r/ACOD

20m uk

Ill try not to pour to much but I have known for a while that my parents divorce when I was around 10 has scarred me (im 20 now), I feel bitter that I went through it and it really impacted my ability to socialise in school which lead to bullying and loneliness. I feel like I can pretend to be a normal functioning person (confident and approachable even) now but the truth is I never feel truly comfortable around other people and often feel like im making up social interactions as I go along in an anxious sort of way.

I recently had a bad exam and I found myself crying in the shower in a ball for my mother and the pain was visceral and so much like when I was younger. I have trouble remembering anything from before I was 16 I feel my mind has just blocked it out. I love both my parents, but I struggle with knowing my mother had an affair on my farther with her current husband (I was never meant to find out I overheard it one day), I dont know how to handle the part of me that hates her for hurting my dad.

Sorry for a bit of a trauma dump, im hoping to see a counsellor soon, wondering if anyone has some kind words or advice since im new to exploring this part of myself

I am pregnant with my first child after multiple long, tortuous fertility treatments, and when I finally got pregnant, all I wanted to do was share the joy I was finally feeling with my parents.

For context: I am a two-time child of divorced parents—my mom remarried when I was 11. My dad was pretty much out of the picture, so my stepdad really stepped up and raised me. However, ever since the divorce between my mom and stepdad, I feel like the man I have only ever known as my father figure is now treating me like I’m just the daughter of his ex-wife. He has two biological children with my mom—my two younger half-brothers.

To be honest, I’m not really sure what kind of response I was expecting when I told him I was finally pregnant, but it feels like it wasn’t the one he gave. Maybe I’m still in denial about feeling the sting of the divorce two years later, but when he replied via text after I sent the first ultrasound picture and audio recording of the baby’s heartbeat, it read: “That’s fantastic!!! You will be a great mom!! Sending all my love and positive vibes your way!!!”

He hasn’t texted or called me since.

Again, maybe it’s just the pregnancy hormones and I’m being dramatic, but to me, that reply felt hollow 😔 Someone please talk me off this ledge. Tell me I’m just being dramatic and overthinking this.

My (31F) parents are in the midst of a very messy divorce. Things have escalated, there's police, restraining orders, etc. involved. They're both using me for support. I can't handle it anymore. I don't know how to both support them and not take sides (and I have no desire to take sides.) They claim they don't want me to but at the same time one of them is essentially saying that by still talking to the other, I'm siding with them. The same person basically always complains I'm not supporting them, even though I am. It's having a very physical negative effect on me.

I thought it'd be possible for people to just "not take sides" but now not taking a side is becoming a side. And this is extending beyond me to my husband, and my in-laws.

I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to go full no contact, but I don't want to permanently ruin my relationship with them. Just looking for support.

First time poster here…

So…I (26F) found out yesterday that my parents (51) are getting divorced and I’m getting married in 6 months.

My mom filed on Thursday after finding out my dad cheated….again (first happened 5 years ago when dad was going through shi mentally, I saw it coming from a mile away) but this time it completely came out of left field. They had just retired, moved back to the U.S., bought a beautiful forever home, and honestly…it felt like they were falling in love again. We had finally gotten our family back. The four of us were talking again, having dinners together, laughing like we used to.

Now I feel like the ground disappeared beneath me.

I don’t know how to process the wedding side of this. How do I ask a man I’ve dreamed about since I was little to walk me down the aisle when he’s now broken the vows of his own marriage? I’ve had my daddy-daughter dance song picked out since I was 9 years old: “Butterfly Fly Away” by Miley Cyrus. I always imagined ending the dance with my mom, dad, and brother joining us on the dance floor. I was planning on doing a king’s table with both sets of parents sitting beside us instead of a sweetheart table. Now I’m wondering if my parents will even be able to sit at the same table….damn.

What makes this harder is that my dad has genuinely always been a good father. He’s supportive, intelligent, dependable, and has always shown up for us. My mom is truly an angel on earth. She’s devastated and furious, and her family is too. It breaks my heart hearing everyone speak about him with so much anger while I also see him sobbing and falling apart over what he’s done.

My brother is currently deployed in a war zone and won’t even be home until a month before my wedding. We haven’t told him yet, likely won’t until he gets back….hes going to be furious.

Selfishly…I’m heartbroken for myself too. I feel guilty even saying that because obviously my mom is the one going through the real betrayal here, but I feel like I’m grieving my family and the version of my wedding I’ve imagined my entire life. I’m struggling.

I’m looking to write a book for and about fellow ACODs. I have some personal things I’d like to know if I’m alone with, and thanks in advance.

—I feel like I’m the only one hurt by it because I don’t personally know many ACODs, and the ones I do know seem fine.

—I feel like I was expected to just be okay since I was a developed adult.

—I question my childhood memories because now I can’t help but wonder if my parents were miserable then as well. Was it a lie?

—My siblings are fine, so I should be fine. but I’m not.

— My parents make terrible comments about each other, and I feel like I can’t speak up about how that makes me feel

those are off the top of my head. Are those feelings anybody else has?

cheers, and thanks