r/CancerFamilySupport

My mom and I just got off the phone. She’s struggled with cancer for a really long time… But now it’s looking like this time it’s going to win, and soon.

I’m filled with so much anger and guilt toward myself, because I wasn’t the kid my mom deserved. She went through a really traumatizing miscarriage and wasn’t able to have children after that, so my parents adopted me 🥹… but I grew up confused about being adopted and dealing with mental health stuff none of us knew how to handle.

I was pretty shitty to my parents growing up. I picked fights, did drugs, snuck out… I made them worry and cry without really caring about what they were going through. And I understand that most of us are shitty teens, but I’m 34 now and I let distance continue to grow between us through my 20s because I just didn’t want to make time to close the gap.

Even with all that distance, my mom was always on my side. I always knew she loved me… we just never really bonded.

Over the last few years, we’ve slowly gotten closer. Not close, but closer… and I’m realizing how much of that distance was my fault. I’ve been trying to be better, to show up, to show them I really do care…. But how can a few years make up for 30 years of distance… especially when so much of it was on me?

And now I’m running out of time to give my mom everything I never gave her… and it hurts so bad. I don’t know what to do with all this pain and guilt.

It's over. I only first posted here a few days ago. She went on end of life care on Sunday night and finally slipped away this morning. I'm glad her suffering is over, but mine will linger forever. She's finally able to rest.

My mother was diagnosed with cervical cancer late 2024. By 2025 I took her in for a hysterectomy, it was unsuccessful because it infected lymph nodes. We went through 25 rounds of radiation and 5 rounds of chemo therapy. After that she was put on two years of immunotherapy. Come petscan time, they found out it traveled as high as her throat affecting the lymph nodes. She just finished yet another 25 rounds of radiation and is finishing her 6 rounds of chemo now. My question is has anyone endured this and beat it. I’m day in day out her main caregiver, I live with my own family but I take her to every appointment and I’m main contact for everything. I just want to know stories whether you endured this yourself or you were caregiving for someone in the same situation. Thank you :( happy Easter y’all.

He went to UW. Graduated with a degree in computer science. We're all so very proud of him. Yet for a time he wouldn't stop bringing up the past and how we "ruined his life and threw away his mental health". Yes he did have mental health challenges growing up due to his autism and ADHD and we tried to work with him to the best of our ability but he always told us off.

He's upset about how we put restrictions on his computer and phone usage and frequently took it away for misbehavior until he was 17 while "he watched all his friends get to learn how to code" and instead of "putting him in coding clubs" we "dragged him around" and "made him a slave" and "forced him into things he never wanted to do". Well we tried to tell him that he wasn't doing anything productive and going on disallowed sites which is why we punished him, and because we were in our 50s, he needed to help us out! And plus, we didn't want our son being on the computer all day, so we made him socialise to try to learn the ropes of it and went on hikes, trips, and other family outings so he can learn the value of being part of a family unit!

He also likes to say we "drugged him up" with Prozac then Cymbalta and Risperidal as a teen. He was and "wanting to end himself" about our restrictions not allowing him to learn how to code and "seeing his friend run laps around him, he's unable to keep up", so we took him to the children's hospital to see a professional and get him on medication and into mandatory therapy sessions to work out his issues to stop being so belligerent, and until he did, we had to limit his computer time due to how autistic minds are predisposed to being hyped up by the rapid refresh rates and bright light of video stimulation, doesn't matter if it hampered his coding knowledge.

I keep telling him not to compare himself to others but he always gets "triggered" and says "don't say that shit to my fucking face" and he can't get a job because "of all the ways we held him back and made him hold himself back because of the gaslighting and parentification of his siblings" and "ruined his career" even though it's a terrible job market for everyone right now.

I'm just at a loss. He justifies everything as "waking up from a nightmare of executive dysfunction after being drugged for 4 years and off of the drugs for another 4." I just can't get through to him. He always puts up a fight whenever we ask him to do chores or help out, which is the LEAST he can do since he lives here rent-free.

Not too long, I got diagnosed with leukemia and am undergoing rigorous treatment for it. Yesterday, my son texted me the following:

> Went through my Google Photos and Drive. Yeah I'm ready to get rid of years' worth of reminders of how I was dragged around everywhere and monitored like I was a fucking child -_- > I can't enjoy any of those old memories anymore; I'm horrified I ever thought it was normal and that I ever gave in, only reason I didn't run the fuck away at 18 was because I saw no other way out and wanted to go to college and stay in contact with my online friends you tried to pull me from > Just now more bitter than ever, don't contact me, I need to study and process this shit > Just what the actual fuck was I thinking and what the actual fuck were you doing > I hope you don't stay in remission. Full send, shut up, no more lunches with you. You made your hospice bed, now you get to die in it 😒

This had me crying for hours. My husband had to come to my side and comfort me throughout. Since then he's not replied to any of our calls or texts, and I don't know what to do.

My dear mom been struggling with MBC for over a decade, she spent all this time in hospitals, ER and in pain, I’m the eldest daughter and child so I always felt like it was my responsibility to be there for everyone. I was there for her mentally and physically and I wished I could carry her pain away and see her cancer free. Her condition made me depressed since we first knew she had cancer. Since then I never was fully happy again and my spark was gone. But I always acted strong for her and for everyone. I put my life on hold, my studies and my love life only for her to sta close to her. But then I finished my studies even though it was late but she encouraged me and then got a job abroad. She supported me to get the job. Now a few months later most of my salary goes to the monthly travels to go to see her, and she feels alive is when I visit her. Recently her health is getting worse. The cancer has spread to her spine and her shoulder has fractured because of it and she barely can walk for a long period of time. She lives with fentanyl patches for the pain. I visited her last week and she was so skinny and I didn’t recognise her, after radiotherapy she started having daily strong panic attacks, I saw terror in her eyes with every episode she was going crazy, she was giving up on life I tried my best to help, my father in law is doing his best too. But I had to leave to go back to work. I feel greatly depressed I haven’t stopped crying since I left.

hello everyone! 

my husband is turning 30 in April and we’ve had a heck of a year with his PMBCL stage II cancer diagnosis in June. he finished chemo in december and is in remission! we wanted to wait to celebrate his remission until his birthday with friends so that his immune system will have rebounded some and so that he’ll be feeling a little bit more like himself. i had already wanted to do a big birthday celebration for him before his diagnosis. now I want to do as much as I can to make this birthday party a bash with friends and family to celebrate life and leaving his 20s behind us! 

needing ideas to celebrate his birthday. we have a large indoor space that we are available to rent for the day for free. he loves basketball, coffee, dentistry, and most of all getting to spend time with friends! he was born in the 90s and enjoys some video games. I’m trying to make it a really fun celebration of life but don’t know what kind of a theme to go with. we are thinking of getting Mexican food catered from a local authentic place he loves. there’s also a coffee shop next door to the space we are having the party. i just really want to make it special and would love any ideas for how to do that! what have others done for your birthdays or celebrating a big achievement/milestone?

im also hoping to do a fun game where people submit photos of their teeth and my husband will guess which smile belongs to who. would a themed trivia game about him also be a fun way to engage everyone? the theme is eat, drink, and be thirty! we are having tacos and beer from a local brewery. he loves chocolate chip cookies and home made poptarts so we are doing that as his dessert for the party. I’ve asked people to submit photos for a running slideshow of him through the years. I’ve also asked people to prepare a little something to say about Thomas if they feel so inclined. what else would be fun and intentional?

A member of our community — a mom to a fifth grader and a first grader — recently underwent surgery to remove a brain tumor. The surgery went well, but we’ve since learned that it has also spread to her cervical spine. As you can imagine, the next months (and likely years) are going to be very difficult to navigate for her and her family. She will be undergoing chemo and radiation. This is all very new so we have limited details as to next steps.

She’s also a teacher at a local daycare where my kids attend, so she has a lot of love and support from that community as well. Many of her coworkers are part of her inner circle, and I’m wondering if there’s a good way to coordinate support where those closest to her can help with the more personal day-to-day needs, while the broader community (like parents, acquaintances, etc.) can contribute in structured ways that don’t feel intrusive.

She isn’t particularly well off financially, and there’s a GoFundMe set up with a $50,000 goal, which I know will help. But I’m wondering what else people have found meaningful beyond monetary support.

A lot of the advice I see is things like going over to do dishes, laundry, childcare, etc. — which I completely understand is incredibly helpful. The challenge is that I’m not in her inner circle, so I don’t feel comfortable just showing up at her house, but I still want to help in tangible ways.

I’m considering things like:

•	Setting up a meal train

•	Grocery delivery train

•	Care packages for her (suggestions?)

•	Things for the kids

•	Subscriptions (books, audiobooks, streaming, etc.)

For those of you who’ve been through this — either as a caregiver or patient — what actually helped the most from people who weren’t close friends or family?

What felt meaningful vs. overwhelming?

Anything you wish someone had organized early on? Or maybe a little later down the line? I know support is often overwhelming at first but dwindles with time, even though the needs remain.

I’d really appreciate any ideas. I just want to support them in a way that’s genuinely helpful during what will clearly be a long road.

Hey all,

Senior student here. If anyone is interested in helping fundraise for the Canadian Cancer Society, dm me and I'll share a link (relay for life). I personally gain nothing from raising funds.

Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks.