r/Afghan

On bed at 1AM watching something in English, then stopped that and started listening to a Hindi song, and I swear my brain just can’t take it anymore.

I was born in Pakistan, then went back to Afghanistan and lived there for 7 years. Then moved to India to study, did my bachelors and masters there, then moved to Germany for work, then moved to the USA for a girl.

I’ve lived in all these places, learned their languages, tried to be one of them. I never wanted to be the black sheep. But now I feel like I’ve lost my identity. My food choices, music choices, clothes, hair, values, basically everything has turned into some freaking salad with no taste and no actual personality. Like I can literally eat anything now because my mouth has lost its taste buds and just gave up.

I don’t use social media much, but even the content I watch is so mixed. Rarely Afghan stuff. It’s all soccer, basketball, cricket, random politics from those countries, their humor, their culture. I’m not funny to any of them, but all of them are funny to me.

Sometimes I remember my mom saying “sang da jay khod sangeen” a stone is heavy in its own place. And damn, I feel that. I wish I belonged somewhere. I wish all the friends I made throughout my life could at least be in the same country so we could actually see each other. Everyone is scattered everywhere and I can barely keep in touch with anyone properly.

I got married into another culture too and that didn’t work out, now I’m going through divorce.

Sometimes I feel like writing a book about my life, but then I’m like wtf man, just have some peace in your head first before you start venting to the whole world about your personal issues.

Anyways, please tell me someone relates. Come on. Don’t tell me I’m unique lol. How does this affect your life? Is your Spotify or music app also shuffled with half a dozen languages and completely random vibes?

Please only share one specific thing you’d love to see gone, instead of something vague like “backwards views” etc

One thing I’d love to see gone immediately is the shame we attach to divorce, especially for womenfolk

Because of this shame, entire households go through a generation of hell, especially the women. A woman can be in absolute misery, cheated on, disrespected, neglected, or emotionally destroyed, but she will still be told to “be patient”, typically by her own family, because the reality is if she gets divorced her future becomes bleak, alongside dragging down her whole family socially, The chances of another family happily giving their son to a divorced woman are close to zero, other than some desperate arrangement with an elderly man kinda scenarios

Even for men, although it is nowhere near as punishing as it is for women, a girl’s family will become extremely sceptical if they hear he has been divorced before, and understandably so, they would not want to take that risk with their daughter

The sad part is, (at least in my rural extended family) the second biggest reason for polygyny, multiple wives, after transactional marriages, i.e tribal association, family politics, etc, is because of this shame around divorce

Two people completely hate each other, or the man betrays his wife, or the marriage is completely dead, but instead of separating, they stay married for the “lesser evil” of avoiding shame, and then the man just gets a second wife while the first wife remains trapped in a marriage that emotionally ended years ago

Islamically, there is absolutely no direct or even inferential basis for treating divorce like some life ending disgrace according to the 4 main schools of thought, or even later jurists, Instead, it is treated as a serious but necessary exit when a marriage no longer works and is going to lead to you falling into sins, you either keep someone honourably, and if you cannot, then release them with kindness

There is the famous story of the wife of the companion Thabit ibn Qays RA, who came to the Prophet PBUH and said she had no issue with her husband’s religion or character, she simply could not continue with him, (the authentic commentary of it being that, according to her, continuing the marriage would lead to her falling into sin through hatred, resentment, neglect, or failure to fulfil each other’s rights)

The Prophet PBUH did not shame her or say “what will people say”, instead he told Thabit to accept his garden, the mehr, back and divorce her once (khul) which in the hanafi madhab predominantly followed in Afghanistan is an an irrevocable separation (Sahih al-Bukhari 5273)

This is a question for non-Pashtuns: Would you support separation from Afghanistan if the multi-ethnic provinces bordering the Pashtun region remained part of Afghanistan? This includes Kabul, Herat, and other bordering provinces. This question is primarily directed at non-Pashtuns.

View Poll

Salam all, how can I bring my inheritance money from Afghanistan to Canada?

Thanks,

Lately I’ve noticed many reports being based on anonymous or weak sources, and sometimes stories later turn out to be exaggerated or inaccurate. At the same time, many people still consider it one of the few major Afghan outlets outside Taliban control. Just like the news about internet cut off which has been denied by many ISP's i have contacted.

For those who follow Afghan news regularly:

• Do you trust Afghanistan International?
• Has your opinion changed over time?
• Which Afghan news sources do you find more reliable and balanced?

Interested to hear different perspectives from people inside and outside Afghanistan.

I’ve lived in UK all my life and I’ve always been fascinated by Afghan culture and the different tribes there are. In last few years I’ve noticed a lot of afghans who have recently came to UK but I can’t help but notice that they’re predominantly from one group, they’re almost all Pashtuns which I can tell because they speak Pashto on the streets. Why are there barely any tajik, hazara, Uzbek migrants to UK?

And on the rare occasion I do see Tajiks or Hazaras, I don’t really see them with Pashtuns. Is there still animosity between these groups in Afghanistan? It makes me wonder, how common is ethnonationalism within each group? I understand if intermarriages between groups are taboo but not even be friends with each other and live in the same country I find odd.

Are there any Sunni hazaras here? Practicing Muslims please.

Whether born or converted but preferably aimed at those who converted. I want to have a serious discussion about religion for some insight and life advice. I am Hazara as well if that wasn't obvious.

Edit: Please only reply if what I wrote above really resonates with you. I made this post not for fun, but because I need someone serious to talk to.

I was kind of curious who normally pays for the weddings? I know for desi weddings usually the girls parent cover it. It seems like for afghans the guy or his parents pay for most of it. And for engagement maybe the girls family? Or is there no strong tradition for it.

For those of you married in USA , how did yall split it up. Currently in the process of nikkah/ wedding planning and cost of it is now close to 120-130k. Im covering almost all of it but just kinda curious if im supposed to be getting some help.

EDIT:Also if you know an Afghan wedding planner, please DM me. Someone who’s familiar with the customs/traditions. Need some help with planning and coordinating.

Hello, I'm a U.S. American teacher with no ties to Afghanistan, but I teach in a high refugee area, and a lot of my students are from Afghanistan. One of my students has been absent all week, and our Pashto translator reached out to me to let me know that the student's family had decided to travel back to Afghanistan to visit family. My face probably looked a bit stunned, and the translator agreed with me, saying they urged the family not to go back and that, especially with this administration, they probably won't get back into the U.S. Of course, they went anyway.

My question is... is this a somewhat common thing? Even before this administration, I wouldn't imagine Afghans who received refugee status in the U.S. would travel back, for any reason. I worry for my student, and especially his younger sister, now being back in Afghanistan. I've had other refugee students that traveled back to their home countries that raised my eyebrows (Kurdistan, Sudan, Rwanda, etc.), and this may be ignorant, but given everything I understand, traveling back to Afghanistan (with young children) during current circumstances just seems unbelievably dangerous. Am I wrong in thinking this?

Hey everyone! I’m u/Longjumping_Area_209, a founding moderator of r/TeenAfghan.

This is our new home for Afghan teenagers from all around the world — a place to talk about life, school, culture, family, struggles, wins, or just whatever’s on your mind. Whether you’re in Afghanistan or part of the diaspora, you’re welcome here.

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