AND WHAT WAS THE SOLUTION
Nothing MEAN, please, just funny.
Mine were
Solution= I STARTED A LID DRAWER
Solution= HE GAVE UP ON YELLING AT ME FOR IT.
Luv ya honey. lol
I’ve been so confused by someone who ghosted me a few weeks ago and would love to hear any of your opinions.
Basically, I 25(m) went on a date with a girl the same age as me, we met through hinge. We went for drinks, vibed throughout. She did ask some weird questions like the hottest girl I’ve ever been with but I thought she was so attractive that I didn’t even care about the questions she asked.
Anyways, after the date, she showed me her place briefly and then I went back home. We didn’t do anything but she had to stop at her place to grab something and we wanted to continue the date a bit longer before we parted ways.
Shortly after we part ways, she starts texting me before I even sent anything saying how much she loved hanging with me, suggesting the next date, and asking me questions/keeping the convo going. She even asked me multiple times if I made it home safe. So it seemed like the interest was there. I ended the convo that night. I decided not to text her the next day (I regret this) and instead I texted her the day after with a plan for our 2nd date and then she just never responded. It’s been over 2 weeks so I know its over but like I’ve never been so confused before. I don’t typically get texted with so much interest after a first date in the ways that she was texting me. It was more than usual and then the sudden switch up, like the date didn’t even happen. It sucks cause now I wish the date didn’t happen. She just disappeared and that was that. She continued to post on her instagram stories too until she eventually removed me from her following so yeah, I gotta say it’s a terrible feeling!
Potatoes… buckle up. 🥔 This one’s gonna be LONG.
So I (27F) was on tinder and one day came across a handsome man (I believe he was 35M). We exchanged a few messages over a few weeks (this was in January). Then I realized he was pretty close to where I was at for work for the day. So I asked if he wanted to meet for coffee. We met up for coffee and WOW. Did we hit it off. We sat there for hours and talked. We’re both Active duty Air Force and he was getting ready to move to Germany and was home visiting family and for a funeral. After talking for like 4 hours I didn’t want to leave… at all. So I asked if he wanted to meet up that night for drinks. So we went out and got drinks that night after work. We had more in depth talks. Talks about kids, finances, what we want in the future, boundaries and everything in between. And the conversation went SO well. It was smooth. It was easy. We had a wonderful night and the bar was about to close down. I told him he could come to my house. He spent the night at my house (nothing spicy) literally just spent the night. Which to me meant A LOT. He didn’t even try anything spicy.
That next morning he had some errands to run. Then he came back to my house later in the day, this time with his dog and some clothes. I love dogs and was completely okay with this. We spent more time together (he just stayed at my house) for like the next week before he moved to Germany. We had late nights and early mornings just to spend time together. We had the commitment talk. That we’re both looking for something serious and aren’t dating to play games. Cool, we’re on the same page 😮💨 Fast forward to the day he’s supposed to fly to Germany, I drive him the 4 hours to the airport and stay as long as I can with him at the airport. I ended up leaving at like 9pm so I didn’t get home until like 2am.
Now if you’re not military you’re gonna think “wow this is moving quick” but let me just say… military relationships are on fast forward. So we started talking about me coming to see him sometime in March (my best friend is stationed in Italy at the time so we planned to meet her in the Netherlands towards the end of our trip). That’s two months away. Gives him time to find a house and get a little settled. He’d FaceTime me every night (his nighttime) and tell me about his day. He’d tell me I’m beautiful and that he and his dog miss me. Over the next few weeks we contacted each other a lot. At one point he even had a joint call with me and a financial advisor because he had a German number and was using WhatsApp to talk. So he called me and I called the advisor and boom, he was able to get his shit figured out. Things were going great. I got my plane tickets booked. And then a week or two before I left to go see him… things shifted. He started to be a little more distant. But he just started working. So that’s completely understandable. I was stoked, but getting slightly worried as the responses I was getting from him were less and less. I asked the question of “do you even want me to come, I can cancel my tickets” and I got “yes I want you to come”. I’m a woman of my words and followed through.
I was STOKED. So excited to go see him. I land at the airport and he picks me up… and barely gives me a hug. I thought uhhhhh well maybe it’s because there’s nowhere for him to park and he doesn’t want to be rude and hold up traffic. Understandable. We talk the whole way to his house and he just doesn’t seem as excited as me. I just chalk it up to nerves. The first week I was there he had off, so we spent time together and did some small fun things like mini golf and just going out to eat. I was there to see him, not explore (ive been stationed overseas so I’ve already experienced it). He was still getting his house together so I was helping with small things were I could. It kinda seemed like he didn’t want my help. Like his house got delivered while I was there and I kept asking how I could help and I just got “ah I can do it”. I tried to help and things would be in the wrong place or he didn’t like the way I did things. So I just kinda sat there.
One week passes and this next week he has work. So while he’s at work, I read, relax, walk to the grocery store and just kinda chill. When he would get home from work I would be so excited to see him as I just spent 8-10 hours by myself. I would ask him how his day was, if he wanted me to cook (I would ask this before he got home) and just normal conversations after work. I was normally met with one word answers. Then he would go change out of uniform and a few days he would walk out in gym clothes and say “I’m going to the gym, are you coming or not”. I’m like “I was hoping we could spend some time together” and he would say “well I’m hoping to go to the gym, so come with me or stay here”. Kinda shocked me. I went with him to the gym once and he ignored me the whole time we were there.
Like I said, I was getting one word answers most days, so I grew some balls and asked “do you even want me here, it doesn’t seem like you want to talk to me” and his response was “I don’t need someone to come home and talk to, I just need you to be something pretty to look at”. My jaw DROPPED. I’m not just a prop for you to look at. I’m a human, with feelings. So that really hurt me. and I said something along the lines of “well that’s not how I want to live the rest of my life” he said “well cool, let’s end this now”. (This was the night before we were supposed to go to the Netherlands, so I kinda assumed we weren’t going anymore, and that’s my fault).
I think this was the exact moment my stomach dropped and I realized the version of him I’d built in my head might not actually exist. But I hoped for the best.
I slept on the couch for half the night before moving to the bed. He went to work, came back home and immediately said “are you ready to go to the Netherlands?”. I packed a backpack and left my suitcase and the rest of my stuff at his house.
I was SO EXCITED. It had been like a year and some change since I had seen my best friend and I couldn’t wait. And I had never been to the Netherlands. We drove from Germany and my best friend flew in from Italy. The drive there, he apologized. And his reasons for apologizing made sense. It was logical. I accepted his apology and just narrowed it down to being stressed and scared (falling for someone is scary). The whole drive we had GREAT conversations. This trip was feeling worth it and I thought we were on the up! We checked into our hotel and went to explore. The first night in the Netherlands we went out just him and I and had a great time! Hit a few different bars and ate food. Spicy time finally happened after almost two weeks as well.
The next day is when we were set to meet up with my best friend and her boyfriend. We were gonna meet up for Korean food (my best friend and I always eat Korean food no matter what country we’re in). It was a 45 minute walk and like a 10 minute uber. So we started walking and this is where things went downhill… he said “let’s stop here and get a beer” we had the time so I said okay but just one”… we all know how that goes. Two beers later we leave and we’re still on time but have to keep moving. So I’m like speed walking so we’re not late (he’s tall, I’m not). He said “hey babe” and I said “what’s up” and kept walking… he didn’t respond. So I stopped and saw him standing there pissed off and now I’m confused. He’s like “I was gonna get us a taxi but you’re too worried about walking” I’m like “I didn’t know what you were doing, you could have just told me you were trying to get us one” and he exploded on me. I don’t remember a lot of what he said but I remember saying “I just want to go home, this trip isn’t exactly what I wanted it to be” and I started crying. And I admit, I fantasized this trip. So part of that is absolutely on me. And he said “cool you wanna go home, figure out how to” and I of course started crying harder. I don’t remember everything that was said because I was hysterical. I was sad. Mad. Frustrated. Next thing I know he’s telling me to get in the taxi. So I do, he said sorry and said he’d pay for it and get us there on time (we were already so late)
We make it to the Korean place and it’s as if he flipped a switch. His words felt SO real and honest. We get there and he says “I’m so sorry I got us lost” to my best friend and her boyfriend. He was grabbing my hand, rubbing my leg giving me the puppy dog look. I honestly thought he felt bad, maybe I was overthinking things and he did mean well. Psssh I was wrong. We sit down and start eating and she pulls me into the bathroom after awhile and tells me she doesn’t like him. I of course tried to stick up for him and continue on with the day. She said the things he was saying weren’t sincere, but he was talking sweet to me and I loved it. After food we go out… and this is where things get wild.
We’re all drinking and he and I have heightened emotions. While we’re out and talking I notice money is a sensitive subject to him. And the conversation between him and my best friends boyfriend was a little heated but nothing out of the ordinary. Imagine a conversation where you’re passionate about something. And while he was talking he spilt a drink on me. I’m pretty sure it was an accident. I laughed it off and went about the day. Here’s where it gets ahhhh interesting.
On the way to the next bar my best friend says something about him being a chauvinistic white male. (She knows she shouldn’t have and has apologized profusely). And he looked at her and said his choice words (I was drunk and don’t remember what he said). I do remember him saying goodbye and walking away. He drove me here… of course I start freaking out. She says “don’t worry he’ll be back he won’t leave you here. I didn’t like him but I don’t think he would do that”. Spoiler alert… he did.
He left me in the Netherlands with 35 hours to find a way to the airport. I had his location and saw him go to the hotel, then to the car and start driving.
Naturally I’m freaking out. My bags are at his house. I’m far away from the airport I’m supposed to leave out of. I don’t have a car. My flight was from Luxembourg ➡️ Frankfurt ➡️ the US. I’m in the Netherlands. I start panicking. My best friend and her boyfriend are calling him and apologizing saying they will apologize in person if he comes back OR agrees to ship my stuff to her so she can send it to me. (When you live overseas you have an APO address and shipping stuff APO to APO is free) he said “nope figure it out”. So I’m sitting on some strangers steps in the middle of Amsterdam crying more than I ever have in my life.
So now I have a few things on my mind: 1.) how the fuck am I gonna make it to my flight. I’m in a foreign country with no transport 2.) how am I gonna get my stuff. What did we do? We went out and enjoyed the rest of our night. Went out dancing and drinking. At like 1 am my best friend and her boyfriend walked me back to my room (thankfully my stuff was still in the room) and I cried pretty much the whole morning. I’m big on realizing your emotions and processing them. So I left myself have a small breakdown. Then I told myself “if you don’t figure this out now you’re not getting home” so I wiped my tears and bucked up. I started brain storming. I remembered someone I was stationed with in Korea it is currently stationed about an hour away from Frankfurt.
I messaged this individual and I asked them if they could do me an absolutely massive favor. They said “ I mean, maybe what’s up” and then I explained the story to them. I asked them if I could get from the Netherlands to Frankfurt Germany if they could somehow get me to the Frankfurt airport the next day if I made it to the Frankfurt train station today. This saint of a friend said “where and when do I need to get you”. Long story short, I traveled hours on trains from Amsterdam to Frankfurt and he picked me up. (Thank sweet baby Jesus I had been stationed overseas and kinda knew how to navigate foreign train stations). After hours of travel, and about $350 worth of train tickets, my friend safely picked me up. (And it was a long weekend. When it’s a long weekend and you’re stationed overseas you’re traveling. It’s a miracle he wasn’t traveling that weekend)
My suitcase was still at manchilds (the one who left me in the Netherlands) house. This saint of a friend drove me an hour out of his way to go to his place to grab it. Manchild of course magically came outside with his dog at this time. He didn’t say a word to me, I didn’t say a word to him. He did leave my suitcase outside his apartment with everything in it.
My saint of a friend took me to manchilds house to get my stuff then back to his. He ordered pizza and had wine waiting for me. I BEGGED him to let me repay him somehow, money for gas or tolls or something. I felt awful. He wouldn’t let me. He just said if he was in my shoes he hoped that I would do the same. He helped me realize that I think I fell in love with who he was during that first week, and spent the rest of the trip trying to find that version of him again.
That next morning I got on my flight from Frankfurt to the US. We’ve only spoken once since then, and that was because I needed to ask him about a ahhhhh medical condition and he wanted some of his stuff back from me (hoodies and a necklace). Never heard from him since… and there’s a possibility he’s currently a First Sergeant in the Air Force. Which is honestly terrifying.
This was over a year ago, and I’m now in a loving relationship with someone who won’t abandon me in a foreign country ❤️
Smosh please find my post LMAO 🤣
Dating apps - do not work at all.
Cold approach - “I have a boyfriend”
Social circle - extremely limited method and isn’t practical.
It’s literally impossible to get a female for romantic purposes… is this real life?
Ich bin seit einiger Zeit auf Dating-Apps aktiv und hatte dort auch einige Matches. Mittlerweile habe ich bestimmt weit über 10 Frauen getroffen, wobei es so gut wie immer nur bei einem Date geblieben ist.
Ich habe auch vor einiger Zeit schon mal einen Post dazu verfasst:
https://www.reddit.com/r/DatingDE/s/icEYbxf0us
Nun Brauch dringend eure Hilfe/Erfahrung, da die meisten in meinem Freundeskreis keine Dating Apps nutzen.
Über die Zeit habe ich gemerkt, dass „Parallel-Dating“ dabei relativ normal ist bzw. es irgendwie auch anders gar nicht geht. Ich like in letzter Zeit ungefähr 40 % der Profile, und dadurch kommen pro Woche etwa 4 bis 9 Matches zustande. Davon werden einige aussortiert, weil ich zum Beispiel geghostet werde, weil ich sie beim Schreiben seltsam finde oder weil ich durch ihr Instagram noch einen anderen Eindruck von ihnen bekomme, der mich nicht anspricht. Dann bleiben ein paar übrig, die ich meistens relativ direkt nach einem Date frage.
Nun bin ich aktuell in einer Situation, in der ich mich überhaupt nicht wohlfühle.
Ich date und schreibe momentan mit 4 Frauen, die mir wirklich sehr gefallen.
Mit einer hatte ich bisher vier Treffen. Das Ganze ist allerdings etwas kompliziert, weil es bereits einen Kontaktabbruch gab, der 2 Monate ging und von ihr ausging, aufgrund privater Probleme. Kürzlich hat sie den Kontakt wieder aufgenommen. Irgendwie glaube ich nicht, dass sie die Richtige ist, aber ich muss dennoch oft an sie denken und mag sie. Sie schreibt mir bereits Dinge wie, dass sie sich wünscht, dass ich zu ihr komme, weil sie mit mir kuscheln möchte usw. Wir haben uns bisher aber noch nicht geküsst oder so.
Ich bin damit relativ überfordert, weil ich parallel noch mit anderen Kontakt habe. Deshalb habe ich ihr geschrieben, dass ich das Ganze aktuell für ein paar Wochen pausieren möchte, da ich mit dem Dating-Thema zurzeit überfordert bin und sie auch selbst einige Baustellen in ihrem Leben hat, wodurch unser Dating sehr beeinträchtigt wurde. Wir haben aber über Snapchat, Instagram und TikTok weiterhin etwas Kontakt, und ich merke anhand dessen, was sie mir schickt, dass sie noch sehr interessiert an mir ist.
Dann ist da eine andere, mit der ich ein paar Tage geschrieben habe bzw. noch schreibe und die ich einmal getroffen habe. Sie hat mir relativ früh auch Snaps in Unterwäsche geschickt und mir nach dem Treffen geschrieben, dass sie sich gewünscht hätte, dass ich noch mit zu ihr hochgekommen wäre. Sie schreibt mir, dass sie seitdem wir schreiben ihr Hinge-Profil gelöscht hat und dass sie Schmetterlinge im Bauch hat und oft vor ihren Freunden von mir schwärmt.
Sie schreibt mir auch oft, dass sie horny ist und ob ich nicht vorbeikommen möchte. Selbstverständlich habe ich Lust. Das Ganze hat mir aber so ein schlechtes Gewissen gegeben, dass ich ihr nach dem Treffen mitgeteilt habe, dass ich sie auch mag und sie gerne weiter treffen möchte, mich aber nicht wohl damit fühle, das Ganze so zu überstürzen, da ich noch mit anderen schreibe und diese auch noch treffen möchte. Es würde sich daher nicht richtig anfühlen, sie jetzt zu küssen, geschweige denn Sex zu haben. Zumal das mein erstes Mal wäre und ich sie auch erst einmal besser kennenlernen möchte, da wir uns ja kaum kennen.
Sie findet es komisch, dass ich noch Kontakt mit anderen Frauen habe, versteht aber meine Situation und hofft einfach, dass wir uns wiedersehen. Wenn ich mal länger als eine Stunde nicht schreibe, fragt sie gleich, ob alles in Ordnung ist.
Dann sind da noch zwei Frauen, mit denen ich momentan schreibe. Ich habe bei beiden wirklich ein sehr gutes Gefühl, da wir viele Gemeinsamkeiten haben, und ich würde sie echt gerne persönlich kennenlernen. Wir haben auch bereits Dates vereinbart.
Ich will niemanden verletzen und jede mit Respekt behandeln. Ich finde Parallel-Dating bei den ersten 1 bis 2 Dates noch in Ordnung, da es ja nur ein Kennenlernen ist. Küssen oder sogar Sex wäre für mich beim Parallel-Dating aber ein No-Go. Spätestens da sollte man „exklusiv“ sein.
Was soll ich machen? Ich kenne sie ja alle kaum. Wie soll ich mich denn entscheiden? Ich will auch nicht „nix Halbes, nix Ganzes“ machen und am Ende alle „vergraulen“.
EDIT: seitdem ich diesen Post verfasst habe, sind zwei neue echt gute Matches entstanden…
TLDR: I dated a traveling bird dog trainer, let him park his dog-filled truck in my heated garage overnight and tragedy struck, turning a second date into a chaotic, heartbreaking situation that ended things immediately.
I decided to switch up my usual type and go for someone more outdoorsy - someone who actually matched the phase I was in. I'd gotten more into hiking, photography, being outside more, so it felt like a natural shift. That's how I ended up talking to a guy whose job was...pretty unique. He trained bird dogs for a living. Not just locally either, he traveled all over the U.S. working with clients' dogs and he had a whole crew of his own.
We made plans for him to stop through my city while he was on a hunting trip. Our first date was genuinely great; easy conversation, good energy, the kind of night where you don't feel like you're trying too hard. It went well enough that we decided to extend his stay so we could spend another evening together.
On the second night, I invited him to stay at my place. The only complication...he had six dogs with him. Bringing six dogs into my house was obviously out of the question (as I have one small dog would had not been acclimated to that number yet), but he was used to traveling with them. His truck was set up for it, kennels, insulation, everything they typically need. And since it was cold outside, I had what felt like a thoughtful, logical idea at the time; he could park his truck in my heated garage for the night. Warmer, safer..it made sense to me. He agreed.
We went out, had another really good night, and everything felt...normal.
Until the next morning.
He went down to check on the dogs, and within minutes I could tell something was wrong. Several of them had overheated in the garage overnight and had...passed. Just like that. The shift from a great weekend to absolute chaos was instant.
He was frantic, understandably. I jumped in to help find an emergency vet that was open on a Sunday, and rushed the dogs that were still alive in. One didn't make it and had to be put down. The other survived.
It was intense, way beyond anything you expect from a second date. I'd never even witnessed an animal being put down before, let alone a situation like that. And at the same time, I'm standing there thinking...I've known this person in real life for maybe 48 hours.
There's no script for that. You just do your best to show up as a decent human being.
We didn't keep dating. There wasn't really a path foward after something like that. He reached out once later on, saying he struggled sometimes because he associated me with the experience. He blamed himself, he knew better than to leave them like that in a heated space.
And honestly...what do you even say to that?
I’m a 23F Chinese and he’s a 26M Slovenian. We met on tinder, but we’re both the kind of people who’s looking for serious relationships. In the beginning we got close really fast coz we vibe with each other, he showed great interest and energy e.g changed his wallpaper to my selfie and writing essays to apologize to me at 1am for not responding much during the day coz he was busy (he could see i was upset by that)
We started talking online since last July, but didn’t meet until October because he was busy traveling China( not just like randomly traveling around, he got his plans on everything for hiking and photography, which is his biggest hobby). We had a couple of fights during that time already because he always just disappeared for a day because he was sleeping on mountains or hiking or anything, I didn’t like that, I felt like no matter how busy he was, he could still send a message or two, sometimes he just randomly dropped a picture he took during the day, no other words were attached, I got irritated also by that, coz it felt like he got nothing to say to me. So I fought with him, accusing him for not being consistent, and there was a lot of hate speech because I thought he was playing with my feelings, but he only care to explain every time I was obviously lashing out already, then he would just explain himself and wanted us to end things there already seeing I behave like that. I apologized, suggesting we start talking again when he finally got time to meet. He agreed.
So time went by to October, he liked one of my posts in October, so I dmed him again, asking how’s it going and suggested to meet, it was all smooth until we met irl when I noticed he doesn’t even talk much or touch me much as he described he would when we talking online. Then he was defending himself by saying that he’s just an introverted person and shy that’s just how he is, but he never told me those things to me back when we were talking online. The thing drove me crazy was that he constantly mentioning his best friend who’s a woman and how close they’re with each other, and he kept saying that we aint compatible because we don’t share the same hobbies.
All im saying here is back in July he could understand me REALLY well like he could read my mind and so thoughtful about my minor thoughts even just during texts, but once we get to meet irl it’s whole different image he’s presenting me:
Has social anxiety, doesn’t talk much, doesn’t touch me much, doesn’t like public intimacy, doesn’t tell ppl around him about us, put more importance on hiking and photography than me. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong so i had major emotional breakdowns so i even chased him out from my apartment on my bday, we were both crying like idiots that day. I felt bad afterwards so I started to lower my gesture, i just got a new job during that period, and I was constantly asking for leaves because I wanted to go meet him up in other cities ( he was continuing his hiking trips after leaving my city) ; but he would told me he’s pissed at me for interrupting his plans, that im selfish and disrespectful. I hated hiking personally, but for spending more time with him, I hiked a whole day with him, I couldn’t stop crying at the end of the day asking does he even love me or i was just acting like a clown myself doing all those stupid things to prove my love to him, he kept comforting me while we were standing in the middle of the road, many ppl were just looking at us and he said: everyone here passed by us if they saw your face, they would know that i pissed u off really bad.
I still wanted to leave him, the uncertainty he gave me drove me crazy, but he started to cry when I decided to leave overnight by taxi to go back and telling me he was just acting he doesn’t care much because he was too afraid to get hurt once he got back. But when we separated, he would send 0 messages for a whole day, ofc i lashed out again, but he would just told me he was feeling depressed because of our situations, and telling me he was actually happy that I showed up to disrupt his plans.. I am so confused
Is it a red flag if I asked a chick for a boba date but she said she wants dinner instead?
I (35M) posted looking for a genuine connection a while ago. Not just hookups — someone to talk to deeply, flirt with, build something exciting.
Then she messaged me. 34F from [Her Country]. She said my post genuinely affected her, that she loved the way I wrote and that she felt a real spark. We started talking.
For three full weeks we talked every single day. Morning messages, goodnight texts, deep conversations, silly jokes, and yes… it slowly became very spicy. We exchanged lots of photos. She kept telling me how attracted she was to me, how much she loved my energy, my voice (we did video calls too). She said she hadn’t felt this excited in a long time.
Then she told me she wanted to meet. She even asked me to book a hotel and said she had bought a bunny girl costume just for our night together. I smiled like an idiot and booked my flight — 3 hours across Europe.
I landed. We met at the airport. She looked beautiful. For about ten minutes everything felt perfect… until she suddenly got quiet.
She told me she was married. That the moment she saw me in real life, something inside her switched off. She said she didn’t have the motivation to take even one more step forward. She asked if she could walk alone for a bit to think. I stood there like a fool watching her walk away.
A short while later I received a message: “This isn’t working for me, I don’t feel good about this. I’m sorry. Good luck.”
And she disappeared.
I’m not even angry. I’m just… disappointed and genuinely hurt. I feel stupid for believing it. For flying to another country with excitement like a teenager. For thinking this time it was different.
Ladies, I have a real question: Why do this?
You talked to a man every day for three weeks, flirted heavily, made him believe the connection was mutual, let him book flights and a hotel, told him you bought lingerie for him… and then changed your mind the second you saw him in person?
I know life is complicated. I know cold feet happen. But this one stings.
I just wanted to feel wanted. Instead I feel disposable.
If you’ve ever done something similar — or if you’re a woman who can explain this mindset — I’d really like to understand. No hate, just trying to heal my trust issues.
Thanks for reading.
Okay so over a week ago now i started talking to this guy and went over to his house to give him a piercing and one thing led to another and we ended up hooking up and the day after that as well, and he was really sweet after and said he saw us being a couple after talking for a little longer (understandable we had kinda just met) but now the conversation has kinda just died down i dont really know if it was my fault or his it was kinda both of us. wouldnt he be more obvious if he was sure he liked me?
This all started back in 2018. I met this guy on Tinder, and honestly, I was doing a lot of stuff out of my comfort zone. I’ve always been uncomfortable with the whole online dating thing, but I was just so tired of the "situationships" I’d been in before. I decided to take a chance. He seemed like a decent guy, right?
We talked for months. Finally, in October, he tells me to come over while he’s house-sitting. I agreed, but I wasn’t stupid—I had one of my best friends drop me off and pick me up because, like, what if this dude killed me? I needed someone to know where the fuck I was.
We hooked up, and I really thought there was a connection. Maybe I was delusional, I don't know, but I liked him a lot. But right after? He gets all wishy-washy and just straight-up ghosts me. I was like, "You know what? Shit happens." I unfollowed him on everything. If it didn’t work out, it didn’t work out. I wasn't going to persuade him.
But then he follows me back on Instagram. And for years—literally years—I just ignored him. But he’s always the first one to watch my stories. Every single time.
The irony is, I ended up dating that best friend who dropped me off that night. We’ve been together since 2019. This Tinder dude knows I’m in a relationship, but he’s still there, orbiting. I’d do those anonymous NGL things and get messages like "I messed up," and I suspect it was him, but who knows? I’ve had other fucked-up situationships, so I didn't engage.
A months ago, I finally broke no contact. I saw his story, he was at a doctor’s office, and I just sent a "hope you're okay." His response? "I fell for you hard." It was a joke about his injury, but it was so out of pocket. I just sent a "Dam!!!" and then… he left me on read. Again.
So now I’m sitting here like, why do I still fucking care? I’m in a good relationship. I’ve been happy for years. But it’s like this digital ghost won't leave my notifications, and I’m conflicted. Is it normal to still feel stuff after all this time? I feel like I’m being delusional. Should I just block him and be done with it?
So this is going to be a long one. I’m not going to look great in it either but, I’m willing to admit that I am far from a perfect person and was completely blinded by love.
I’ve written this out 3 separate times and got all neurodivergent and lost it cuz I kept typing it out here. I’m writing it in my notes this time before I post it. This will be my first time actually posting on Reddit but, I am a long time lurker. When I first wrote this out, I said fuck anonymity and used that fuckers full government name but, he does have a child that I just adore so I’m gunna try and be the bigger person and just hopefully give enough details that if this twatnozzle pops up on a dating app near you, you can swipe all the way left and save yourself a world of trouble.
I 32F met D(30M) on a dating app July 2025. Facebook dating in case that’s a mousekatool to use later. I had gotten out of a super messed up relationship about a year before that and I was still very skittish about the male population as a whole. I was honestly just trying to find a steady FWB kind of situation. Between being all broken from guy after shitty guy and working all the time and being a single mom, I figured casual fling would be the way to go. People suck but, a bitch has needs 🤷♀️ When we matched, he messaged me something about believing in coincidences which led to this really badass philosophical conversation. He was cute and interesting and smart. I was into him instantly. We talked for about a week before we met in person. The night we met was perfect. We clicked instantly and he was a perfect gentleman. I knew that night that this was gunna be way more than just a friends with benefits thing.
For some extra context, we did long distance for most of our relationship. I live in a small town about 2 hours from where he lives in Brookhaven Ms. so we start hanging out anytime we can. And at first it was only every few weeks because A.) I’m still very skittish and B.) I didn’t want to introduce him to my kid too soon. We messaged and talked on the phone constantly though. We talked or dated or whatever you want to call it for about 4 months before we made it official. He didn’t meet my little one until after that. I didn’t meet his little one until a couple of months after that. I thought we were taking it slow but, I fell head over heels in love with this man. I thought he was my soulmate. I thought he was the love of my life. I thought this was my future husband. I will say he’s always been intense. He’s been insecure from the jump too. I didn’t think too much of the insecurities. I know he had been hurt bad multiple times and had never really healed. In my delulu ass brain though, I thought this man is incredible.He’s the best partner. If the worst I have to worry about is a little insecurity, I’m golden. Incorrect btw y’all. If the red flags red flag, pay attention.
Fast forward to about 3 months ago. So he lost his job around Christmas. He was unemployed for almost 2 months and it was killing him. I know how devastating being unemployed is and I just was struggling seeing him like this so, I got him a job where I work. To make it make sense for him to work there(again he lived 2 hours away and he has a big ass gas guzzling truck for a vehicle) he was offered employee housing. The game plan from the rip was that he would work here until he found another job in Mississippi and then we would all move into his trailer there. He had been building the trailer from the ground up but, it got really bad German roaches. Inhospitable living space type shit. Infestation of the highest caliber. And rats. So, we knew we were gunna have to do some work on it before anyone could live there. I end up moving in with him. I was always with him and at work so it just made sense. Pretty early on, even before we moved in together, he was kind of intense about joining finances. I’m still sketched out by relationships as a whole. Trust issues. Abandonment issues. Mentally unstable all around issues. So I told him straight up that I wasn’t ready for that and probably wouldn’t be until we were married. His response was we might as well be. We love each other. We’re committed to each other. We want to get married eventually. Again I’m delulu and was just like huh. I guess that makes sense. So by the time we moved in together, I agreed we should share finances EXCEPT for my taxes.
Little context here, I have been working and paying taxes myself since I was 17 years old. What I do is take out as much as I can take out and still survive every paycheck for my taxes so every year I get a big fat check. I’m broke almost always and have been my whole life so I get a couple of months of stability every year thanks to this check. It has saved my ass more times than not. This year, I needed to get a car. Mine is on its last leg. When the check finally hit, we started looking for cars. Neither me or him were legal though so I had this plan to use some of the tax money to get legal and to get his truck fixed up to where it’ll be functioning if something happens to my car while we’re saving up to get the new one. As soon as I told him this idea he was all for it and started getting weird about the tax money. The first incident was when I moved the money that we were planning on using to get the car when we had enough into an IRA that I have. I figured it may be a while before we can get the new car maybe I can build up some interest. He asked to use my debit card from my bank account for gas or something while I was at work one day. He calls me at work and said that someone had taken money from my account. I said what? Apparently, he had gone to an ATM to see how much money was in my account. I was taken aback. I asked him why he checked my account balance at the ATM when he could have just asked me? I explained that I had moved money over to my IRA. He said he just wanted to know how much he could spend and called me weird for not telling him about my IRA. I told him it wasn’t intentional. I had honestly forgotten about it but it lightbulb momented in my head. He started demanding that I show him my IRA because we were sharing finances so he should know all accounts that I have. I told him it was an IRA not like a bank account and that it was my tax money. I told him I didn’t mind showing him but, the behavior was sketchy. He lost it on me saying,”how could you think of me like that?” and yelling at me over the phone about lying to him. I was angry as hell and also at work. This whole argument played out in front of people I work with and we’re a very small staff. I told him I was done talking about it. We had both of the kids the weekend coming up and I didn’t want to be fighting all weekend so I was done with it until the weekend was over at least. By the time I got home from work, he was acting as if nothing happened. It was weirding me out so I told him I was sorry for getting overwhelmed with the argument and just cutting it off and before I finished speaking he said,”you don’t want to talk about it remember?” Gave me this hella hateful look and then changed the subject again as if nothing had happened. We went about our lives.
For a week or two everything was great. Then, we got the news that we were going to have to leave the employee housing in a month cuz of some work shit. I said ok scratch the getting legal and shit we will use some of the tax money to get the trailer ready and just fast track our plan to move to Mississippi. He was hella game for that of course. Then about a month ago, I got sick. I have IBS so I have all sorts of tummy issues regularly plus I have an anxiety disorder and stress activates the IBS a lot of the time but, I was throwing up every single morning as soon as I woke up for two weeks straight. My stomach got progressively worse in that time period. By the time I went to the ER I hadn’t eaten a full meal in like 3 days. I couldn’t even hold down water. I got these crazy abdominal cramps and there was blood in my throw up and that’s what finally did it. We went to the ER. We were there for 6 hours. They didn’t give me anything for the pain until about 4 1/2 hours in. I didn’t get released until midnight. So I get in the car and everyone’s exhausted and hungry. The only money we had was my tax money that I had saved in my bank for the getting us legal and then fixing the house. At some point I realize my wallet isn’t in my purse. My purse is broken though and wouldn’t zip so I wasn’t super shocked. He on the other hand lost his god damn mind. He started tearing the car apart looking for the wallet. I was beyond ready to go home and I was like look we can just use my phone to get whatever we need but I want to go home. I’m tired and feel like ass. I’m sure it’s somewhere in the hospital and I will come back and get it in the morning. He was infuriated that I said that. Said I was just giving up. I said ok and went inside to ask the er if they had seen the wallet in my room. They didn’t so I went back out to the car and said look they didn’t see it but I know it has to be in there. I will come back in the morning and find the wallet. Let’s just go home. Nope. Rage round 2. I went back inside and asked if they could look for the wallet in the bathrooms I had gone to while I was there. They found it! Great. The drama is over. So we get on the road and go to get gas first. My god damn debit card isn’t in my wallet. I’m like oh god he’s gunna lose it all over anddddddd he did. I could have sworn the card was at the house cuz that’s where I used it last so he drives home in a fit of rage. He’s acting like a jerk. I’m half alive at this point and just wanted to go to sleep. He storms into the house and of course it wasn’t where I thought it was so he starts throwing shit and tripping balls. He dumps my purse into the bathroom sink and my card falls out. I looked in my purse and didn’t see it but there it was so yayyyyy. Dramas over round 2. He goes to get food and gas. I go the fuck to sleep. He calls me 20 minutes later in a panic demanding to know why I locked my card. I was like the actual fuck are you talking about? This turns into a 3 hour ordeal. My bank had caught fraud. There was like $600 trying to be processed from my account so I went into the banking app accepted the fraud thing and got a new debit card ordered. He was big tripping by this point. Demanded that when my new bank card gets here, he was going to be carrying it. The whole thing was weird.
The next morning, he asked me to call the bank on speaker so he could hear whatever the fuck and only after that did he chill tf out. We were just waiting for the card at this point. I honestly think this is where he snapped. We had a pretty normal 2 weeks following that. The card got sent to an old address though and we needed to start getting the house ready so I was gunna go get a loan to start working on the house and just pay it back when I had access to my money again. He got HELLA weird about the loan. he wanted to be there when I got it. My spidey senses were tingling but I was like fuck it we can both go get it. Fast forward to Monday. The game plan for the day was that we were both gunna go to work and try and get off as early as possible so we could go get this loan. At 9:30 I get a Snapchat from my best friend. Me and her have been friends for almost 20 years. THAT is my soulmate. In the Snapchat she said we need to have a heart to heart I’m really worried. Call me when you can. I was like well fuck and called her immediately. Apparently D had added one of me and the besties mutual friends on Facebook and messaged him telling him not to send me goodnight and good morning texts on Snapchat anymore because it was disrespectful to our relationship.
Let me break this down a little for context too. Snapchat is my primary form of communication with my friends. I have like 13 Snapchat streaks and I’m a little obsessive about them. One of the people I snap with who is also a mutual friend of me and the bestie sends his streak picture most of the time right before he goes to sleep or right when he wakes up. It’s usually a picture of his wall or coffee cup or whatever is in front of him at the time with a snap chat filter that says good morning or goodnight. He send these pictures to the other people he streaks as well. This is what D was trying to talk shit about. He didn’t even message the right person when he went behind my back. Anyway, so bestie goes on to tell me that the friend D had messaged snapped her and asked if she had heard from me today because he was worried about me because my dude had messaged him. Bestie was like WEIRD behavior. Controlling behavior. What the actual fuck? I was devastated because for fucking what? Things are finally going well and we’re supposed to be moving into this man’s house in less than a month. I’m so in love with this man. Worship him. I would literally never do anything to hurt him. Why would he do this? So I call him. I told him don’t worry about getting off of work early today. We’re not going to get this loan. As soon as we get home we’re gunna have a conversation. I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the day until I got home. We sat down and I asked him why. He said he felt disrespected by my friend that snapped me good morning and good night at the same time everyday. I said that was not the case. It was not the same time everyday. It wasn’t even always the good morning and good night snaps. I sat there justifying absolutely nothing. I told him he betrayed my trust by going behind my back like that and I didn’t trust him enough to move into the house in a month. I told him I’d still pay for the exterminator but, I wasn’t moving out there. I was willing to work on our relationship though as long as he immediately found some kind of therapy or help in some capacity.
I disassociated into the void and remembered we had chicken in the fridge that had to be cooked that night or it would go bad so I told him I needed to cook dinner. I manically cleaned the shit out of the kitchen and made dinner. He sat outside on the patio the whole time. I finished cooking and made him a plate. I put it in the microwave cuz I didn’t know if he was gunna eat it right then or not. I let him know dinner was ready. He came in and tried to make a plate and I told him it was in the microwave. He grabs it and starts heading back outside. I asked if we were going to eat dinner together. I just cooked and we normally eat together. He just said he was going to eat outside. I said bet and went to the room and ate and watched Euphoria. At some point he comes in the room. It was at least an hour after dinner was ready but, I think it was closer to 2 hours. We decided to watch Star Wars cuz it was May the 4th and we’re both super nerds so the white flag was waved and we layed down. As the movie was starting, he asked if the game plan was still to get the exterminator for the house. I said yes. I’m going to go get the loan tomorrow. He asked if he could come with me still and I said there’s really no need. I’ll get off of work in time to go grab it and you won’t have to miss any work. He got upset. Like genuinely upset and claimed that he had wanted to come with me since I decided I was going to try and get the loan. I was like,” there’s no reason for you not to make money when I can just go get the loan myself. It’s going to be in my name and I’m paying it back with the tax money so like you really don’t have anything to do with it.”He tried to say he had never gotten a payday loan and he wanted to see how it was done. I was like actually you have because he had taken out advances from cashapp and other payday loan apps before. Even if it ends up being an installment loan, it’s the same concept. The interest is going to be bonkers high. Why are you being so intense about being with me to get a loan? I’ve taken out a bunch of them and paid them back. I’m 32 god damn years old like I can go get a loan by myself.
He asked why I was being weird about him going with me now and I told him straight up that I don’t trust him at this point to have full access to my finances. I told him it also didn’t explain why he was being so weird about going with me to get it. This was a whole argument that somehow ended with me going to sleep on the coach. Just as I had started to doze off, this motherfucker comes out and asks if I’m coherent enough to talk about stuff. I wake myself up and lock in. “What’s up?” I ask him. He’s asking about the loan and why I don’t want him to come with me. I told him at this point, I’ve already expressed my discomfort with you being all in my finances and you’re still pushing. It’s controlling behavior. He HATED that. He said that he felt like it was a divide between us and that he wasn’t trying to be controlling. He asked if he had ever disagreed with any of my decisions about the money thus far. I didn’t actually say this but I thought it didn’t matter what he thought of my decisions about my tax money. We started arguing again and he eventually asked,” if you think I’m being controlling and I think we’re divided how do we move past this?” I told him,” you can let go of anything having to do with my tax money.” He said,” oh I already have.” I said,” Bet. Then we have nothing to fight about. Can I come to bed?” He said,” it’s your bed. You chose to sleep on the couch.” And he went to the room. I gathered my pillows n such and went to bed.
I started dozing off and instinctively wrapped myself around him. We cuddled for a minute and right as I was about to pass all the way out, he shoots up. He gets up and turns on a light and then starts walking around. Eventually he starts grabbing his pillows and shit and I asked what he was doing. He said he was going to sleep on the couch. I asked him why. He said he was too paranoid to sleep in the bed. I was done. I said ok and went to sleep. The next morning I woke up and he was already up and outside on the patio. I met him out there. We sat in silence for what felt like ever. At some point, he asked what I wanted to talk about. I braced myself and said,” we need to figure out how to live in harmony until we can figure this out. I don’t want to be fighting and acting crazy in front of my kid. My therapist appointment is Thursday and you are actively trying to make yours. What do you need from me to be chill until then?” He said he didn’t want to just pretend like everything was ok. He wanted to talk about it and resolve all the issues. I told him there is no way I’m going to deal with this in a day or two. We both needed to talk to the therapists before we dealt with all this stuff. I asked again what he needed from me to live in peace until we could work through all of this stuff. He told me that I needed to acknowledge what I did wrong. I was floored all over again.
I asked him to tell me specifically what I did wrong. He said he had told me multiple times before what I have done wrong. I told him actually no. You’ve always ended up apologizing and saying it wasn’t me. He said he was just going to go to his trailer after work today. I blinked and asked him if that meant he was leaving and we were breaking up. He told me if I couldn’t process and accept what I have done wrong we shouldn’t be together. I asked him if he could tell me specifically and verbatim what I have done and I will work on it. He rolled his eyes at me and said he was done. I said so this is it. You’re leaving and we’re breaking up. He said yes. He told me to get my stuff out of his truck and off of his trailer and he left for work. My kid was right inside while all of this went down. He didn’t even say goodbye to them. I went to work and was an absolute disaster but I worked my shift. I got someone else to watch my little one after work and when I went home, he was putting the mattress on the trailer. He had taken all of my stuff off and put it under the carport. He was on the phone with his best friend casually talking as if this was just another Tuesday. I walked inside and looked around. He had packed up a bunch of his stuff. I sat down and smoked a bowl and realized I didn’t have to sit here and watch this. My job is 2 minutes away from here so I got in my car and drove towards work. I waited there in parking lot talking to my best friend about what was going on for an hour or so. I went back to see if he had left and he had. Not a word. Not even looking me in the eye. Just disappeared.
I was fucking distraught. I felt used. I felt conned. He dipped out without regard for either of our children or the fact that we were planning on moving to his house in less than a month. With no regard for anyone or anything but himself. Here I am 4 days later lost as all hell. Super confused. I packed up anything he left behind of his or his kids and put it on my patio. I blocked him off of all social media. I kept his phone number unblocked so I could send him a text saying I had left all the stuff he had left on the patio. He responded with,” I will come and get it when I have the money.” I have deleted every picture or memory or anything attached to him. I wish I never met him. Don’t get me wrong I am heartbroken. I’m going to mourn the man I thought that dude was probably forever. But I also am stuck a little bit on trying to figure out the why. Trying to make sense of what the actual fuck just happened.
Some stuff I didn’t get to that is relevant to the story: he was separated from his ex wife/baby mama when we met but not officially divorced. He was damn near offically divorced a few weeks ago but didn’t send in all of the paperwork. I don’t know if he’s even offically divorced now. He’s also 2-4 months behind on his child support. I will say that dude loved his kid within the capacity that a person like that can love anyone. He has the kid on a specific schedule and does everything he can for them so the child support is a little extra in his defense. However, he is still legally obligated to pay it and is 2-4 months behind. Also, at this point just a fun fact and not actually relevant, the dude never brushed his teeth. Not once in the 10 months we were together. Never did I ever see a toothbrush. That’s on me for still letting that stank mouth anywhere near me. I will say that he didn’t have bad breathe per se. He smoked cigarettes heavily so his breath always tasted and smelled like cigarettes. I was a heavy smoker for a long time. I quit and started vaping like 6 years ago. When we started dating and through the duration of our relationship, I did pick the habit up again. Never bought a pack but smoked a ton of his so it would have been actually hypocritical of I’d have talked shit about his breath and shit when it really was only the smokers breath.
I figure maybe he’s on drugs again. He told me that years ago he was addicted to meth. That was his explanation for his teeth and why I gave him so much grace about it. I too fight addiction demons pretty regularly so I didn’t want to judge him on that. I would like to know what the game was. What the con was. If it was all just a con or an extended power move. If any of what we felt for each other was real. Some closure would be nice. I also don’t need it to move on. Obviously everything that came out of this guys mouth was a lie so I wouldn’t believe an explanation if he tried to give one anyway. He did try to call me last night. There was a singular missed call. No voicemail. No text. Just a missed call. I was asleep but, I wouldn’t have answered anyway. Maybe all of this is a cautionary tale. Mostly it’s me trying to let it out and let it go. Thanks for reading all of this if you made it this far. Wish me luck on this healing journey. Good vibes the whole universes way ✌️
TLDR; My ex was either absolutely psychotic or a conman and I’ll probably never know regardless
Disclaimer: I am a trans guy. I am male-presenting but I have a vagina. I am also gay, meaning I like men. Just being upfront so anybody not interested can leave now.
So, I very recently got broken up with and was feeling pretty low about myself so decided to go on Grindr and find some guy for something short term for one night to take my mind off things. Very stupid and dangerous I know, not a good plan to start with.
I was talking to this guy, he’s like 34 (I’m 21) and he’s pretty hot and like funny and flirty and not too forward. After an hour or so of texting I tell him frankly how I’m really looking for a hookup, and he seems like a decent trustworthy enough guy, and if he’s down then I’m down to meet that same night. He’s shocked but he agrees.
We meet outside this little deli on the corner by my building then go up to my apartment at like 9pm. He’s not as hot as his pics but he’s still not bad, and he’s kinda nervous but I tell myself it’s just cos he’s excited. Anyway we get in my room and start making out and he’s like almost shaking. I check whether he’s ok and he says he just can’t wait.
I won’t get into any graphic details, but the sex was meh. He wouldn’t take the lead, I felt like I had to do everything, which wasn’t ideal as I’m usually more of a sub. He also finished quicker than I would’ve liked.
Here’s where things get more awkward though… as he was getting close to finishing he was like moaning stuff like “baby, yes baby daddy has waited for this, daddy loves you”. A bit much for me, I wasn’t into it tbh and it came out of nowhere (no pun intended) so I kinda ignored it and carried on in the moment. Then literally as he was cumming he calls out a girl’s name!! I was not happy.
I pretty much flipped out on him immediately. I was upfront with him about being a trans man, I did not bring him here to misgender me or to use me to fantasise about some woman. I sent him away and blocked him immediately.
Then a little while afterwards I was bored and decided to see if I could find him on Facebook to find out who this girl was he was thinking about. (It’s a small-ish town and he told me where he works so this was easier than it sounds lol). I found him, and looked through his contacts, and a few of his photos… IT WAS HIS DAUGHTER’S NAME!!! SHE IS FOURTEEN YEARS OLD!!!
So yea I felt super disgusting after that. I blocked him on Facebook too to be safe, but yea, Jesus Christ. Still can’t believe it tbh. I hope the daughter is safe. I won’t be hooking up with older strangers again anytime soon.
TLDR: I hooked up with a guy, he misgendered me calling me a girl’s name. Turns out it was his teenage daughter’s name.