r/FTMMen

Misogyny sucks in every way no doubt and that goes for everyone. No one should be held to different standards.

What bothers me is how people treat trans male misogynists vs cis male ones. Often they will portray it as something ironic and say shit like "remember your roots". It fucking sucks to me. I'm not trying to defend sexists but why can't they just call these trans guys assholes and move on, like they do with cis men? When a trans man is misogynistic, he gets the same comments a woman with internalized misogyny would get even though he is a man. That confuses me.

I don't know, it's probably not even a big problem but to me it just feels like a reminder that people will never fully see me as a man. They will always apply different social rules to me or whatever, basically the same ones as a woman. Even if I was able to medically correct every single detail about my body so it's the same as a cis man's, the fact that I was assigned female at birth will always be there. It will always influence the way people see and treat me. I fucking hate it but there is nothing I can do except hoping that I'll be a cis man in my next life.

I also wish I could cut out the part of my brain that stores the female memories. Just so people will shut up about it. It fucking hurts so much that its simply impossible. I'd do anything for a cis man's life.

I told my brother that I was excited for my steroids and he said "T?", "Y'know I produce testosterone naturally because I have a penis haha".

It makes me depressed. I've been told some extreme things by parents, acquaintances, I can't deal with it anymore. I think stealth is the only option but it makes me angry when people speak to me like this at all. I don't want to be seen as anything other than a cis male. I'm just tired of the constant reminders people see me as a woman pretending to be a man.

I'm 26 years old. I've been fully stealth online since I was 21 or so, and semi-stealth offline (as in: there are people in my life who knew me pre-transition and I'm still working on getting my documents updated, but on a day-to-day basis, I'm living effectively stealth) since I was 24.

I met my best friend online when I was 22. I'm VERY aromantic, so nothing between us is like "that", but for all intents and purposes, she's my whole world. For the last six months, we've been making plans to move in together around the summer of 2027 to the spring of 2028. I didn't plan to come out to her. We aren't involved with each other, so I didn't see why I'd have to. Our plan was to move to a different town, but my work situation has changed and now we're probably going to have to live in my hometown for at least a year, maybe two, and there's just no way I'd be able to keep this part of myself private from her living here.

I don't know how to come out to her though. Honestly, I don't want to come out to her. It's not that I don't trust her, I just love being stealth. I'm not kidding when I say going stealth saved my life. And this girl is my safe space, y'know? I'm just a guy to her. Like, in a way I never feel I am when I'm with people who know. I've always wanted my transition to be something I'd get done and over with, then leave behind. How am I supposed to make the choice to give that up?

I'm trans and want to get a phalloplasty later. But I'm afraid that I won't feel anything on my penis/phallo afterwards, or that women won't like it. It's really making me depressed.

I’m doing a very chill competition tomorrow with some other guys. They are all under the impression I am a cis male, but I am pre top surgery. This is great and all, but they are hoping to all show up shirtless with our “logo” painted on our chests. This obviously cannot fly. Do I just say I don’t want to or smth? I am pre t and go by my birth name, but pass 95% of the time (don’t tell me I don’t, I pass in both liberal and conservative areas, in the us and not, to cis and trans people). But being pre t and having a female (yet uncommon) name makes me a bit worried about them becoming suspicious. Any ways, we are meeting early afternoon, any thoughts on this? Thanks

I’m in a complicated situation right now since my parents found out and gotta skip it for a week or maybe two (but hope not, most likely one). Will it end up to be bad or no?

So on a post here a guy was talking about dating and I replied with I feel the same my boyfriend calls me his girlfriend. But he does kinda have reasons like he isn't comfortable with people knowing his Bisexual or doesn't want to be called gay or a fag or stuff like that. And I talked to him today about it and he said he was very sorry and we agreed on calling me partner instead which i'm ok with but dont love..what should I do?

There's this dude I'm pretty sure is transphobic, or at the very least has more conservative views on the topic. Like one of those "you can do what you want and I'll call you what you want, but I have my own opinions" sort of people. Not directly my friend, but the other night I'm drinking with my actual mates and someone invites him.

Many drinks deep and this guy starts venting to me about how he has a high voice because I can relate. Called me 'camp' but he can 'tell its unintentional' and he felt like he had a similar thing going on. I found the whole situation very amusing. One of the most important skills you can have when you're stealth is being able to confidently talk about male puberty as if you experienced it, so I was able to nail this convo.

It does really make you realise how oblivious the average person is to the things that we worry endlessly about. You spend all this time worried about how your pitch is percieved, and never consider the men you surround yourself with have the exact same anxieties - only for different reasons.

Another good stealthing tale for you all- I'm in the town centre with my mom and there's some charity pop up stall in the middle of the pavement. Some prostrate cancer charity, graphics all about rates in young men and needing to get checked so of course this charity worker drags me into conversation with him. This dude is talking for agessss about me giving myself a prostrate exam until my mom says "you'll have no luck with this one" and fucking whisks me away 😭. Went back and donated cus I felt bad.

Anyone got any funny stories?

Hi, I’m 14 years old and I’m trans. My parents know, and my all my close friends know too. I have a binder, but I only use it a little because I know I’m still going through puberty and i don’t want to hurt myself by compressing my chest. I am also going to get a haircut soon! Does anyone have any tips to help me transition without any medical stuff? Thank you!

I've been on T for 10 months, and was sitting on the couch minding my business when I got a strange feeling in my pelvic area. Moving around didn't help so I went to see if I needed to be "adjusted" (something I've had to do occasionally since bottom growth seriously kicked in). Found out then that I was fully hard, despite not being excited in that way and having a totally normal time. I know that cis guys get erections like that but it had never occurred to me until that moment that it could happen to me, too.

I have to clench legs and just everything as much as i can so the pain of that surpresses it a bit atleast. It feels gaping all the time, any brush of fabric or anything, feeling like hands. intrusion. Ive experiment with taping it shut before it was really stressfull to do and overall just barely okay. I have nightmares of getting assaulted every other day or so so it really feels exposed and used all the time. I dont know what to do i can clench for a bit as i said with legs and all but it gives alot of cramps and doesnt help my already existing issues with walking i just dont know what to do with it. I dont have any bearable position it really hurts to do it all the time i dont know if its better than the dysphoria as am trying to not have a breakdown and do bad thing but im also just slowly doing the bad thing like this.

I…need (bottom) surgery because that is how my body is supposed to be. for a medical reason. These people do not need lip fillers.

“But they feel like they need it, and it’s never enough. You feel the need right now, but how do you know you won’t keep wanting more after you’re done? I don’t think getting surgery after surgery year after year is the right thing to do.”

And

”I accept you. But you don’t accept yourself as much as you should, that’s why you’re unhappy.”

This is a (good intentioned) family member. How do you deal with these people? I need some advice.

i really dont like the local clinic i've been going to for years. they have a lot of policy restricting gac (not supported by any local laws, purely clinic policy) and uneducated providers. im looking for alternatives since im right about done with them. what is planned parenthood like?

So i have super dry skin but all the moisturiser i can find have more fruity or 'feminine' scents, does anyone have any reccomendations for mens body moisturisers, ive been looking online and all that comes up is for beards 😔

I'm a hypermasculine transman and have been on T for over 6 months. I'm pretty traditional but only in ways where I like to financially provide, protect, listen to, and serve my partners. I'm at the point of transition where I'm being read as male and I'm pretty happy with that. I look like an average dude.

I'm bisexual but for some odd reason have only ever had luck with men. I've only been with two women sexually but never romantically. I don't try to force anything at all, I let things happen naturally but even in general women don't really look my way.

Every man I've been with have just been a nightmare, with the last one being a complete dud who gave me an STI from secret Grindr hookups. The other ones however have just never been able to handle their emotions, are cold, and selfish. Yes, they're all cis I'm not sure if this is relevant or not.

I'm not at all resentful or mad at women but I just find it funny how I only ever end up with men..and let's just say I'm tired of it. It's terrible but I stood up like three Grindr hookups cause I'm not even attracted to men anymore just in general. I just have a sour taste in my mouth over it. Also I'm absolutely done with bottoming for guys. Just tired, man.

I have extremely bad chest dysphoria, so while it sounds counterintuitive, being alone & shirtless gives me so much gender euphoria.

Just laying there on my stomach, pretending I have a flat chest makes me so happy. Even if it’s just pretend.

(as long as I don’t look down, and as long as my chest doesn’t touch my arm or something)

Anyone else do the same thing while alone?

I lowkey love gaslighting myself into believing I’ve had top surgery already, even tho I haven’t (;-;)

Would using a penis pump or any other penis enlargement methods do anything after phallo?

I sewed my first packer just now, but I didn’t know it would be a struggle figuring out how to wear a big packer…

How do I position the packer so it doesn’t look like I have a hard-on? Do I need to get pouch underwear? This is my first time wearing one so I’m not sure what to do…

Any advice is appreciated

ive been on t for 2 years today actually and man that fucking hits. looking bad didn’t even realize all the freedoms i have right now. ive been stealth ever since i hit 6 months or so but just now im learning i don’t gotta do that all the time. like general yeah i am but i guess im also learning that the man i am is defined by me and my genitals r also defined by me. i haven’t had the best experience with the queer community so im sharing this out here, that you can define yourself. im out to 2 cis guys i know and they dont rlly care the convos are still about girlfriends and anime not do i have a real 🍆 lol. im just learning now to be comfortable with my transness but i had to pass for a while to get there. don’t let other ppl define you guys. hell 2 months ago i was nervous to have pride pins at work now i just get compliments here and there and the assumption is im gay only so🤷‍♂️