I have two kids and one common complain I receive from my wife is that I am not involved in raising kids. I make their food, sometimes I geed them, I change their clothes, get my oldest ready for school. I sometimes read books to kids, play boardgames, etc. I work from home and everyday is ny workday and I cannot give a lot of time to my kids. How involved are you raising your kids?
Let me preface this by saying I love my stepdaughter very much and next to her biological mom, my wife, I am her biggest supporter. She’s 25, lives with us and is a great person. Doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, she’s not promiscuous, attends church (on her own volition, neither her mom or I are religious), and generally is just the best stepdaughter a guy could ask for.
She’s gained an awful, awful amount of weight in the last year and we’re both worried about her. Her mom had a heart to heart with her about it, she acknowledges it, but she literally still came back into the house today with bags of junk food under her arm.
I was about to confront her about it until I stopped myself and first had time to talk to my wife about a game plan for how I should be discussing it with her.
She’s very head strong but also tends to be fragile and I was worried that if I was as blunt as I wanted to be, it would just be the wrong approach. I really wanted to look her in the eye and just plainly tell her she has no right to be eating that junk food in her condition. I had to stop myself and I ended up talking to my wife first about how we together need to approach the subject. But I also come from the school of hard truths and sometimes I think being openly honest, as painful as it might be, is the only option when nothing else is working.
Any dads, or stepdads, out there that can give me some advice I would really appreciate it.
Men, if your parents made a scarp-book of your childhood/“before you were born time” would you be interested to have one after becoming adults?
Like it would contain small letters from parents, random drawing, ideas, pictures of family members and childhood/ultrasound pics of you.
Is that too cheesy or is it actually interesting?
First child and i’m definitely not having as much “fun” as people make parenthood seem. i’ve never really been a super patient person and i see it more now than ever before.
It seems like our little guys favorite hobby is inconsolable screaming. I want to help him but never know what to do, so we give him to Mom and he settles right down.
I feel like a failure as a father every time i’ve got to give him up but at the same time i’ll hold him until the point i mentally can’t anymore and set him down. i’ve heard babies can pick up on your feelings and i try to stay as cool and calm as I can, but that only last so long once the screaming starts. he’ll go for what seems like hours..
wife says that this is normal and he’ll grow out of it but how long can i expect this to last? he’s 2 months so know there a lot of some going on
I work at a local game store and about a year ago a kid came in and started playing the Pokémon TCG at our shop. I run all the Pokémon stuff and we would get to chatting about it and he would start asking for advice and help on all sorts of Pokémon stuff. Soon I had convo with his mom and she explained that he didn’t have a father figure in his life and he looked up to me and asked if I could watch after him while she wasn’t around. Of course I said I would be glad to and me and this kid started bonding more. He’s in middle school and so he’s dealing with all the normal teenage stuff that comes with the territory but I’ve met a lot of kids and teens through my work and hes one of the most emotionally mature kids I’ve ever seen. However the closer I get the more I’m worried I’ll overstep boundaries (after all I’m not his dad). I also worry that I’m messing up or doing something wrong. I wanna give some examples: He had went to his first school dance and he was really excited. He was showing all the co workers his date he went with except for me. I was worried that I had done something wrong or he was hiding something from me. When I asked him about it he showed me the photo and I understand what was going on. He went on a date with another boy from his school. Of course I was fine with it and happy he came out to me but I was worried that I had done something wrong to make him feel nervous about telling me. He said I didn’t and he was just busting my chops but theres this little voice in my head telling me what if.
I see so much of myself inside this little dude and we hang out on discord and play some Pokémon all the time. I’ve even given him an “unpaid paid internship” at the shop and he sorts cards and learns more about the business. We traveled twice together with friends to a big Pokémon tournament and on a little shopping road-trip and I just wanna go on more with the dude.
The things I want advice are:what is overstepping my boundaries? I don’t want to overstep and upset his mom but I also wanna step up and teach this kid and watch him grow. Is there any advice on lessons I could teach him without taking something away from his mom?
Hello,
To give you a general idea of the situation, I’m in France, and my girlfriend is in Panama. She wants to move closer to where I live so we can be together and so she can finish her long course of study at a university near where I live. We share the same views on parenting and marriage. Namely, that a couple needs to be strong to handle the arrival of a newborn—at least that’s what we believe. In short, we’re talking about having children to make sure we’re on the same page, and that’s where the problem lies:
I’m in my early thirties, and for me, this is the perfect time to start a family. I have a pretty good job, a decent place to live, and an amazing woman who’ll make a wonderful mom. But it’s not the right time for her. She hasn’t finished her studies yet, and she wants to be more settled before embarking on this adventure—which I understand. She’s talking about waiting about five years to have kids.
But I don’t want such a big age gap with my kids. I have a pretty negative feeling about that idea. Maybe I’m wrong, and that’s why I’d like to get some outside perspective on the matter. Especially from fathers over 35. What was your experience with becoming a father for the first time? Do you think it’s a good idea for a man over 35 to have children? Is it too late? How did your relationship handle this change?
Thank you.
My(36) father(64) recently passed away of cancer. His conditions deteriorated so much over his final two days that he did not leave a note or any words for me. His last words are "what's going on" when he regained conscious for a few seconds and saw me crying. Even when he was healthy, he rarely spoke about what he was on his mind. He had always been a perfect, understanding father to me. But I never know what he wants from me and if I had make him happy.
So fathers of reddit, what do you want from your daughter? I really need some insights.
when we just got.married, me (m36) it was a struggle to get sex from my wife(w36). fast faward 5 years and I'm getting more sex but she does not want to participate in any positions that would make our time together more interesting. now, I find myself avoiding the situation. tonight I was questioning if I love her. we have 2 toddlers together, 3 and 4. we both work. just purchased a house. now I'm browsing leolist knowing I'm too scared to do anything like this. we have had many talks before but we are always back to this place. I am frustrated.
Updated: Whenever I have those thoughts, I think about my children. Also, this morning I was just thinking about my happiness. I really want to just remain in my relationship and make it the best thing ever.
I have been communicating the following to her: I just feel like he puts a lot of pressure on me. I am expected to do so much, and the expectation of her isn't the same. We both worked about a 4-minute walk from each other. She started at 8:00; I started at 9:00. In the morning, I would wake up, prepare lunches for the boys, and also her breakfast. Most mornings I'm rushing out of the house; I don't even get to eat my breakfast. Some mornings she says, "How come you didn't do this or that?"
Then, when work gets quite stressful, it just adds to the stress. So I will let her know, "Hey, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed and I need more help." But as soon as she starts to help, she complains about her back pain; she's tired, and it feels like she's always complaining, trying to get out of her responsibilities. Now she's fully working from home, and the roles have shifted. She got something in the morning, prepares lunch for the children and myself, complaining that it is too much for her. I need to help her prepare the lunches at night, and last night I got home, I was so tired I just wanted to relax. I showered the children the previous night, so I asked her to shower the children. She did; however, I did not prepare the lunches. By the time I got upstairs, it was quite late.
She asked me if I prepared the lunches, and I told her I did not. She got so upset. But when I was preparing lunches, I never felt like I could ask for help. I either had time to do them at night, so I did them in the morning before we left for work.
It just feels like the playing fields are not the same. Then I have to do all the heavy lifting around the house. She mainly focuses on cooking and doing the laundry. Those are literally the two things she does. I clean the house, I clean the bathtub, the shower, put the garbage out, change the tires on the car, teach the boys how to ride their bikes, take them out for walks. I clean the bedroom and still help my wife with her stuff. When I'm working out, going to the sauna, and taking time for myself, these things do not feel hard, but when I can't do that and still have to support her, it's just a lot.
In her defense, she does have back pain. So standing up for a couple of hours really affects her. And so I have to pick up the slack. I'm doing everything that I have to do, plus what she has to do.
I guess it's just all adding up now.
Hi, I just found out I have a baby on the way (surprise baby, not planned).
It’s apparently is nut up or shut up time and I need to know more about fatherhood. Please drop me some book recommendations, and if you have any advice for me either thought-based or practical would be welcomed. I’ve have had my freak out (still currently doing that) and I think my primary concern is not knowing anything about what is coming, being the best dad I can be and making sure this kid doesn’t come up like I dod. TYIA.
TLDR: Anyone out there struggling with separation anxiety, and if so, how do/did you deal with it?
My daughter is 15 months old now and I struggle with handling her separation anxiety with her mom. There are better and worse periods, but even when it's better, we can only hang porperly when it's only the two of us (sometimes letting my wife go somewhere is a challenge on its own). If my wife is there, she's hanging onto her for dear life and rejects me most of the time. I feel rejected, my wife feels trapped. Her newest thing is to start stratching me if she does not want me to pick her up
I know that it's perfectly normal and I also know that it's not really about me or anything. It just sucks. I prepared for a lot of things mentally: the sleeplsess nights, the energy required, the mood swings, you name it. That's the job even if it's hard sometimes. But this one caught me completely off guard: everyone is talking about the need for the father to build the connection even in the non-verbal phase and how you cannot just "wait until you can communicate" to be around. What nobody told is that the child might not want this or at least express her need for this, let alone active rejection. In this atmosphere, it is much harder to stay motivated to put in all the effort parenthood requires because many times I just feel I have to force myself onto her.
I would also be okay with moving a bit more into a background support role witin our family: providing, doing the house chores, taking as much off my wife's shoulder as I can and let them be close until she opens up and this phase ends. The problem with this is that obviously my wife needs her life as well and she cannot be tied to her all the time.
I know that it's "just a phase", but still, I struggle with it. Thanks for reading :)
Part of me is starting to think like the stereotypical step-dad "not my kid, I don't need to do anything" but I am trying really hard not to be that.
But this kid is really trying me on the daily. Constantly on the phone, which we try not to limit them "just because". Absolutely lazy when it comes to chores. 12 years old and can't remember to double-check dishes to ensure they're clean. Their part of their room is always an absolute pigsty and they just half-ass it all the time. Constant blaring of music in the headphones to where we can hear it 7 feet away. Claims they have it that loud to "keep the voices in my head quiet"
I honestly have tried to treat all of them the same, but they're really pushing it with me. This morning I was having some vehicle trouble, and for some reason they thought they needed to get out(no one had said anything to them about getting out) so when they asked if they could get out, I told them no. Apparently they got extremely pissed off about the fact I told them no.
Constantly says one thing to us and another to their sibling. They complained that they didn't like the teasing we all do as a family to each other, so then we stopped teasing them; then it was a complaint that they were treated differently.
I've tried talking to both parents about it and they just kind of shrugged it off.
At what point is enough enough? I honestly just want to say "f it" and not put forth any effort to this one because they obviously don't want to put any effort into anything except their phone and cartoons
I’ve been showing the classics to my 10yo lately, and it’s been one of the most rewarding (and frustrating) parts of being a dad. It’s a trip seeing them experience things we loved decades ago.
What are you playing? Is your kid joining you in this hobby?
I am running a marathon in a beautiful location across the country in a couple of weeks. I have booked it as a trip for my wife and 3 kids to join. My 13yo is in a musical theatre show and will need to miss a few final rehearsals as a result of the trip (but not the literal final ones). She is feeling stressed about that and is asking if she can stay home and have a grandparent stay with her. She does not have a good emotional track record of being separated from her family and at her age isnt always making the right decisions for herself. While I get that it could be stressful for her, I selfishly really want her to be with us and I'd like to not run the risk of her regretting her decision and be calling us sobbing 2,000 miles away. I realize she is at an age where she is becoming independent and that is partially why I really wanted this to be a full family experience and why I wanted her to see me doing something hard that took commitment. Based on everything I know, her missing these rehearsals will not be that big of a deal in reality, although I fully acknowledge that it is for her. Am I being selfish?
So my wife and I have been married for 3 years. Blended family. Three kids are mine and one is my wife’s (oldest boy and 3 girls).
Social media is a mess because we have to decide what to do with my ex as well.
Tonight my ex texted me about my daughter (13) getting instagram and have said no to this question at least twice before to my daughter and step daughter (also 13). My son got it when he was 14 1/2.
So this time instead of just saying no, I talked to my wife about it and told her what my opinion was, but was trying to be more reasonable as the last time we talked about social media and the girls, it didn’t go well and turned into a fight.
So my wife told my stepdaughter she could get an Instagram teen account and now she’s mad at me and thinks it’s because my daughter asked me and not several months ago when she wanted it.
My wife didn’t even defend me to her daughter when asked why it was ok now. She just told her I don’t know.
I’m in a lose lose situation. If I had said no, I’m the bad guy and now am the bad guy for saying yes.
I’m really pissed that my wife didn’t tell her that I didn’t want them to get instagram until they were 14 1/2 like my son and just left me hanging.
Needless to say, I had to step away to calm down as I feel like I’m raising ungrateful kids.
Any thoughts or advice are appreciated.
I’m (m29) afraid I’m losing feelings for my fiancé (f37)She’s done nothing wrong, but it seems we are not compatible in a lot of ways. We have a 5 year old son. And I’m not sure what to do. I don’t wanna ruin my little boys life, but at the same time don’t want life to just feel like it’s passing me bye, and I’m not fully present or become resentful for not chasing my own happiness.
My fiancé is a great mother, she’s kind to our son, patient with him, loves him. I believe she loves me too, and I know I love her. But I’m not sure if our love styles are compatible, and when I try and bring this up, it’s hard and usually ends in a fight and or me being afraid to say what I really mean.
I didn’t have a father growing up, so the thought of missing out on my son’s daily life hurts me so bad.
Any advice is appreciated, thank yall.
Serei pai daqui os próximos 7 dias. Eu nasci em um berço familiar muito bem estruturado. Durante a minha infância, já vi meus pais já passaram por muitos problemas, principalmente financeiros, porém no lado do meu pai, eu nunca vi uma situação de ve-lo triste ou demonstrar uma fraqueza, mesmo com o mundo desmoronando ao lado.
Quando pequeno eu não entendia bem o que ele pode passar mas agora já adulto eu posso imaginar o quão difícil foi.
Penso sempre sobre isso em como me espelhar e agir assim com meu filho pois hoje vejo o quão foi importante pra mim enxergar esse espelho, porém sabemos que a vida não é fácil e nem todo momento “estamos fortes” ou transparecemos isto.
Queria uma opinião de vocês quanto ao qual arquétipo vocês se projetam para que seus filhos também se sintam seguros ou com uma referência.
My 3 years old daughter seems to take pleasure in hitting me, she sometimes even bites and scratches my face. I have a lot of scars in my face. What surprises me is she does this when she is very happy. She doesn't do it to her brother or mother. How do I stop her?
Last night at like 2am, my son and daughter came out of there room to see what i am eating after a night shift and we were just roasting each other for no reason… knowing full well school starts at 6. Out of nowhere it turned into random fitness competitions in our small kitchen . Who’s stronger, who’s more flexible, who can hold a plank longer. Total chaos. full Olympics for 1.5hours
And honestly, it made my day.
It reminded me how important just being around is. Proximity matters. These moments aren’t planned, you don’t schedule them, they just happen when you’re there.
The tough part is my relationship is rocky and separation can be in horizon..Life man..
Almost not sure how to explain this. My daughter was preterm at 33 weeks and she’s been in the neonatal ward for almost a month now, growing, feeding, and off all the monitors now. We could be going home today and I’m overcome with these feelings of panic and anxiety, she’s safer there than she would be at home. All those nurses, doctors and consultants that were available 24/7 are no longer going to be there for any questions I have. The neonatal ward almost gave me this buffer of safety and delaying those emotions, running on autopilot back and forth from the hospital for her feeds. Now reality is setting in and I’m not sure I’m ready for that step yet. I haven’t been able to find and ready about example similar to my experience. I’ve just turned 30 recently and it’s our first baby.
Hey other Dads, I don’t know if anyone else is struggling with TV choices for their toddler like I was. The whole overstimulation topic made me wonder constantly if I was then going to cause a meltdown come bedtime. I eventually found a site called tvtantrum.com which is quite good for just giving an idea of the impact of some shows. Only issue was I hated having to go to the website all the time. Anyway I made an iOS app based off the data and also put it on the app store in case it helps others. It’s free to use and stuff. I got to learn while building it and it made my life easier so thought I’d share. It’s called WiseWatchJr if anyone thinks it might come in handy ☺️
Note: don’t seem to be allowed post pictures or links. If I figure that out I’ll add it