u/Ok-Buy-2002

So this is going to be a long one. I’m not going to look great in it either but, I’m willing to admit that I am far from a perfect person and was completely blinded by love.

I’ve written this out 3 separate times and got all neurodivergent and lost it cuz I kept typing it out here. I’m writing it in my notes this time before I post it. This will be my first time actually posting on Reddit but, I am a long time lurker. When I first wrote this out, I said fuck anonymity and used that fuckers full government name but, he does have a child that I just adore so I’m gunna try and be the bigger person and just hopefully give enough details that if this twatnozzle pops up on a dating app near you, you can swipe all the way left and save yourself a world of trouble.

I 32F met D(30M) on a dating app July 2025. Facebook dating in case that’s a mousekatool to use later. I had gotten out of a super messed up relationship about a year before that and I was still very skittish about the male population as a whole. I was honestly just trying to find a steady FWB kind of situation. Between being all broken from guy after shitty guy and working all the time and being a single mom, I figured casual fling would be the way to go. People suck but, a bitch has needs 🤷‍♀️ When we matched, he messaged me something about believing in coincidences which led to this really badass philosophical conversation. He was cute and interesting and smart. I was into him instantly. We talked for about a week before we met in person. The night we met was perfect. We clicked instantly and he was a perfect gentleman. I knew that night that this was gunna be way more than just a friends with benefits thing.

For some extra context, we did long distance for most of our relationship. I live in a small town about 2 hours from where he lives in Brookhaven Ms. so we start hanging out anytime we can. And at first it was only every few weeks because A.) I’m still very skittish and B.) I didn’t want to introduce him to my kid too soon. We messaged and talked on the phone constantly though. We talked or dated or whatever you want to call it for about 4 months before we made it official. He didn’t meet my little one until after that. I didn’t meet his little one until a couple of months after that. I thought we were taking it slow but, I fell head over heels in love with this man. I thought he was my soulmate. I thought he was the love of my life. I thought this was my future husband. I will say he’s always been intense. He’s been insecure from the jump too. I didn’t think too much of the insecurities. I know he had been hurt bad multiple times and had never really healed. In my delulu ass brain though, I thought this man is incredible.He’s the best partner. If the worst I have to worry about is a little insecurity, I’m golden. Incorrect btw y’all. If the red flags red flag, pay attention.

Fast forward to about 3 months ago. So he lost his job around Christmas. He was unemployed for almost 2 months and it was killing him. I know how devastating being unemployed is and I just was struggling seeing him like this so, I got him a job where I work. To make it make sense for him to work there(again he lived 2 hours away and he has a big ass gas guzzling truck for a vehicle) he was offered employee housing. The game plan from the rip was that he would work here until he found another job in Mississippi and then we would all move into his trailer there. He had been building the trailer from the ground up but, it got really bad German roaches. Inhospitable living space type shit. Infestation of the highest caliber. And rats. So, we knew we were gunna have to do some work on it before anyone could live there. I end up moving in with him. I was always with him and at work so it just made sense. Pretty early on, even before we moved in together, he was kind of intense about joining finances. I’m still sketched out by relationships as a whole. Trust issues. Abandonment issues. Mentally unstable all around issues. So I told him straight up that I wasn’t ready for that and probably wouldn’t be until we were married. His response was we might as well be. We love each other. We’re committed to each other. We want to get married eventually. Again I’m delulu and was just like huh. I guess that makes sense. So by the time we moved in together, I agreed we should share finances EXCEPT for my taxes.

Little context here, I have been working and paying taxes myself since I was 17 years old. What I do is take out as much as I can take out and still survive every paycheck for my taxes so every year I get a big fat check. I’m broke almost always and have been my whole life so I get a couple of months of stability every year thanks to this check. It has saved my ass more times than not. This year, I needed to get a car. Mine is on its last leg. When the check finally hit, we started looking for cars. Neither me or him were legal though so I had this plan to use some of the tax money to get legal and to get his truck fixed up to where it’ll be functioning if something happens to my car while we’re saving up to get the new one. As soon as I told him this idea he was all for it and started getting weird about the tax money. The first incident was when I moved the money that we were planning on using to get the car when we had enough into an IRA that I have. I figured it may be a while before we can get the new car maybe I can build up some interest. He asked to use my debit card from my bank account for gas or something while I was at work one day. He calls me at work and said that someone had taken money from my account. I said what? Apparently, he had gone to an ATM to see how much money was in my account. I was taken aback. I asked him why he checked my account balance at the ATM when he could have just asked me? I explained that I had moved money over to my IRA. He said he just wanted to know how much he could spend and called me weird for not telling him about my IRA. I told him it wasn’t intentional. I had honestly forgotten about it but it lightbulb momented in my head. He started demanding that I show him my IRA because we were sharing finances so he should know all accounts that I have. I told him it was an IRA not like a bank account and that it was my tax money. I told him I didn’t mind showing him but, the behavior was sketchy. He lost it on me saying,”how could you think of me like that?” and yelling at me over the phone about lying to him. I was angry as hell and also at work. This whole argument played out in front of people I work with and we’re a very small staff. I told him I was done talking about it. We had both of the kids the weekend coming up and I didn’t want to be fighting all weekend so I was done with it until the weekend was over at least. By the time I got home from work, he was acting as if nothing happened. It was weirding me out so I told him I was sorry for getting overwhelmed with the argument and just cutting it off and before I finished speaking he said,”you don’t want to talk about it remember?” Gave me this hella hateful look and then changed the subject again as if nothing had happened. We went about our lives.

For a week or two everything was great. Then, we got the news that we were going to have to leave the employee housing in a month cuz of some work shit. I said ok scratch the getting legal and shit we will use some of the tax money to get the trailer ready and just fast track our plan to move to Mississippi. He was hella game for that of course. Then about a month ago, I got sick. I have IBS so I have all sorts of tummy issues regularly plus I have an anxiety disorder and stress activates the IBS a lot of the time but, I was throwing up every single morning as soon as I woke up for two weeks straight. My stomach got progressively worse in that time period. By the time I went to the ER I hadn’t eaten a full meal in like 3 days. I couldn’t even hold down water. I got these crazy abdominal cramps and there was blood in my throw up and that’s what finally did it. We went to the ER. We were there for 6 hours. They didn’t give me anything for the pain until about 4 1/2 hours in. I didn’t get released until midnight. So I get in the car and everyone’s exhausted and hungry. The only money we had was my tax money that I had saved in my bank for the getting us legal and then fixing the house. At some point I realize my wallet isn’t in my purse. My purse is broken though and wouldn’t zip so I wasn’t super shocked. He on the other hand lost his god damn mind. He started tearing the car apart looking for the wallet. I was beyond ready to go home and I was like look we can just use my phone to get whatever we need but I want to go home. I’m tired and feel like ass. I’m sure it’s somewhere in the hospital and I will come back and get it in the morning. He was infuriated that I said that. Said I was just giving up. I said ok and went inside to ask the er if they had seen the wallet in my room. They didn’t so I went back out to the car and said look they didn’t see it but I know it has to be in there. I will come back in the morning and find the wallet. Let’s just go home. Nope. Rage round 2. I went back inside and asked if they could look for the wallet in the bathrooms I had gone to while I was there. They found it! Great. The drama is over. So we get on the road and go to get gas first. My god damn debit card isn’t in my wallet. I’m like oh god he’s gunna lose it all over anddddddd he did. I could have sworn the card was at the house cuz that’s where I used it last so he drives home in a fit of rage. He’s acting like a jerk. I’m half alive at this point and just wanted to go to sleep. He storms into the house and of course it wasn’t where I thought it was so he starts throwing shit and tripping balls. He dumps my purse into the bathroom sink and my card falls out. I looked in my purse and didn’t see it but there it was so yayyyyy. Dramas over round 2. He goes to get food and gas. I go the fuck to sleep. He calls me 20 minutes later in a panic demanding to know why I locked my card. I was like the actual fuck are you talking about? This turns into a 3 hour ordeal. My bank had caught fraud. There was like $600 trying to be processed from my account so I went into the banking app accepted the fraud thing and got a new debit card ordered. He was big tripping by this point. Demanded that when my new bank card gets here, he was going to be carrying it. The whole thing was weird.

The next morning, he asked me to call the bank on speaker so he could hear whatever the fuck and only after that did he chill tf out. We were just waiting for the card at this point. I honestly think this is where he snapped. We had a pretty normal 2 weeks following that. The card got sent to an old address though and we needed to start getting the house ready so I was gunna go get a loan to start working on the house and just pay it back when I had access to my money again. He got HELLA weird about the loan. he wanted to be there when I got it. My spidey senses were tingling but I was like fuck it we can both go get it. Fast forward to Monday. The game plan for the day was that we were both gunna go to work and try and get off as early as possible so we could go get this loan. At 9:30 I get a Snapchat from my best friend. Me and her have been friends for almost 20 years. THAT is my soulmate. In the Snapchat she said we need to have a heart to heart I’m really worried. Call me when you can. I was like well fuck and called her immediately. Apparently D had added one of me and the besties mutual friends on Facebook and messaged him telling him not to send me goodnight and good morning texts on Snapchat anymore because it was disrespectful to our relationship.

Let me break this down a little for context too. Snapchat is my primary form of communication with my friends. I have like 13 Snapchat streaks and I’m a little obsessive about them. One of the people I snap with who is also a mutual friend of me and the bestie sends his streak picture most of the time right before he goes to sleep or right when he wakes up. It’s usually a picture of his wall or coffee cup or whatever is in front of him at the time with a snap chat filter that says good morning or goodnight. He send these pictures to the other people he streaks as well. This is what D was trying to talk shit about. He didn’t even message the right person when he went behind my back. Anyway, so bestie goes on to tell me that the friend D had messaged snapped her and asked if she had heard from me today because he was worried about me because my dude had messaged him. Bestie was like WEIRD behavior. Controlling behavior. What the actual fuck? I was devastated because for fucking what? Things are finally going well and we’re supposed to be moving into this man’s house in less than a month. I’m so in love with this man. Worship him. I would literally never do anything to hurt him. Why would he do this? So I call him. I told him don’t worry about getting off of work early today. We’re not going to get this loan. As soon as we get home we’re gunna have a conversation. I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the day until I got home. We sat down and I asked him why. He said he felt disrespected by my friend that snapped me good morning and good night at the same time everyday. I said that was not the case. It was not the same time everyday. It wasn’t even always the good morning and good night snaps. I sat there justifying absolutely nothing. I told him he betrayed my trust by going behind my back like that and I didn’t trust him enough to move into the house in a month. I told him I’d still pay for the exterminator but, I wasn’t moving out there. I was willing to work on our relationship though as long as he immediately found some kind of therapy or help in some capacity.

I disassociated into the void and remembered we had chicken in the fridge that had to be cooked that night or it would go bad so I told him I needed to cook dinner. I manically cleaned the shit out of the kitchen and made dinner. He sat outside on the patio the whole time. I finished cooking and made him a plate. I put it in the microwave cuz I didn’t know if he was gunna eat it right then or not. I let him know dinner was ready. He came in and tried to make a plate and I told him it was in the microwave. He grabs it and starts heading back outside. I asked if we were going to eat dinner together. I just cooked and we normally eat together. He just said he was going to eat outside. I said bet and went to the room and ate and watched Euphoria. At some point he comes in the room. It was at least an hour after dinner was ready but, I think it was closer to 2 hours. We decided to watch Star Wars cuz it was May the 4th and we’re both super nerds so the white flag was waved and we layed down. As the movie was starting, he asked if the game plan was still to get the exterminator for the house. I said yes. I’m going to go get the loan tomorrow. He asked if he could come with me still and I said there’s really no need. I’ll get off of work in time to go grab it and you won’t have to miss any work. He got upset. Like genuinely upset and claimed that he had wanted to come with me since I decided I was going to try and get the loan. I was like,” there’s no reason for you not to make money when I can just go get the loan myself. It’s going to be in my name and I’m paying it back with the tax money so like you really don’t have anything to do with it.”He tried to say he had never gotten a payday loan and he wanted to see how it was done. I was like actually you have because he had taken out advances from cashapp and other payday loan apps before. Even if it ends up being an installment loan, it’s the same concept. The interest is going to be bonkers high. Why are you being so intense about being with me to get a loan? I’ve taken out a bunch of them and paid them back. I’m 32 god damn years old like I can go get a loan by myself.

He asked why I was being weird about him going with me now and I told him straight up that I don’t trust him at this point to have full access to my finances. I told him it also didn’t explain why he was being so weird about going with me to get it. This was a whole argument that somehow ended with me going to sleep on the coach. Just as I had started to doze off, this motherfucker comes out and asks if I’m coherent enough to talk about stuff. I wake myself up and lock in. “What’s up?” I ask him. He’s asking about the loan and why I don’t want him to come with me. I told him at this point, I’ve already expressed my discomfort with you being all in my finances and you’re still pushing. It’s controlling behavior. He HATED that. He said that he felt like it was a divide between us and that he wasn’t trying to be controlling. He asked if he had ever disagreed with any of my decisions about the money thus far. I didn’t actually say this but I thought it didn’t matter what he thought of my decisions about my tax money. We started arguing again and he eventually asked,” if you think I’m being controlling and I think we’re divided how do we move past this?” I told him,” you can let go of anything having to do with my tax money.” He said,” oh I already have.” I said,” Bet. Then we have nothing to fight about. Can I come to bed?” He said,” it’s your bed. You chose to sleep on the couch.” And he went to the room. I gathered my pillows n such and went to bed.

I started dozing off and instinctively wrapped myself around him. We cuddled for a minute and right as I was about to pass all the way out, he shoots up. He gets up and turns on a light and then starts walking around. Eventually he starts grabbing his pillows and shit and I asked what he was doing. He said he was going to sleep on the couch. I asked him why. He said he was too paranoid to sleep in the bed. I was done. I said ok and went to sleep. The next morning I woke up and he was already up and outside on the patio. I met him out there. We sat in silence for what felt like ever. At some point, he asked what I wanted to talk about. I braced myself and said,” we need to figure out how to live in harmony until we can figure this out. I don’t want to be fighting and acting crazy in front of my kid. My therapist appointment is Thursday and you are actively trying to make yours. What do you need from me to be chill until then?” He said he didn’t want to just pretend like everything was ok. He wanted to talk about it and resolve all the issues. I told him there is no way I’m going to deal with this in a day or two. We both needed to talk to the therapists before we dealt with all this stuff. I asked again what he needed from me to live in peace until we could work through all of this stuff. He told me that I needed to acknowledge what I did wrong. I was floored all over again.

I asked him to tell me specifically what I did wrong. He said he had told me multiple times before what I have done wrong. I told him actually no. You’ve always ended up apologizing and saying it wasn’t me. He said he was just going to go to his trailer after work today. I blinked and asked him if that meant he was leaving and we were breaking up. He told me if I couldn’t process and accept what I have done wrong we shouldn’t be together. I asked him if he could tell me specifically and verbatim what I have done and I will work on it. He rolled his eyes at me and said he was done. I said so this is it. You’re leaving and we’re breaking up. He said yes. He told me to get my stuff out of his truck and off of his trailer and he left for work. My kid was right inside while all of this went down. He didn’t even say goodbye to them. I went to work and was an absolute disaster but I worked my shift. I got someone else to watch my little one after work and when I went home, he was putting the mattress on the trailer. He had taken all of my stuff off and put it under the carport. He was on the phone with his best friend casually talking as if this was just another Tuesday. I walked inside and looked around. He had packed up a bunch of his stuff. I sat down and smoked a bowl and realized I didn’t have to sit here and watch this. My job is 2 minutes away from here so I got in my car and drove towards work. I waited there in parking lot talking to my best friend about what was going on for an hour or so. I went back to see if he had left and he had. Not a word. Not even looking me in the eye. Just disappeared.

I was fucking distraught. I felt used. I felt conned. He dipped out without regard for either of our children or the fact that we were planning on moving to his house in less than a month. With no regard for anyone or anything but himself. Here I am 4 days later lost as all hell. Super confused. I packed up anything he left behind of his or his kids and put it on my patio. I blocked him off of all social media. I kept his phone number unblocked so I could send him a text saying I had left all the stuff he had left on the patio. He responded with,” I will come and get it when I have the money.” I have deleted every picture or memory or anything attached to him. I wish I never met him. Don’t get me wrong I am heartbroken. I’m going to mourn the man I thought that dude was probably forever. But I also am stuck a little bit on trying to figure out the why. Trying to make sense of what the actual fuck just happened.

Some stuff I didn’t get to that is relevant to the story: he was separated from his ex wife/baby mama when we met but not officially divorced. He was damn near offically divorced a few weeks ago but didn’t send in all of the paperwork. I don’t know if he’s even offically divorced now. He’s also 2-4 months behind on his child support. I will say that dude loved his kid within the capacity that a person like that can love anyone. He has the kid on a specific schedule and does everything he can for them so the child support is a little extra in his defense. However, he is still legally obligated to pay it and is 2-4 months behind. Also, at this point just a fun fact and not actually relevant, the dude never brushed his teeth. Not once in the 10 months we were together. Never did I ever see a toothbrush. That’s on me for still letting that stank mouth anywhere near me. I will say that he didn’t have bad breathe per se. He smoked cigarettes heavily so his breath always tasted and smelled like cigarettes. I was a heavy smoker for a long time. I quit and started vaping like 6 years ago. When we started dating and through the duration of our relationship, I did pick the habit up again. Never bought a pack but smoked a ton of his so it would have been actually hypocritical of I’d have talked shit about his breath and shit when it really was only the smokers breath.

I figure maybe he’s on drugs again. He told me that years ago he was addicted to meth. That was his explanation for his teeth and why I gave him so much grace about it. I too fight addiction demons pretty regularly so I didn’t want to judge him on that. I would like to know what the game was. What the con was. If it was all just a con or an extended power move. If any of what we felt for each other was real. Some closure would be nice. I also don’t need it to move on. Obviously everything that came out of this guys mouth was a lie so I wouldn’t believe an explanation if he tried to give one anyway. He did try to call me last night. There was a singular missed call. No voicemail. No text. Just a missed call. I was asleep but, I wouldn’t have answered anyway. Maybe all of this is a cautionary tale. Mostly it’s me trying to let it out and let it go. Thanks for reading all of this if you made it this far. Wish me luck on this healing journey. Good vibes the whole universes way ✌️

TLDR; My ex was either absolutely psychotic or a conman and I’ll probably never know regardless