u/twinflxwer

At almost 4 months on HRT, I’m seeing the first signs of breast growth. It’s so beautiful, but honestly? I’m mostly just terrified

It’s just…this is real. I’m actually doing this, I am actually irreversibly altering my body and there is no avoiding the social consequences of following through with this

Part of me questions if I want to continue HRT. I really wish I was AFAB, but being trans is just so overwhelming. The thought of giving it up and just being a guy feels like defeat, but also so peaceful

Is this kind of fear normal?

I have lived in Ohio my entire life, moved to Columbus for college, and graduated from OSU last year!

There are a LOT of people coming from other states, and even other countries from the sounds of it, for the Ohio Stadium show and I’m here to try to answer any questions anybody has before you come for the show!

I’ll try my best to answer everybody

Lately, I’ve been feeling really unsatisfied with my nights after work. They’re never energizing or refreshing, and I sort of feel like it always ends up being a waste

There are some bad habits I’m slowly working on that contribute to this, namely doomscrolling and a poor diet, but I’m still trying to figure out how I can really make the most of my afternoons and evenings after work

What does your average night at home look like?

I think it would be a really fun time, but I don’t know about the cost, especially since I have work the next morning

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My mother has come to be incredibly narcissistic, manipulative, and borderline abusive. She always was, but it’s become more apparent in the last decade or so

There are so many reasons I don’t think our relationship can continue, and being around her or even just talking on the phone is a terrible experience, but I just don’t feel I can go no contact. My parents consume all of my time, demanding constant texts and calls and even “visiting” me an hour away multiple days a week after work. If I need time to myself, I’m either denied it, or it causes a fight. The constant guilt tripping, screaming, and trouble with every little thing is just so exhausting

I feel bad, I want to salvage our relationship but there’s nothing left to salvage. My entire real life has to be kept a secret from her or she just explodes. I’m not even allowed to do my own laundry, my mother insists she do it. There’s always some reason nothing can ever change or improve. My father is also a victim, he just goes along with anything she says or does because if he goes against her he becomes the target even more than he already is. Even her incredible, almost unsafe paranoia about people watching her is just let slide and it tears me apart

I need to cut them off for my own wellbeing, but I just can’t do it. I’m terrified for how that would go, both for my own safety and for my parents safety, and I don’t want to destroy them like that since I’m all they have

What do I do?

I started HRT at the end of January with 2mg Estradiol twice daily, for a total of 4mg. Last Friday, I was able to increase my dosage to 3mg twice daily for a total of 6mg. AMA!!!

So I’m from Ohio, but I’m sort of at a point in my life where I’m thinking of where I want to live in the future, Seattle is in my top few choices, but I’m early in my search and I want input from locals!

I really value a place that always has something going on, an event, festival, show, or even just good hangout spots around town. Is Seattle a good choice? I don’t really know what to search for, it’s so big lol

I graduated from university last year. I’ve had a lot of big moments in my life since then, and it’s been great, but it’s been so, SO lonely

Many of my friends that are in college are too busy to talk regularly or hang out, even my closest friends. A lot are graduating this year or next and moving on with their lives. Making new friends at almost 25 years old, not in college, is so hard

I’m just really sad, because being alone is awful and I never got to have the deep, fun friendships I always wanted growing up and throughout college because of my family situation. Now, I feel like my best years are behind me and nothing really matters anymore

I just feel like the rest of my life will be severely lonely even compared to the loneliness I’ve always felt anyway, and all I have left is working, chores around my apartment, and maybe a little day trip here and there to distract myself from the pain of growing up

How do I feel better?

I (24, MTF) have been struggling

I graduated from university last spring, and now work full-time. My closest friends graduate this year and next year, and are leaving to live their lives. I feel like I’m being left behind. I just started HRT three months ago, so I have that going for me, but I still struggle to feel fulfilled day-to-day

My entire life is going to work, talking to my parents, maybe playing some video games and doomscrolling, repeat. I can’t bring myself to wake up early, eat as healthily as I’d like, anything. My parents are very controlling and narcissistic and actively try to prevent me from being independent at all, or from venturing out and doing anything with myself. I have a few half decent friends that I follow on Instagram, but none of them are very close

There are so many things in my life that I want, like super close friends, great hobbies, projects and social events that I’m invested in, just anything that actually gives me something to do instead of just things I desperately throw myself at trying to find anything to fill the void

Now that I’m transitioning, I’m realizing just how unhappy I am in every other aspect of my life as well, not just my body, and I’m not sure where to go from here

Tldr; I have a degree, a job, and I’m transitioning, but I still feel unfulfilled and lonely and lack the energy, motivation, or even the ideas of how to to overhaul my life in such a way that I’d actually be happy. All of my friends are way more put together than I am

Where can I find fulfillment?

I currently live in Columbus, OH after graduating from OSU last year, and I work in the area. At some point down the line, I want to move to a city with more energy? Columbus is pretty empty and boring bar a couple of big annual events, and it’s far from being a walkable city

I want to live somewhere that always has something to do and people to meet. Festivals, fairs, street markets, shows, hangout spots, social scenes, anything. I want to live somewhere where I can just chill at home if I want to, but where I don’t struggle to think of a reason to go outside

It’s also important to live in an LGBT-friendly city since I’m transgender

How can I figure out where to go? I’m also open to suggestions!