r/IndianBoysOnTinder

Hi everyone,

I don’t even know where to start. I never thought I would be writing something like this, but I feel like I have no one to talk to and I’m breaking from inside.

I was in a relationship with a girl. It was not casual for me. I loved her genuinely. She was also very loving in the beginning. We used to talk about everything, spend hours together, share our thoughts, our future, our life plans. She was the one who started talking about marriage, about building a life together. Slowly I started trusting her completely.

At one point, I went to meet her at her place. We spent time together like a couple who really loves each other. She cared for me, we ate together, she fed me with her hands, we hugged, we kissed, we got physically intimate. Nothing was forced. Everything felt natural, emotional and mutual. I thought this is real, this is the person I will spend my life with.

The most painful part is, just before everything ended, she was still talking normally, even romantically. We were talking about our future. There was no sign that something is wrong.

And then suddenly everything changed.

She stopped talking properly, then she blocked me. No proper explanation. No closure. Nothing.

I kept trying to understand what happened. I blamed myself again and again. I kept thinking maybe I did something wrong. But instead of any clarity, things started getting worse.

She started telling a completely different version of things to others. She started contacting my college mates through LinkedIn for no reason. I don’t even understand why. It feels like she is trying to damage my image and make me look like a bad person.

She is acting like the victim everywhere. Like she did nothing wrong. Like I am the problem. And the worst part is, people tend to believe her because she is playing it very smartly.

I have proofs of everything, but still I feel unheard.

Her younger brother even called me and abused me badly. He said things about my mother that I can’t even write properly. I was shocked. I couldn’t even react. I didn’t abuse back. I just listened. I still feel that moment again and again in my head and it’s killing me from inside.

I am not okay at all.

I am not able to sleep properly. I am not eating properly. My body keeps shaking sometimes. I get panic attacks. I keep replaying everything in my mind again and again. The moments when she was loving, and then what she became.

It feels like I lost everything.

I gave her genuine love, care, time, emotions, trust. I was never fake with her. And now I feel like I was just used and thrown away.

The worst feeling is not even the breakup. It’s the way everything happened. The sudden change. The lies. The defamation. The helplessness.

I feel very alone. She has people, friends, family. I feel like I have no one who understands what I am going through.

I cry a lot these days. Sometimes I don’t even realize when tears start coming. It feels unbearable at times.

I don’t even know what I am expecting by posting this. Maybe I just wanted someone to read this and understand that I am not the villain in my own story.

Right now I just feel broken, exhausted, and completely lost.

I’m 23M and matched with a 20F online. We talked for a few days and then went on our first date—I picked her up, we went to a cafe, talked a lot, then to a mall, had ice cream, and I dropped her back. She gave me a hug at the end.

After that, we’ve met a few more times after college for 1–2 hours (coffee/snacks). In person, she’s actually fun, talks well, and the vibe is good. We’ve held hands, but nothing beyond that—no kiss yet.

The confusing part is her texting is pretty dry. Not much effort there. But in real life, she’s different.

On our first date, she even said something like “you need to initiate, I’m a girl.” So I feel like she expects me to take the lead, but I don’t want to make her uncomfortable or misread things.

How do I escalate things naturally from here? Like when and how do you go for a kiss without making it awkward? And should I be worried about the dry texting?

Would appreciate honest advice.

It came up today over a brunch with my girl friends, and I found out none of their husbands/bfs have ever done 'it'. (Avoiding words that might get the post deleted)

That caught me by surprise, because I am 28F, have spent 10 years (teenage to 25) in the States and have dated 2 people, where it's not considered a big deal. I am now dating an Indian man, we met on tinder, and he too told me that he has never gone down on a woman before. He has dated 5 women in the past.

I am wondering why is that? Is it like a cultural thing or just lack of education? What has been your experience?

All opinions welcome.

I see mostly everyday when men of this sub attach their self worth and confidence with the amount of matches they get on a dating app.

Guys we all know woman are bombarded with attention everywhere especially dating apps and galti women ki bhi nhi hai men hi bc simps itne zyada hogaye hai kya batau even the good looking ones they wanna just bang anyone standards women ke aur High hojate hai jisse tum apni self worth question krte ho..

And it also saddens me when you question yourself like.

1.Am I not tall enough or good looking enough ?

2.Am I not good at conversations?

3.Do I lack something?

4.Am I not putting enough amount of efforts?

Most not all of them use dating apps for kinda validation seeking, if they go on a date it will be obvious it will be with a good looking guy because you can't show your true personality,wit, humour behind a screen.

Even prettiest faces can have a narcissist personality and the people who you consider average looking can have the best personality out there.

Point of this post was to socialise as much as you can and meet women somewhere else instead of dating apps, from there only you can understand other people and bond with them. If you're using dating apps let it be for fun only and don't let it affect your mental health that you're not getting matches.

​

A LOT of people are just not dateable in India. Like someone should educate these people, that don't reply 3 days later with 2 words to someone whom you'd want to pursue a romantic endeavour with.

A lot of them don't have basic etiquette of texting, or being punctual. They want the prince/princess of their dreams, but aren't capable of basic human interaction.

Often I find myself at crossroads; whether I should tell them "hey you suck at texting and I've lost interest, goodbye" or I should just ghost/remove them without making a fuss.

What would you prefer? This question is for both men and women. Reply with "Man here/Woman here" along with your reasoning.

Back in college, this girl and I had an “enemy to lovers” kind of dynamic that slowly turned into real tension—eye contact, subtle signals, all of that.

At one point, it felt like she clearly fell for me. I wasn’t ready for it and didn’t want to mess things up, plus I was dealing with some internal stuff I couldn’t explain at the time. So instead of handling it properly, I pulled back and basically ghosted, even though she gave me space.

After that, college ended and we never spoke again.

It’s been ~3 years now. Publicly, she seems to have moved on (she has a boyfriend), but I still notice her liking posts that weirdly match our situation (like about a guy pulling away when he wasn’t ready), which makes me wonder if she ever thinks about it too.

Now I’m stuck between:

- reaching out once for closure/clarity

- or just accepting it as an “almost” and moving on

I also never really officially knew what she actually wanted from me—most of it was based on my assumptions, even if they felt pretty clear at the time. Thus nobody believes me

Has anyone been in something similar?

Is reaching out after this long a bad idea, especially given she seems to be in a relationship? Or am I just overthinking old signals?