I just need advice
I (20) have a boyfriend (19)
To add context he says I’m his first long term relationship.
I really need advice because I feel stuck and don’t know what the right move is anymore.
I’m in a relationship where I don’t feel loved or wanted. There’s very little affection it’s always been that way..barely any intimacy, and when there is, it feels disconnected most the time… the guy French kissed me for the first time in one year after I caught him cheating.
I often get turned down when I try to initiate anything, and overall I just feel unwanted. He claims he loves and wants me but it’s honestly feeling like he just wants me here to help him emotionally he doesn’t actually want me….
i find myself crying when I see other couples doing cute things or being intimate cause I just want to feel wanted…
At the same time, I found out he’s been talking to and lusting over other people and even found him on multiple dating apps and grinder, including while I was at work. That hurt a lot, especially because I’ve been fully committed to him and trying to make the relationship work despite all my feelings and his lack.
I’ve tried communicating my needs multiple times, wanting more affection, attention, and to feel desired, but nothing really changes. It’s starting to build resentment after finding he can put his effort into others but not me and I feel like I’m just there for emotional support rather than being someone he actually wants.
On top of all that, I’m currently not working due to a loss of my job a couple months ago and he’s the one paying the bills. That makes this even harder because I don’t want to feel like I’m staying just because I depend on him financially but I also don’t know how to handle that situation responsibly.
I don’t want to beg someone to love me or feel like I’m competing for attention in my own relationship. But I also don’t know if I’m expecting too much or if this is something that could realistically improve. I don’t know if this can be something worked on or what I should do.
I want to add that I turned his screen time on his phone after he got caught and found yesterday he turned it off…he still has his dating accounts never deleted but doesn’t have the apps….i know I sound stupid but I truly cared about this guy…
Sorry this is long thanks for any advice