u/kochredahik

He went to UW. Graduated with a degree in computer science. We're all so very proud of him. Yet for a time he wouldn't stop bringing up the past and how we "ruined his life and threw away his mental health". Yes he did have mental health challenges growing up due to his autism and ADHD and we tried to work with him to the best of our ability but he always told us off.

He's upset about how we put restrictions on his computer and phone usage and frequently took it away for misbehavior until he was 17 while "he watched all his friends get to learn how to code" and instead of "putting him in coding clubs" we "dragged him around" and "made him a slave" and "forced him into things he never wanted to do". Well we tried to tell him that he wasn't doing anything productive and going on disallowed sites which is why we punished him, and because we were in our 50s, he needed to help us out! And plus, we didn't want our son being on the computer all day, so we made him socialise to try to learn the ropes of it and went on hikes, trips, and other family outings so he can learn the value of being part of a family unit!

He also likes to say we "drugged him up" with Prozac then Cymbalta and Risperidal as a teen. He was and "wanting to end himself" about our restrictions not allowing him to learn how to code and "seeing his friend run laps around him, he's unable to keep up", so we took him to the children's hospital to see a professional and get him on medication and into mandatory therapy sessions to work out his issues to stop being so belligerent, and until he did, we had to limit his computer time due to how autistic minds are predisposed to being hyped up by the rapid refresh rates and bright light of video stimulation, doesn't matter if it hampered his coding knowledge.

I keep telling him not to compare himself to others but he always gets "triggered" and says "don't say that shit to my fucking face" and he can't get a job because "of all the ways we held him back and made him hold himself back because of the gaslighting and parentification of his siblings" and "ruined his career" even though it's a terrible job market for everyone right now.

I'm just at a loss. He justifies everything as "waking up from a nightmare of executive dysfunction after being drugged for 4 years and off of the drugs for another 4." I just can't get through to him. He always puts up a fight whenever we ask him to do chores or help out, which is the LEAST he can do since he lives here rent-free.

Not too long, I got diagnosed with leukemia and am undergoing rigorous treatment for it. Yesterday, my son texted me the following:

> Went through my Google Photos and Drive. Yeah I'm ready to get rid of years' worth of reminders of how I was dragged around everywhere and monitored like I was a fucking child -_- > I can't enjoy any of those old memories anymore; I'm horrified I ever thought it was normal and that I ever gave in, only reason I didn't run the fuck away at 18 was because I saw no other way out and wanted to go to college and stay in contact with my online friends you tried to pull me from > Just now more bitter than ever, don't contact me, I need to study and process this shit > Just what the actual fuck was I thinking and what the actual fuck were you doing > I hope you don't stay in remission. Full send, shut up, no more lunches with you. You made your hospice bed, now you get to die in it 😒

This had me crying for hours. My husband had to come to my side and comfort me throughout. Since then he's not replied to any of our calls or texts, and I don't know what to do.

He went to UW. Graduated with a degree in computer science. We're all so very proud of him. Yet for a time he wouldn't stop bringing up the past and how we "ruined his life and threw away his mental health". Yes he did have mental health challenges growing up due to his autism and ADHD and we tried to work with him to the best of our ability but he always told us off.

He's upset about how we put restrictions on his computer and phone usage and frequently took it away for misbehavior until he was 17 while "he watched all his friends get to learn how to code" and instead of "putting him in coding clubs" we "dragged him around" and "made him a slave" and "forced him into things he never wanted to do". Well we tried to tell him that he wasn't doing anything productive and going on disallowed sites which is why we punished him, and because we were in our 50s, he needed to help us out! And plus, we didn't want our son being on the computer all day, so we made him socialise to try to learn the ropes of it and went on hikes, trips, and other family outings so he can learn the value of being part of a family unit!

He also likes to say we "drugged him up" with Prozac then Cymbalta and Risperidal as a teen. He was and "wanting to end himself" about our restrictions not allowing him to learn how to code and "seeing his friend run laps around him, he's unable to keep up", so we took him to the children's hospital to see a professional and get him on medication and into mandatory therapy sessions to work out his issues to stop being so belligerent, and until he did, we had to limit his computer time due to how autistic minds are predisposed to being hyped up by the rapid refresh rates and bright light of video stimulation.

I keep telling him not to compare himself to others but he always gets "triggered" and says "don't say that shit to my fucking face" and he can't get a job because "of all the ways we held him back and made him hold himself back because of the gaslighting and parentification of his siblings" and "ruined his career" even though it's a terrible market right now.

I'm just at a loss. He justifies everything as "waking up from a nightmare of executive dysfunction after being drugged for 4 years and off of the drugs for another 4." I just can't get through to him. He always puts up a fight whenever we ask him to do chores or help out, which is the LEAST he can do since he lives here rent-free.

Not too long, I got diagnosed with leukemia and am undergoing rigorous treatment for it. Yesterday, my son texted me the following:

> Went through my Google Photos and Drive. Yeah I'm ready to get rid of years' worth of reminders of how I was dragged around everywhere and monitored like I was a fucking child -_- > I can't enjoy any of those old memories anymore; I'm horrified I ever thought it was normal and that I ever gave in, only reason I didn't run the fuck away at 18 was because I saw no other way out and wanted to go to college and stay in contact with my online friends you tried to pull me from > Just now more bitter than ever, don't contact me, I need to study and process this shit > Just what the actual fuck was I thinking and what the actual fuck were you doing > I hope you don't stay in remission. Full send, shut up, no more lunches with you. You made your hospice bed, now you get to die in it 😒

This had me crying for hours. My husband had to come to my side and comfort me throughout. Since then he's not replied to any of our calls or texts, and I don't know what to do.

He went to UW. Graduated with a degree in computer science. We're all so very proud of him. Yet he just won't stop bringing up the past and how we "ruined his life and threw away his mental health". Yes he did have mental health challenges growing up due to his autism and ADHD and we tried to work with him to the best of our ability but he always told us off.

He's upset about how we put restrictions on his computer and phone usage and frequently took it away for misbehavior until he was 17 while "he watched all his friends get to learn how to code" and instead of "putting him in coding clubs" we "dragged him around" and "made him a slave" and "forced him into things he never wanted to do". Well we tried to tell him that he wasn't doing anything productive and going on disallowed sites which is why we punished him, and because we were in our 50s, he needed to help us out! And plus, we didn't want our son being on the computer all day, so we made him socialise to try to learn the ropes of it and went on hikes, trips, and other family outings so he can learn the value of being part of a family unit!

He also likes to say we "drugged him up" with Prozac then Cymbalta and Risperidal as a teen. He was and "wanting to end himself" about our restrictions not allowing him to learn how to code and "seeing his friend run laps around him, he's unable to keep up", so we took him to the children's hospital to see a professional and get him on medication and into mandatory therapy sessions to work out his issues to stop being so belligerent, and until he did, we had to limit his computer time due to how autistic minds are predisposed to being hyped up by the rapid refresh rates and bright light of video stimulation.

I keep telling him not to compare himself to others but he always gets "triggered" and says "don't say that shit to my fucking face" and he can't get a job because "of all the ways we held him back and made him hold himself back because of the gaslighting and parentification of his siblings" even though it's a terrible market right now. I'm just at a loss. He justifies everything as "waking up from a nightmare of executive dysfunction after being drugged for 4 years and off of the drugs for another 4." I just can't get through to him. He always puts up a fight whenever we ask him to do chores or help out, which is the LEAST he can do since he lives here rent-free.

Right now, he refuses to talk to me because "he's decluttering" and "feels like an unproductive hoarder, so much time wasted ruminating and dissociating due to his OCD that we gave him instead of finding fun in coding and getting an internship and dwelling in burnout because we traumatized him" and whatnot. I don't know what I can do or say to him to make him feel better and stop putting us through this shit.

He went to UW. Graduated with a degree in computer science. We're all so very proud of him. Yet he just won't stop bringing up the past and how we "ruined his life and threw away his mental health". Yes he did have mental health challenges growing up due to his autism and ADHD and we tried to work with him to the best of our ability but he always told us off.

He's upset about how we put restrictions on his computer and phone usage and frequently took it away for misbehavior until he was 17 while "he watched all his friends get to learn how to code" and instead of "putting him in coding clubs" we "dragged him around" and "made him a slave" and "forced him into things he never wanted to do". Well we tried to tell him that he wasn't doing anything productive and going on disallowed sites which is why we punished him, and because we were in our 50s, he needed to help us out! And plus, we didn't want our son being on the computer all day, so we made him socialise to try to learn the ropes of it and went on hikes, trips, and other family outings so he can learn the value of being part of a family unit!

He also likes to say we "drugged him up" with Prozac then Cymbalta and Risperidal as a teen. He was and "wanting to end himself" about our restrictions not allowing him to learn how to code and "seeing his friend run laps around him, he's unable to keep up", so we took him to the children's hospital to see a professional and get him on medication and into mandatory therapy sessions to work out his issues to stop being so belligerent, and until he did, we had to limit his computer time due to how autistic minds are predisposed to being hyped up by the rapid refresh rates and bright light of video stimulation.

I keep telling him not to compare himself to others but he always gets "triggered" and says "don't say that shit to my fucking face" and he can't get a job because "of all the ways we held him back and made him hold himself back because of the gaslighting and parentification of his siblings" even though it's a terrible market right now.

I'm just at a loss. He justifies everything as "waking up from a nightmare of executive dysfunction after being drugged for 4 years and off of the drugs for another 4." I just can't get through to him. He always puts up a fight whenever we ask him to do chores or help out, which is the LEAST he can do since he lives here rent-free.

Right now, he refuses to talk to me because "he's decluttering" and "feels like an unproductive hoarder, so much time wasted ruminating and dissociating due to his OCD that we gave him instead of finding fun in coding and getting an internship and dwelling in burnout because we traumatized him" and whatnot. I don't know what I can do or say to him to make him feel better and stop putting us through this shit.