Is my brother's co-sleeping and lack of routine at age 11 a serious issue?
Hi everyone. This is incredibly difficult for me to write, but I’ve reached a breaking point. To give you some context: I am a 31-year-old woman, married with a toddler. I live about an hour away from my parents (60 and 53) and my only brother (11). Because of the large age gap, we were both essentially raised as only children.
My concern lies with my parents’ current parenting style. Whether it’s due to their age or exhaustion, they are being extremely permissive, allowing my brother to develop alarming habits. He spends over 8 hours a day on his phone—he’s glued to it while walking, getting a glass of water, or even putting on his shoes. His diet consists mostly of junk food, but the most pressing issue is his complete lack of a sleep routine.
Every night, he falls asleep on the sofa while my parents watch TV. When they head to bed, they wake him up, and he groggily moves to an auxiliary bed in their bedroom. This started years ago for practical reasons—sleeping downstairs to stay cool in the summer or save on heating in the winter—but it has now become a chronic habit. While it might have made sense when he was five, he is now 11 years old, and the consequences are showing.
When he stays at my house, he is unable to sleep because I (rightfully) don’t allow him to sleep in the bedroom with my husband and me. He suffers from night terrors, waking up several times in a panic, crying. He even experiences anticipatory anxiety, becoming visibly distressed hours before bedtime.
I have tried everything: talking to my parents, talking to him, and even offering financial support to alleviate the 'heating' excuse. They simply won’t listen. My brother’s world is becoming very small, and it breaks my heart.
I’m looking for advice:
• What can I do from my position as a sister?
• Can someone explain the psychological impact of this 'infantilization' and what the long-term effects might be?
• Am I being overdramatic?
• How can I get my parents to see the harm they are causing?
Thank you so much for your help.
Please note that I used AI to translate this message because English is not my native language and I am very worried, so I wanted to make sure I was understood correctly.
Summary: I am seeking guidance on how to manage the concerning lack of boundaries and excessive physical dependency my parents are fostering in my 11-year-old brother, which is causing him severe anxiety and hindering his developmental growth.