r/Infidelity

So my brother cheated on his wife in December 2025 at a Christmas work party, she found out in Feb 2026 because he fell asleep with his phone open and she saw that he was sending 'I love you' and 'miss you babe' in Snapchat to this girl, chaos ensued and she kicked him out to our mums house.

Next day I go over and ask what happened and he admits to me that it's true, he told me that they had sex (UNPROTECTED I MIGHT ADD!!!) I immediately mentioned that could she be pregnant?!?! and in his words "Nah it's been a while and I was drunk so I couldn't finish", I asked if his wife knew he said to me and my mum no and that he can't ever tell her because it'll be the end of the marriage for sure.

[Some info for context:
- They had their first kid in Feb 2025, the baby is a really poor sleeper, possibly lactose intolerant (so extra fussy) and I think they've just really struggled adjusting to parenthood, lack of sleep, lack of intimacy, ya know.

- They're now both in individual therapy & marriage counselling because of this cheating]

Fast-forward to this week, I guess they're trialling a separation, he said he wants a divorce but she wants to try make it work, he's moved back into mums for a month with the hope that 'the break will bring them closer' and said he'll drive down to help out with day care pick ups and stuff like that.

I'm not sure how many people he's told the full story but seeing my sister in law fight for her family to stick together while taking on the full responsibility of a just over 1 year old while my brother has moved back with mum for a month having a much smoother ride makes me just want to tell her the truth ASAP.

She deserved to know the FULL TRUTH, there's no way she'd stick around if she knew, I feel it would save her heartache and make her choice a whole lot easier. But my only issue is I don't want her to know it came from me, if it came back to me I think my mum and brother wouldn't want anything to do with me, as selfish as it sounds.

Open to advice, really anything!

I am devastated. I'm 46f, he is 52m, we first met 20 years ago. Back then, we had a situationship and we fell deeply in love. I have never connected with someone like we did. We clicked in every way. We were together on and off for 18 months. It ended due to complicated life circumstances. There was no malice involved on either side, but it was incredibly painful for us both.

I have thought about him at least twice a week since we first split, so many things remind me of him. A few years after we split, I tried to find him on Facebook, etc, with no luck. I checked every year or so.

Last November, he sent me a Facebook friend request. I immediately accepted and sent a message. We saw each other a couple of days later, and within a month, he had moved in. We were so happy.

In the last couple of months, intimacy dropped off. I felt rejected and angry. Things didn't improve much

3 days ago, I saw a message from his ex that raised my suspicion. Today, he fell asleep, and I went through his phone. I didn't see anything inappropriate in their messages.

Before I gave his phone back, I checked his photos. I found screenshots in the deleted section and discovered he was sending sexual messages to women from a website called Locanto. It's similar to the Craigslist hook up page.

I checked his messages on Locanto and confirmed there were at least 6 messages since we have been together. I did see in 2 messages that he told the women the area he lives in. I let my anger take over. Instead of reading everything, I confronted him.

He said it was a mistake, just a horny message when I was sleeping. We fought, and he became angry and defensive. I told him to get out. He argued that he deserves a second chance, that it was just a message, he didn't touch anyone, so it wasn't cheating. I accused him of attempting to meet up with other women, and he denied it.

I gave him an ultimatum - he shows me the messages to prove he didn't meet anyone or try to. He refused, claiming he admitted he was wrong and apologised. He also said that I was wrong to go through his phone, and reading the messages would not help.

I spent about an hour arguing my point - he did the wrong thing. Sending sexual messages is still cheating in my eyes, and I can't move forward and forgive him without full transparency.

I kicked him out. This has all happened in the last 2 hours, I feel numb. I'm not ready to tell my friends yet, and they are biased in my favour.

So, I've decided to turn to reddit. Do you think my ultimatum was reasonable or not?

It might sound weird, but i genuinely mean it. I finally know my husband of 4 years has been cheating on me for the past few months. Now, I get angry and frustrated whenever I imagine them together, doing all the things we used to do. I'm not like I used to around him, I'm cold and distant, I used to do everything for him, not anymore. I don't comfort him, prepare food for him, I don't smile at him or touch him. I thought I went through the whole grieving process, and past few days I didn't have any reaction to him talking about her, I really didn't care because I was already far in the process of mentally getting out.

But the weird part is that there's a little part in me that says that the idiot will come back, I'll set new rules and boundaries and we'll just carry on. I know this is a fantasy and that it's not real. But deep inside, when I don't think about it, it's almost as if I could forgive him for everything. Logically, I don't think that's right, but I somehow cannot feel it 100%. It's so hard for me to hate him, as if I still want to believe that he's the same as I met him. I don't know what to do, how to convince myself to feel disgusted by what he did.

Remember this moment… a month. Months. A year from now. Hopefully you’ll be in a better place. You’re in the bathroom crying because your kids have taken turns being sick for the past month and a half. You’ve been alone for the majority of that time because he’s always away working and disconnected.

And in the midst of it all you find out your husband has been cheating.

This is a journey post. In hopes that in the (hopefully) near future, brighter days will be on u. You won’t feel alone and you will have the strength to carry on. Because in this moment u are hopeless. And in his eyes, too emotional. How can a human being not be emotional in this time? I’m not the asshole here.

Hello everyone,

I’d like some outside perspectives on my relationship because, despite the progress we’ve made, I still sometimes feel emotionally stuck, and I need honest, mature, and balanced feedback.

For context, I’m a young man in a relationship with my girlfriend. We had been together for 3 years when the events happened. Since the beginning, our relationship has always been very emotionally intense. There has been a lot of love and a real connection, but also mistakes, wounds, insecurities, and communication difficulties.

My girlfriend has a complicated life situation.

She lives alone in student housing. So she has to manage everything by herself: budget, food, studies, loneliness, stress, responsibilities, and anxiety.

Her relationship with her mother is difficult, to the point that going back to live with her would be very hard for her. She still has her father and uncle, but in reality she carries a lot on her own.

She is also under heavy academic pressure. She is repeating her first year of university for the third time, in a difficult context (family problems, mental load, emotional instability). She is afraid of not passing the year, losing her student housing, and ending up in a very unstable situation.

When she fails an exam or feels overwhelmed, it affects her deeply. She may cry, panic, feel alone, and fear the future.

On my side, I still live with my parents. So I have a more stable material environment: housing, family presence, and less immediate pressure.

This sometimes creates a gap between our realities. While I can go home and be surrounded by family, she often has to deal with her emotions alone in her student room.

We live about an hour away from each other, so I cannot always be physically present when she needs support.

I want to be honest: I was not blameless.

Through my words, I sometimes caused her to feel a lack of affection and low self-esteem. I told her that I would not see a future with her unless she lost weight. I told her she looked ugly without makeup. I often reminded her that I did not like her body.

At one point, she hit herself on the arm with a wooden board, which left her with a bruise.

Looking back, I realize this may have hurt her deeply, weakened her self-worth, and created an emotional void in the relationship.

I sincerely regret that. I became aware of it, and I am genuinely trying to change.

On Wednesday, October 22, 2025, she confessed to me what had happened.

The events had started the previous Thursday. She had forgotten her charger at work. She knocked on several doors in her residence to find one and met a man who lent her his charger.

They then exchanged Instagram accounts because she did not want to give her phone number, so she could let him know when she returned the charger.

On Friday, this man messaged her.

On Saturday, they met. They spent time together. There were kisses on the cheek and hickeys. No sexual intercourse and no other intimate acts, according to what she told me. They kissed, and she would go to his room to spend time with him and talk. She would call me in front of him without any issue. During that time, we were still having sex together.

Since then, she has expressed:

- sincere regret

- she acknowledges that she was wrong

- she takes responsibility

- she does not try to run away from what she did

She also explained that at that time she felt lonely, fragile, and in need of affection and support.

Then, a few weeks later, I brought the subject up again angrily. She thought I was going to leave her, so she ran away from her residence. I followed her, and she admitted that if I had not come with her, she would have done something reckless.

What also confuses me is that before and even during that episode, she still showed me love.

She gave me gifts. She remained attached to me. She did not seem emotionally detached.

And especially after that episode, she has shown me in many ways that she loves me and cares about me:

- she became more invested

- she reassures me

- she values me

- she shows me affection

- she wants to build something with me

- she talks about the future with me

- through her actions, she shows that the relationship matters to her

Since those events, we have also shared many positive experiences together:

- several outings (gardens, cinema, restaurants, walks)

- she met my mother and was very happy and enthusiastic

- she cooks meals for me (she already did this from the beginning of our relationship out of love, and still does)

- our bond is still very strong (we have affectionate and personalized nicknames since the beginning)

- we have many inside jokes and shared humor

- she tells me I am her fantasy

- she tells me she will “never leave me and could never leave me”

- our intimacy as a couple has remained strong and connected

- she values me and desires me

Today:

- she has cut contact with that man

- she blocked him

- she does not see him anymore

- she lets me look at her phone freely

- she talks to me about a future together

- she wants to build something serious (marriage, kid, trip)

- she shows me affection

- she invests a lot in the relationship

On my side:

- I am trying to be more mature

- I am working on my communication

- I am trying not to accuse too quickly

- I am working on my jealousy and anxiety

- I want to become emotionally better

Despite all this, I still sometimes feel pain inside.

I sometimes feel:

- sadness

- fear

- overthinking

- confusion

- anger toward myself

Because part of me feels that my own mistakes contributed to creating an emotional void that led to all of this.

I know everyone remains responsible for their own choices, but I struggle not to blame myself.

1. Can trust fully return after a situation like this?
2. How can I know if her regrets and changes are sincere?
3. How can I stop ruminating and overthinking?
4. How do I separate my responsibility from hers?
5. Is staying and rebuilding healthy in this situation?

I am not trying to portray myself as a victim, nor to demonize her. We both made mistakes. I am simply looking for honest and balanced advice.

Thank you all.

I (20) have a boyfriend (19)

To add context he says I’m his first long term relationship.

I really need advice because I feel stuck and don’t know what the right move is anymore.

I’m in a relationship where I don’t feel loved or wanted. There’s very little affection it’s always been that way..barely any intimacy, and when there is, it feels disconnected most the time… the guy French kissed me for the first time in one year after I caught him cheating.

I often get turned down when I try to initiate anything, and overall I just feel unwanted. He claims he loves and wants me but it’s honestly feeling like he just wants me here to help him emotionally he doesn’t actually want me….

i find myself crying when I see other couples doing cute things or being intimate cause I just want to feel wanted…

At the same time, I found out he’s been talking to and lusting over other people and even found him on multiple dating apps and grinder, including while I was at work. That hurt a lot, especially because I’ve been fully committed to him and trying to make the relationship work despite all my feelings and his lack.

I’ve tried communicating my needs multiple times, wanting more affection, attention, and to feel desired, but nothing really changes. It’s starting to build resentment after finding he can put his effort into others but not me and I feel like I’m just there for emotional support rather than being someone he actually wants.

On top of all that, I’m currently not working due to a loss of my job a couple months ago and he’s the one paying the bills. That makes this even harder because I don’t want to feel like I’m staying just because I depend on him financially but I also don’t know how to handle that situation responsibly.

I don’t want to beg someone to love me or feel like I’m competing for attention in my own relationship. But I also don’t know if I’m expecting too much or if this is something that could realistically improve. I don’t know if this can be something worked on or what I should do.

I want to add that I turned his screen time on his phone after he got caught and found yesterday he turned it off…he still has his dating accounts never deleted but doesn’t have the apps….i know I sound stupid but I truly cared about this guy…

Sorry this is long thanks for any advice

Pls is somebody willing to help i need female to check loyalty without seeming as if they're doing it with a fake id I can help in return too with the same if they want