r/AskParents

We have a vacation home at the beach about 2.5 hours away from our primary home. We have a 16 year old daughter and every year we let her invite 4 friends down for Memorial Day. We would drive the girls down, feed them, take them to the beach and water parks. It’s been a very fun tradition over the years. When they were little, it was easy, we knew my daughters friends and their families well, I’d connect with the moms in advance and make plans for the weekend, sending them a detailed itinerary so they felt safe. I’d also send text updates and pictures throughout the trip.

This year feels different. The girls are driving, my daughter is the youngest at 16, most of her friends are 17-18. I know the girls well. They are nice kids and have been to our home multiple times, but I don’t really know the parents of a few of the girls at all. In my daughter’s mind, this is her trip and I longer my family trip.

I was initially going to send my standard detailed text to the moms, but will that be overkill? I want to reach out to the in some way, even though the girls are older I do want the parents to know they are safe.

I’m also not really orchestrating anything. My husband and I will be at the house and spend time with the girls at our pool. I’m buying food for the girls so they have plenty to eat at the house and make packed lunches at the beach, but I expect they will plan their own activities and likely want to eat out a lot. They also want to do a few road trips so my daughter is going to ask everyone to split gas/tolls/parking money with her. We had never “charged” any guests for staying with us and do not intend to, but my daughter is responsible for her own gas money and is worried because it will be expensive.

I’m also wondering if I should approach drinking/smoking with these parents. I have a hard and fast rule of absolutely no teenage drinking, drugs, vaping or smoking at my house. And I’ll have a curfew for the girls too. I’m wondering if I should directly let these parents know my rules. We had girls in the past sneak in alcohol and also vape in my bathroom. Those kids are no longer invited. Period. My daughter is upset because it’s causing drama with her friend group because these girls feel left out, but I do not plan to be flexible on that and I’m willing to be the bad guy.

Would love any and all advice. It was so easy when the kids were younger and I knew the parents and had more control over what the kids were doing.

My sister in law is giving birth tomorrow, and I want to support both her and my sister in that first month. They've had a rough ride with IVF. What did you appreciate most as new parents, both as the birthing parent and the non birthing parent? Besides sleep of course!!!

We’ll be there with time, cooking, cleaning, and general hands on help as they need it, but I’m wondering what else new parents genuinely appreciate most as gifts in those early weeks.

For anyone who’s been through it:

- What were the things that made you feel seen, supported, or centred as a new mum?

- Are there practical items you didn’t realise you’d need until the baby arrived?

- Is there anything that really helped the birthing parent feel cared for (physically or emotionally) while everything was revolving around the baby?

Trying to avoid clutter and focus on things that actually make life easier or make them both feel held in the chaos, as most attention from others will go to the baby. Would love your thoughts!

A have a few mom friends who always say how tired they are and ya having a baby does seem exhausting. However, they go on about how they can’t even have a skincare routine or don’t even shower for a few days because of their babies.

Example: I went to ulta with a friend to get sunscreen and she verbatim says “I have no skincare routine, I’m a mom”. Another time she also FaceTimed me and said “I haven’t showered in a week”. She has a husband btw she is not a single mother and the husband is home every night.

I also see moms on Reddit leave comments like “oh you guys are bathing? Those were the days!”

I really don’t understand, can babies not be alone for 10 minutes if they are in a safe place? I know they cry but isn’t it fine to ignore that to do simple things like take a quick body shower or wash your face and then go back to them? (Again as long as they are in a safe place for this time).

I just really want clarity, I truly always thought babies are going to have to cry sometimes (the amount of parents I know that full on block out their kids crying I assume it’s something they are used to) . Is it detrimental to their growth if they are not attached to their moms for 10/15 minutes?

Parents:

>What is the best age bracket of raising a child? Joy+Fun+Memories+[Your Reasons]

• 0-3
• 3-8
• 8-13
• 15-18

Yes, (as a non-parent) I randomly made up these age brackets. Feel free to adust/modify.

• Moms: Tell me which years you enjoyed the most as a mom. Why?
• Dads: Tell me which years you enjoyed the most as a dad. Why?

I am not a parent (yet) but I am super curious (as my mind wonders when it is not wise be a workaholic).

Hey, I'm sixteen years old and dealing with mental issues and it sometimes feels like my mom is ignoring them sometimes, but I know she is trying her best and is a single mom. I would sometimes raise my voice and my mom would always yell at me about it and I always get mad at my mom. I'm transgender and my mom was confused about it when I told her but she chose to ignore it and would get mad at me whenever I mention it or try too get her to understand. And I would just get mad at her, and I always feel bad and feel like I'm a bad daughter for being mad at her. I have a problem with over apologizing and my mom would get mad at me when I over apologize and would threaten to hit me but she had never hit me and I feel like I just stress her out.

Hi Parents. Wanted to get some opinions as I am getting mixed reviews on how to best approach and comfort my nephew.

He is 2 and definitely in his "terrible 2s" phase... He became extremely shy post 2 related to meeting new people. He's fine by the people he always sees (his parents, grandparents, and me). He is perfectly fine with us, his comfort zone.

Any NEW people he sees or if we go to an event he glues to one of us and it takes quite a while to get him comfortable

Funnily enough, when he was around 12-16 months he would facetime with my GF and had no issues interacting with her. This was also the case in person with strangers (different family/friends) too, he would go to them if they tried to carry him with really no problem. After he turned 2 however the moment he hears a phone ring or sees Facetime start he gets scared and hides his face to avoid being seen! Even funnier is that pictures, he identifies her easily without problem. The moment it moves or is live, he freaks lol

We are sure it'll take a few meeting with him to get fully comfortable and "welcoming" with her but I was curious how you've all handled this. For example would you show more photos, try more FTs before the "big meet" or keep it simple? His parents are cool either way and ok with whatever, my gf and I were just curious if theres anything else that can be done.

My fear is if we try more Facetiming and he gets scared, when he sees her in person he'll have a freak out

My wife and I live in Raleigh (RDU area)

She is from up north in New Jersey (Clifton) and is used to having access to NYC and all that comes with a more suburban life.

I am from South FL, I ran away from there due to the politics that no longer worked for me.

The research triangle was a safe move for me. It felt like a transient decision at the time though.

My wife's parents made the move due to the rising cost of living. It was extremely hard for them. They are Puerto Rican and left a huge family when they moved.

My immediate family lives in Hagerstown Maryland which feels like the middle of no where for us.

We are in our early 30s and feel trapped honestly.

We can't afford NJ or Manchester NY area. Which is the only decent move for us that would keep us close to family.

Every other decision takes are far from family..

Which is why we feel trapped. Because we want to start a family in a couple years, but particularly my wife can't envision having kids in the south.

I feel similarly. It's a nice place, but not really what we want. I know she misses more diversity, and having a big urban city to explore.

We both like the idea of being less car dependent as well.

We just visited Chicago and kind of fell in love.

But I went to a subreddit for people who are looking for move and got bombarded with people saying we would regret moving away from my in-laws. That it would be an awful decision.

Well, for context. I have been here for 5 years and have had a hard time connecting with people. I have friends but I don't feel like I'm leaving an entire community behind. It's more about my in laws.

Which we feel stuck here due to that. And it's because we care about them and also because we know childcare is insane.

But again, this leads us to feel trapped.

And I don't particularly enjoy the idea of going through all the logistics to move for a couple years to just come back.

So I'm sharing because I wonder if anyone has advice on this. I wonder if anyone else made the move away from family and if they regretting things or not.

We would definitely wait to start a family and Chicago is not our only option. Like maybe 2 years after moving.

But man the idea of no family around for that is a hard choice! I don't know what is right for us. I fear staying put would slowly suck our souls though.

But we have never been parents, and I fear we will regret having no family nearby when we start our family. At the same time we feel trapped in a State we can't envision ourselves truly settling down in.

I’m 17M and my younger brother who is 14 keeps making messes with food, not picking up after himself, and just being a bum in general. He has one F right now and the rest of his grades aren’t very good either.

My parents have been very lax on punishment with him and the most he has gotten was his keyboard taken away as he plays a lot of video games on his pc. This doesn’t really matter as he finds another keyboard and continues to play, and our parents don’t really do anything about it. He’s not a dick or anything, but it’s a huge pain in the ass cleaning up after him. He starts high school in the fall and he needs to mature a bit. I’ve complained to my parents and they never do anything about it.

Any advice?

This might sound dumb, but I don't know if my kid is actually reading or just saying they are. Every time I ask my daughter, she says "yeah I read." And I want to trust her, but I have no idea how long she read, what she read and if she actually focused.

Sometimes I check her book and it's on the exact same page as a few days ago.

I don't want to be that parent constantly checking and hovering over everything, but at the same time I feel completely in the dark.

Right now it's just based on trust, and clearly that's not really working.

Hi everyone. This is incredibly difficult for me to write, but I’ve reached a breaking point. To give you some context: I am a 31-year-old woman, married with a toddler. I live about an hour away from my parents (60 and 53) and my only brother (11). Because of the large age gap, we were both essentially raised as only children.

My concern lies with my parents’ current parenting style. Whether it’s due to their age or exhaustion, they are being extremely permissive, allowing my brother to develop alarming habits. He spends over 8 hours a day on his phone—he’s glued to it while walking, getting a glass of water, or even putting on his shoes. His diet consists mostly of junk food, but the most pressing issue is his complete lack of a sleep routine.

Every night, he falls asleep on the sofa while my parents watch TV. When they head to bed, they wake him up, and he groggily moves to an auxiliary bed in their bedroom. This started years ago for practical reasons—sleeping downstairs to stay cool in the summer or save on heating in the winter—but it has now become a chronic habit. While it might have made sense when he was five, he is now 11 years old, and the consequences are showing.

When he stays at my house, he is unable to sleep because I (rightfully) don’t allow him to sleep in the bedroom with my husband and me. He suffers from night terrors, waking up several times in a panic, crying. He even experiences anticipatory anxiety, becoming visibly distressed hours before bedtime.

I have tried everything: talking to my parents, talking to him, and even offering financial support to alleviate the 'heating' excuse. They simply won’t listen. My brother’s world is becoming very small, and it breaks my heart.

I’m looking for advice:

• What can I do from my position as a sister?

• Can someone explain the psychological impact of this 'infantilization' and what the long-term effects might be?

• Am I being overdramatic?

• How can I get my parents to see the harm they are causing?

Thank you so much for your help.

Please note that I used AI to translate this message because English is not my native language and I am very worried, so I wanted to make sure I was understood correctly.

Summary: I am seeking guidance on how to manage the concerning lack of boundaries and excessive physical dependency my parents are fostering in my 11-year-old brother, which is causing him severe anxiety and hindering his developmental growth.

im f16 and 17 in 2 months and I haven’t been allowed to go out with my friends since I was 13 after being caught with a bf who i broke up with years ago.

For context I have good grades and I never get into any trouble unless its an argument about wanting to go out

a couple of weeks ago me and my friends made plans and i let my mom know a week ahead and she agreed to let me go and the day comes and im all ready and my dad says I can’t just decide to go out whenever I want and i’m just a child, i tell him my mom already said i could and begged to let me go this once (my friend lives down the road from us and we will be at a nearby park 5 mins walk) and he explode on me and read all my texts with her even the ones me tell her my private feelings with situations and begged him not to read that and allow me my privacy and he said I don’t deserve privacy as a child and went through my phone

We had a massive argument and my mom didn’t even tell him she already allowed me she just blamed me for arguing back at him and this is the first time ive actually asked to go out in years due to the fear of rejection and it turned out the worst way possible and he treated me like I had done this awful thing by just wanting to experience life and he said I don’t need to go out when I see them at school

Im gonna be an adult next year and they still wont let me do anything, Im not stupid enough to make dangerous situations so they are just worried for no reason I really just wanna go to a mall or something with my friends and have fun but everytime I ask it gets a worse response

Some parents and teachers who don’t always agree are coming together to rethink screen time in schools.

In Iowa, there’s a bill co-sponsored by a Moms for Liberty chapter leader and supported by the state teachers union. It aims at limiting how much time elementary students spend on computers and gives parents more say in how devices are used.

Is it time to rethink screen time in schools? I’d love to hear what teachers and parents think.

Hi everyone,
I’m Josh, a university student currently working on my dissertation.

I’m looking for participants who have caregiving experience with autistic adults (e.g. parents, guardians, coaches, or support workers) to take part in an interview.

My research focuses on how autistic adults experience team sports, specifically looking at how participation may impact:

• Social interaction
• Motor skills
• Communication

The interview will last around 30–50 minutes, and breaks can be taken at any time.

If you have relevant experience and would be willing to share your perspective, I’d really appreciate your help. Your input will contribute to a better understanding of how team sports can support (or challenge) autistic adults.

Feel free to comment below or send me a message if you’re interested or have any questions.

Thanks 👍

I may or may not delete this, but I'm 21F and my bf is 25M and we've been together for 5 months. We're both Dominican, and there's obviously a different standard being held for me vs. him .I feel like my parents are treating me like a child.

I didn't tell them when we first got together because I knew my mom would project everything my dad put her through (cheating, lying, etc.) onto our relationship which she literally started doing the second I mentioned we were talking, saying things like "he's probably talking to other girls." And is still doing till this day; saying he’s probably leaving his phone at home and going out, which had kind of made me paranoid and has started arguments between me and my bf.So instead of telling her I was going out with him, and because she was giving me a curfew of 8 or 9pm whenever we had dates, I just told her I was hanging out with a friend.

I kept that up for a few months. Eventually, since he pays rent and we were going out constantly, his parents suggested we just hang out at his place to save money. My mom caught on pretty quickly that I was lying about who I was going out with(I never turned my location off), confronted me, and I lied again. We had a long conversation and eventually they met him. They actually like him ,but they have a huge problem with me going to his house, specifically his room, saying it's disrespectful that his family "allows" it.

My dad got really nasty about it. He called them "low lives" with no respect for letting me in his room, called me a slut for going over there, and even said he was going to ask his parents( when they meet because I haven’t introduced them and this is part of the reason why) if I had actually been in his room. That was about 2 months ago.

I've been going over less since then, but his family genuinely likes me and I feel so much more comfortable there. There's a real family dynamic ,they actually talk to each other. His younger brother even has a girlfriend who stays over until like 1am sometimes, while my parents still have me on an 11:30pm curfew at 21 years old.

My bf is understanding about it, but it's frustrating because I literally do nothing except school, work, church, and spend time with him or friends. I'm not out here doing anything crazy.

I don't know if I should try having another conversation with them. The "solution" they'd probably suggest is just having him come to my house, but sometimes there's zero privacy there. Like the other day me and him were watching a baseball game and my mom sat in the living room the entire time with no self-awareness just on her phone not even watching the game with us , and we're not allowed in my room anyway. It just feels awkward and uncomfortable when he's over.

The part that really gets me is that my dad used to let my older brother bring women home all the time — just random girls he was sleeping with — no problem. But I'm in a 5-month relationship with my boyfriend and I'm a slut? I'm his girlfriend, not some random girl.

I just don't know what to do

I just had the most dreaded conversation with my 7 year old daughter. She came to me and said "mom I wanna lose weight". She's perfectly healthy and a normal weigh for her height and age. As someone who struggled with weight and body image issues my entire life, this broke my heart. I've always made sure to build her confidence, and that she has a healthy relationship with food. Never commented on her body or her eating habits. I encourage her to eat healthy but never denied her treats in moderation. I have no idea where this came from. How do I approach this other than the usual "you're perfect the way you are". I really don't want her to go through what I went through at this very you young age.

specifically looking for advice from BIPOC (people of color!) parents here just so the advice is more relevant to my dad because he's asian. (you can still answer if youre not bipoc though)

for backround info incase its useful, I'm 17 and my dad's health habits are terrible. im not exactly seeking medical advice but more like "how i can encourage him to change his behavior?"

Problems he has: he's a drinker, not heavy, but almost daily beer. He constantly has his headphones in, to the point where he's gone deaf in one ear. I MEAN like constantly, even when he's sleeping, he's always watching youtube. and doesnt seem to ever take them off unless we're in public (still has them sometimes)

i quite frankly dont understand how he's glued to his phone more than I am

options that wont work : therapy, the doctor, locking his screen time, telling him to stop, making friends (he refuses)

help 😭

Everytime he wakes up, he screaming. not out of pain, its just screaming. I heard that giving them a little juice when they wake up helps but he sips it, throws it, then goes back to screaming. he doesnt want to be held, or even touched. if you even look at him he will lose his mind. if he hands me something and I do so much as grab it wrong, he will throw himself on the floor and scream till his face is red. I offer a snack, toys, I try to distract him but he is dead set on just screaming. it happens every few months and I dont know what to do at this point. ive taken showers with him, just sat in the bathroom and let the water run, take him outside, all kinds of stuff. if I pay any attention to him, he will lose it. the only thing that has worked is putting him in his bed and walking away. but even then, its a 50/50 chance that will work. I feel bad for leaving him alone. I dont want to teach him that he needs to isolate himself, I dont want him to think im not there for him by leaving him in his room when he gets like this, but its the only thing that has worked so far. I want to teach him a healthy relationship with his emotions but if leaving him alone in his room is the only thing that kind of works, what do I do?

hi I'm just wondering if its normal for a 4 year old to be up damn near all night. my little sister is 4 but she's almost always awake until 2 or 3 am and I'm just wondering that's normal/common because it usually messes with my sleep because she never stops bothering me

thanks in advance 👍🏿

Hi! I (F16), was adopted three years ago or so by my dad, and I have some concerns regarding clingy behavior. I often sleep in his bed, express physical and verbal affection, and find myself getting sad when he leaves for work and stuffs. I feel as if my actions are things someone my age should've already grown out of, and I'm afraid that sometimes I'm bothersome, even when he assures to me that he doesn't mind. In the household I was previously raised in, affection was near nonexistent, looking back it's always felt like we were just coworkers existing in the same home. This clingy feeling is actually quite new, for a really long time I was hesitant to reciprocate even the littlest amount of affection my dad gave me, but recently it's like everything completely switched. I want to bring it up but I'm not sure where to start, or even if this is a problem to begin with? I always hear about parents wishing their kids were closer to them, not really the opposite, so I'm a bit lost