Support being far away
My dear mom been struggling with MBC for over a decade, she spent all this time in hospitals, ER and in pain, I’m the eldest daughter and child so I always felt like it was my responsibility to be there for everyone. I was there for her mentally and physically and I wished I could carry her pain away and see her cancer free. Her condition made me depressed since we first knew she had cancer. Since then I never was fully happy again and my spark was gone. But I always acted strong for her and for everyone. I put my life on hold, my studies and my love life only for her to sta close to her. But then I finished my studies even though it was late but she encouraged me and then got a job abroad. She supported me to get the job. Now a few months later most of my salary goes to the monthly travels to go to see her, and she feels alive is when I visit her. Recently her health is getting worse. The cancer has spread to her spine and her shoulder has fractured because of it and she barely can walk for a long period of time. She lives with fentanyl patches for the pain. I visited her last week and she was so skinny and I didn’t recognise her, after radiotherapy she started having daily strong panic attacks, I saw terror in her eyes with every episode she was going crazy, she was giving up on life I tried my best to help, my father in law is doing his best too. But I had to leave to go back to work. I feel greatly depressed I haven’t stopped crying since I left.