after the NSVT runs started too, and don’t feel joy at all. On guard in anything I do. Not leaving the house. Scared of every single skip now, Just waiting for the next run, restricting what I eat, how I move and what I do; as they always came when I wasn’t on guard and made a wrong move, or felt a little hot, or ate a little too much, or massaged a wrong spot on my stomach.

I’ve tried therapy, but it isn’t working. Cardiologists don’t care as I have normal echo, and my NSVT runs never get recorded. Tried various doctors for help, reached out for 6 years. I don’t see any future or freedom again, it’s just battling through every day. And what for? More of the same, and the closer I get to menopause (despite only being 32 currently), the worse it will probably get. I have nothing. All my dreams lost. It’s not even the frequency anymore, the singular burden got lower, it’s the lost trust in my heart.
Severely depressed and very dark thoughts some days. These arrythmias makes me feel bipolar.
I would take SSRI, if it wasn’t for SSRI’s triggering all this heart hell to begin with.

I don’t even recognise myself anymore. I was such a happy and healthy person, full of dreams and potential. Now I’m.. this. Wasted life and stuck with no way out it seems. Only in my dreams. At least I sleep well. That’s the best time of the day.

Anyone get heart arrythmias with hormonal fluctations? Like ovulation and period, and in between. It’s been going on for years (since I was 26, now 32 - and they are a bit better now, but still flare) and give me so much anxiety. Especially when they come in runs and clusters. Been diagnosed with PVCs, PACs, bigeminy, short SVTs and NSVT. I also get pounding on/off. I feel like the heart thing is also really affected by my stomach - and my stomach flare due to hormones too. So it’s like a combi that just set things off. It gives me so much anxiety, and makes me feel like a ticking bomb. Ruins my mental health. 😪

Even though I’m not near menopause and my mother had no symptoms during hers, I absolutely dread when that time comes; if my heart already react like this to relatively normal hormonal fluctations. Also giving up my dream of ever having a baby, due to this heart crap. Feels like it’s ruined and rule my life at this point. I can’t mentally or physically ignore it. Just feel like staying home for at least 2 weeks a month.

Anyone get heart arrythmias with hormonal fluctations? Like ovulation and period, and in between. It’s been going on for years (since I was 26, now 32 - and they are a bit better now, but still flare) and give me so much anxiety. Especially when they come in runs and clusters. Been diagnosed with PVCs, PACs, bigeminy, short SVTs and NSVT. I also get pounding on/off. I feel like the heart thing is also really affected by my stomach - and my stomach flare due to hormones too. So it’s like a combi that just set things off. It gives me so much anxiety, and makes me feel like a ticking bomb. Ruins my mental health. 😪

Even though I’m not near menopause and my mother had no symptoms during hers, I absolutely dread when that time comes; if my heart already react like this to relatively normal hormonal fluctations. Also giving up my dream of ever having a baby, due to this heart crap. Feels like it’s ruined and rule my life at this point. I can’t mentally or physically ignore it. Just feel like staying home for at least 2 weeks a month.

F32. I don’t even know if anyone here will relate to this, but I feel completely trapped in my own body and life.

For 6 years I’ve lived with real heart arrhythmias (PVCs, PACs, bigeminy, SVT and NSVT), on top of severe cardiophobia that developed after traumatic episodes. People hear “benign” and think that means it doesn’t destroy your life, but living in constant fear and discomfort of your own heartbeat is exhausting beyond words. And has left me bedridden, depressed, scared to even leave the house and with dysautonomia due to the constant triggering of the nervous system.

Every movement, every meal, every change in temperature, every cluster or run of arrythmias can trigger panic and hypervigilance. I’m constantly monitoring myself, constantly waiting for the next episode, cause my heart has shown it can’t be trusted. And when I finally have days where I let go, and start to feel some happiness again; I’m soon beaten down by the next arrythmia flare. I used to have dreams and plans and a future and family. I was such a positive person. Now my entire life revolves around surviving the day and trying not to trigger symptoms.

I’ve been to doctors, therapists, cardiologists. I’ve tried medications, reassurance, coping strategies. People either tell me “it’s anxiety” or “it’s benign,” but neither changes the reality that I feel imprisoned by this every single day. I isolated myself over the years and lost so much of my life to this. I can’t physically or mentally ignore it. The worst part is feeling like nobody really understands how debilitating this combination is: having actual arrhythmias while also being terrified of them.

I don’t even know what I’m asking for anymore. Maybe I just want to know if anyone has ever been this trapped and somehow found a way to keep going or rebuild some kind of life again. The more time that pass, the more relapsed and episodes; the more hopeless and depressed I feel. The future looks bleak, I already fear what my heart will do by the time I would reach menopause. And gave up on any dream I had, including traveling the world and having a family. Gave up on social life, relationships, studies, lost work. The only reason I’m still trying to survive this, is due to my severe fear of death. But beyond that, I don’t even feel alive anymore. Just wish I could sleep forever. At least I’m free, healthy and happy in my dreams.

To afraid to live, too afraid to die.

Kind of weird topic when spelled like this, but;

About 9 years ago I rescued a tiny 2 kg puppy who had broken both her front legs and severe anxiety. With time and patience she became a very sweet little dog, but she’s still nervous around strangers. About 8 years ago, my friend met me outside at night and suddenly put her hand through the car window without warning. My dog got startled and snapped toward her finger. She didn’t bite her, and honestly barely even has teeth, but still made a mark (according to my friend) and I corrected my dog and apologized. At the same time, I also told my friend that suddenly sticking your hand into a nervous dog’s space will scare them.

Ever since then, my friend has absolutely hated my dog.
Every single time my dog is mentioned, she brings up the same story: “She bites”, “I hate that dog”, “You defended her for biting me” etc. I have to constantly hear how amazing her cats are, but I can’t even mention my dog without her getting hostile and looking disgusted. I’ve explained countless times over the years that my dog was frightened and reacted once, that she is not aggressive and that it hurts me when she keeps takikg that same story up, but the story never dies.

Yesterday I stopped by to bring my friend probiotics for her sick cat. My dog stayed in the car. A random woman walked by and said, “What a cute little dog,” and my friend immediately yelled: “She bites!”. Then she tapped on the car window until my dog barked and said: “See? She’s aggressive.” The woman had a dog with her too, and when my friend reached for it, it growled too.

At that point I finally snapped and told her to *get over it*, and that I’m done hearing about it and that I will not hear anymore of this. I told her from now on I’ll keep my dog away from her completely and that she can’t go near her. I am well aware she can’t stand her (she’s told me 1000 time) and I don’t want to hear another comment about her.
Now my friend says I’m treating HER like she’s dangerous to the dog or in the wrong, when according to her the dog is the dangerous one. But honestly, I’m just exhausted and frustrated (cause I love my dog, and I love my friend). My dog reacted one single time 8 years ago when under training, and I feel like my friend has spent nearly a decade taking every opportunity to belittle her for that reason alone, which I frankly find pathetic, despite our close relationship.

She’s is clearly upset with me now, and says I’ve hurt her feelings and that I now prove I don’t care she was “bitten”. Which is untrue, cause she was not hurt and I did not praise my dog for snapping as she claims. I just explained the reason my dog did it. Why the hell would I praise my dog for biting her? And it’s 8 darn years ago. But she keeps on hurting mine with this, despite us having talked it through countless(!!!!) times. So I don’t really know what else to do. She’ll probably continue talking about it when my dog is mentioned, but at least she can’t be passive aggressive and provocative *towards her*. Or in case she snapped again, I’m sure I’d hear about it until my grave.

Do you get runs too? Couplets, Triplets, NSVT? Not SVT.

I have low burden nowadays, but always terrified they will get worse again. Lately I’ve been getting runs instead of frequent singles. I used to get frequent multifocal single PVCs and PACs and many small daily SVTs. But didn’t really feel the SVTs, they were light and fluttery or just regular hard pounding (not sure, as I can’t pinpoint them; despite being on the holters). The ones I feel now with my lower burden feels exactly like HARD PVCs without the pause after. Feels absolutely horrifying and awful. Sometimes I get head pressure and lightheaded, but usually not. I feel those symptoms may be the adrenaline kicking in, or my vagus nerve (which feels like it’s the one setting off runs too, as it’s usually positional or stomach pressure related; aside from slightly hormonal sensitive). Feel the hard thud (like after the pause) flipflopping, fast beats when feeling pulse, but no pause. Up to 10 seconds now. Sometimes I get bigeminy in between two small runs. It doesn’t feel like the bigeminy, as when I get those in cluster there are an obvious pause between weird beat. The just comes as quick beatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeat no break in between, and feeling hard rolling like, like PVCs - as said just without the break. Never been caught on holter; as it used to be just 1-3 seconds a few times a hear. Now it’s at least a few times monthly, and up to 10 seconds. It has made me terrified of even my singles, eating, moving, anything; as I fear they will turn into these runs or get worse.

I wonder if the ones with higher burdens stay at single beats, or if they too get NSVT (or whatever it is) runs. I don’t know how people cope with this. 6 years in (F32 now) and I feel like my life is ruined. I’ve lost my life, happiness, safety and future dreams. I don’t get why this is happening…

I’ve also seen so many posts about low burdens suddenly going crazy, jumping from 1% to 10-30% or into constant bigeminy, runs, what not. Which has left me horrified. I kind of wish I never read these forums, as much as they have helped feeling less alone too. But it has definitely made me more anxious over the what ifs than ever.

I have always had cardiophobia, but now I have actual arrythmias (frequent multifocal PVCs, PACs, bigeminy, SVT and NSVT). I just don’t know how to mentally survive this. I’m severely depressed and has ruined my nervous system after years of this misery; and feeling like a ticking bomb.. I don’t even leave the house anymore, totally inactive for these 5 years since it started, see no future and constantly on my guard in everything I do. The NSVT runs are getting more frequent and longer.

F32.

Since both my polymorphic PVCs and PACs developed into first bigeminy, and then runs. I feel like I can’t trust my “just ectopics” anymore. 😢 I feel like a ticking bomb, and that it will only get worse in the future due to age and hormones.

I barely have ectopics anymore, but I’ve started getting what I’m 95% sure is NSVT, and they are getting longer and more frequent. But no one believes me, as they have yet to be recorded. And they don’t care because my echos seemingly are normal. 😪 I’ve had multifocal PVCs, PACs, SVTs, bigeminy and what not, and it does NOT feel like that. This feel like PVCs setting off with no break/pause in between, just a flipfloping of beats, often times two runs after each other (with just one pause break between the runs). Always triggered by stomach or certain positions/movements. I’m so miserable, sad, depressed, close to giving up. I’ve tried to get used to my heart for 6 years, but I can’t when they constantly change pattern and show me they can’t be trusted to not go into runs. Yesterday I had my longest run. Was sitting in the sun feeling rather hot, after eating some Indian cousine. Laughed over something, lifted my iPad and then BOOM right away it set into hard fast PVCs without pause between, lasted 3-5 seconds (at least 6-20 beats) before I felt my pulse, and then came a pause, some fast beats, another pause and then back to normal in a split second. Probably lasted 8-10 seconds in total. I didn’t get to feel fear in the moment, just a “giving up” feeling, and felt no dizzyness or headpressure as I sometimes do with these runs. But after it hit me, I started crying and had an anxiety attack. Been overthinking and worrying about it ever since, fearing it will happen again too (and it will, as it always does, shorter or longer). Then went to bed. Today I don’t even feel like getting up or eating. Feel like a ticking bomb, and that my life is over in any case. Can’t live like this. I have lost everything, and have no life and see no future. My muscles and fascia is also completely glued together now, giving neuropathy and muscles ceamps, from being in bed 85% of the time since I was 26 (32 now). My nervous system can’t tolerate any stimulants, from being in the same position and room most of the time for half a decade. I’m so deconditioned at this point, and tense (even hold my breath) up as soon as my heart rate up, as it brings my mind right back to my worst rund and certain movements + feeling hot often triggers runs, along with dysautonomia symptoms too. Everytime I let go and try to live, my heart retraumatise me with some new or worsened rhytmn. I haven’t left my house aside from a few doctors appointments in 6 months. This damn heart and prison of a body is the only cause for my anxiety and depression, and I can’t go on like this. I’ve tried therapy, it doesn’t work for me, as it’s actual physical symptoms doing it. I also have dysautonomia now. No doctor believes me anyway, and too tired to fight anymore. What am I fighting for? I can’t live like this, can’t get a future, can’t get a family, can’t get back my freedom or anything anymore anyway. It’s never ending, I’m done… I feel like I’m just surviving for nothing at this point. I also have a persistent ovarian cyst I’ve been due to get removed in 6 years, but haven’t dared due to my heart. I don’t dare anything anymore, cause my body and heart keeps proving it can’t be trusted. What’s even the point. I only feel like sleeping every day. It’s all too overwhelming, and tired of suffering and these constant repeated traumatising episodes. My nervous system don’t get a break, and SSRI is not an option (set off my arrythmias to begin with).

Now I fear that all these years of inactivity had clogged my arteries, as that very much runs in the family. Probably just an anxiety thought, but I know it will become reality if I do nothing. But I’m a prisoner in my own body, due to my f*cking heart. It has ruined my life. I don’t feel any joy anymore, and if I do for a split second, it’s sure to remind me not to by throwing me into some run.