I can’t stop hurting my own feelings
My boyfriend is the sweetest most caring reassuring man ever and it really helps my raging brain that he has never been as romantically involved with anyone as he has been with me. I’m not his first girlfriend or kiss but I’m his first everything else. However before we got together we followed each other on Instagram and I saw he followed quite a few IG girls. Whenever I’d scroll on reels I’d scroll past these videos he liked of women that look nothing like me. Every. Single. Woman. Looked nothing like me. After we got together I told him that this was a huge issue for me and he removed every single one of them and even curated his algorithms to no longer show that stuff anymore. He always insists he likes me and the way I look and my body and my face and everything he does tells me he’s truthful but every now and then I scroll through all these girls’ old posts from before our relationship just to see his likes on them. I look at their faces and their bodies and how different they are from me. I destroy my self esteem even further every time I do this but I can’t help it. I clearly must be just what he settled for because he hadn’t had much luck before. It makes me so disgusted I don’t talk to him much afterwards. I doomscrolled thru them last night and have only sent him two texts all day because I am so irrationally angry at him and myself. I don’t know what to do with myself. I know it’s as simple as letting it go and never touching the profiles again but I just can’t stop looking at what he probably wishes he could actually have.