If you could remove one harmful social attitude from Afghans, what would it be?
Please only share one specific thing you’d love to see gone, instead of something vague like “backwards views” etc
One thing I’d love to see gone immediately is the shame we attach to divorce, especially for womenfolk
Because of this shame, entire households go through a generation of hell, especially the women. A woman can be in absolute misery, cheated on, disrespected, neglected, or emotionally destroyed, but she will still be told to “be patient”, typically by her own family, because the reality is if she gets divorced her future becomes bleak, alongside dragging down her whole family socially, The chances of another family happily giving their son to a divorced woman are close to zero, other than some desperate arrangement with an elderly man kinda scenarios
Even for men, although it is nowhere near as punishing as it is for women, a girl’s family will become extremely sceptical if they hear he has been divorced before, and understandably so, they would not want to take that risk with their daughter
The sad part is, (at least in my rural extended family) the second biggest reason for polygyny, multiple wives, after transactional marriages, i.e tribal association, family politics, etc, is because of this shame around divorce
Two people completely hate each other, or the man betrays his wife, or the marriage is completely dead, but instead of separating, they stay married for the “lesser evil” of avoiding shame, and then the man just gets a second wife while the first wife remains trapped in a marriage that emotionally ended years ago
Islamically, there is absolutely no direct or even inferential basis for treating divorce like some life ending disgrace according to the 4 main schools of thought, or even later jurists, Instead, it is treated as a serious but necessary exit when a marriage no longer works and is going to lead to you falling into sins, you either keep someone honourably, and if you cannot, then release them with kindness
There is the famous story of the wife of the companion Thabit ibn Qays RA, who came to the Prophet PBUH and said she had no issue with her husband’s religion or character, she simply could not continue with him, (the authentic commentary of it being that, according to her, continuing the marriage would lead to her falling into sin through hatred, resentment, neglect, or failure to fulfil each other’s rights)
The Prophet PBUH did not shame her or say “what will people say”, instead he told Thabit to accept his garden, the mehr, back and divorce her once (khul) which in the hanafi madhab predominantly followed in Afghanistan is an an irrevocable separation (Sahih al-Bukhari 5273)