How to hate him after he cheated?
It might sound weird, but i genuinely mean it. I finally know my husband of 4 years has been cheating on me for the past few months. Now, I get angry and frustrated whenever I imagine them together, doing all the things we used to do. I'm not like I used to around him, I'm cold and distant, I used to do everything for him, not anymore. I don't comfort him, prepare food for him, I don't smile at him or touch him. I thought I went through the whole grieving process, and past few days I didn't have any reaction to him talking about her, I really didn't care because I was already far in the process of mentally getting out.
But the weird part is that there's a little part in me that says that the idiot will come back, I'll set new rules and boundaries and we'll just carry on. I know this is a fantasy and that it's not real. But deep inside, when I don't think about it, it's almost as if I could forgive him for everything. Logically, I don't think that's right, but I somehow cannot feel it 100%. It's so hard for me to hate him, as if I still want to believe that he's the same as I met him. I don't know what to do, how to convince myself to feel disgusted by what he did.