Don't know if I love my wife. Help me
when we just got.married, me (m36) it was a struggle to get sex from my wife(w36). fast faward 5 years and I'm getting more sex but she does not want to participate in any positions that would make our time together more interesting. now, I find myself avoiding the situation. tonight I was questioning if I love her. we have 2 toddlers together, 3 and 4. we both work. just purchased a house. now I'm browsing leolist knowing I'm too scared to do anything like this. we have had many talks before but we are always back to this place. I am frustrated.
Updated: Whenever I have those thoughts, I think about my children. Also, this morning I was just thinking about my happiness. I really want to just remain in my relationship and make it the best thing ever.
I have been communicating the following to her: I just feel like he puts a lot of pressure on me. I am expected to do so much, and the expectation of her isn't the same. We both worked about a 4-minute walk from each other. She started at 8:00; I started at 9:00. In the morning, I would wake up, prepare lunches for the boys, and also her breakfast. Most mornings I'm rushing out of the house; I don't even get to eat my breakfast. Some mornings she says, "How come you didn't do this or that?"
Then, when work gets quite stressful, it just adds to the stress. So I will let her know, "Hey, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed and I need more help." But as soon as she starts to help, she complains about her back pain; she's tired, and it feels like she's always complaining, trying to get out of her responsibilities. Now she's fully working from home, and the roles have shifted. She got something in the morning, prepares lunch for the children and myself, complaining that it is too much for her. I need to help her prepare the lunches at night, and last night I got home, I was so tired I just wanted to relax. I showered the children the previous night, so I asked her to shower the children. She did; however, I did not prepare the lunches. By the time I got upstairs, it was quite late.
She asked me if I prepared the lunches, and I told her I did not. She got so upset. But when I was preparing lunches, I never felt like I could ask for help. I either had time to do them at night, so I did them in the morning before we left for work.
It just feels like the playing fields are not the same. Then I have to do all the heavy lifting around the house. She mainly focuses on cooking and doing the laundry. Those are literally the two things she does. I clean the house, I clean the bathtub, the shower, put the garbage out, change the tires on the car, teach the boys how to ride their bikes, take them out for walks. I clean the bedroom and still help my wife with her stuff. When I'm working out, going to the sauna, and taking time for myself, these things do not feel hard, but when I can't do that and still have to support her, it's just a lot.
In her defense, she does have back pain. So standing up for a couple of hours really affects her. And so I have to pick up the slack. I'm doing everything that I have to do, plus what she has to do.
I guess it's just all adding up now.