u/starstrukkmff

انا نفسي أروح الجيم و أشتغل على نفسي بس انا مش مرتاحه من فكرة اني أتمرن قدام ناس تانية (حتى لو جيم بنات بس). مش عايزة أبقى المبتدأ الي جايا تجرب و مش فاهمة حاجة و في نفس الوقت مش عايزة سشنز مع كوتش أو حاجة شبيهة عشان أتعلم. بابايا تقريباً** نفس شخصيتي و بيتمرن في البيت و بيشجعني أعمل نفس الحاجة بس انا تمارين الدمبلز مملة بالنزبالي و عايزة ترايدميل و كارديو اكتر. و كده كده مش هعرف أنزل أجري في الشارع. حد عنده نصيحة أو اقتراحات**؟

All the experiments we did all year were SUUUPER simple. Like elementary shit. Pendulum oscillations, varying resistors- easy peasy stuff. I open the past papers from the last 4 years and I was shocked. The questions look so much different. Crocodile clips? Vernier Calipers? I never saw that shit in my life.
What do I do??? How do I prepare for this without having access to my own private laboratory? Help me 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

تلاتة ملهمش اي علاقة ببعد بس مش عارفة ابدأ بمين
تبعاً** لازم يكون مسلسل استثنائي عشان هتفرج عليه فترة امتحانا**ت

TW intense self hate and mentions of ED

I’m in arguably the most stressful period of my life and my exams are weighing down on me. But I can’t stare at my body in the mirror. And I can’t open up to anyone about it without them saying that I should do something instead of whining.

I’ve always been a bit overweight, ever since I was around 12. I hit >!67!< kgs when I was 13 and I had the worst ED ever the few years after. I hated everything about my body. I hated that my skinnier friends could dress more freely when I had to wear shorts at the beach because of my legs. I hated the way my mom looked at me and how hard she laughed when she saw that I was heavier on her on the scale. I hated being tall and fat. I felt like an ogre. And I did everything I could to lose the weight until by 16 I was at >!55!< kgs and even though I’d gone down on the scale I still felt like the fattest thing ever.

Then came year 13 and A-levels -arguably the most stressful exams I’ve ever had to take my whole life- and I completely lost my self to food. Food was my way of bonding with my friends after school, my reward after studying, my comfort when I was stressed. Food was everything.

But now year 13 is ending, exams are killing me and I’m the fattest I’ve ever been. Im around >!77!< kgs and my stomach is huge. My thighs are insanely big and everything about me feels absolutely repulsive. I tried to open up to my sister about it and all she had to say was you aren’t even trying. I don’t know what to do. I feel like an absolute piece of shit. I can’t talk to anyone without feeling like I don’t even deserve to be human. I feel inferior and I feel like I can’t take it anymore.

I posted like three times about econ and it’s like i’m shouting in space. Are you guys there? Hello 😭 I feel so alone and only like 4 people take it at my school did I mess up? Also the curve is shite? Bro😭

Basically, it’s very hot over here where I live (almost in the desert) so I decided to open my window while I sleep. I’ve gotten used to the usual seeing things, flashing and feeling like my brain is being spun like a fidget spinner and hearing screaming and roaring, but this one was different. To preface, I’ve stopped opening my eyes during episodes because I can no longer mentally deal with that and It leaves me absolutely terrified; hence the visual hallucinations, which are sometimes colorful, sometimes flashing and horrifying. Now this time, there was no visual hallucinations. I felt a really strong wind, raise me from my bed and spin me around fiercely. All I could hear were very intense bird sounds, singing and flapping of wings along with the sound of the wind against me as if I was on a roller coaster, and all I could see was a soft grey light. I tried opening my eyes and I could see my window. During this, my lungs would continuously fill with air and empty and so on and so on while I was being spun vicariously. It didn’t feel horrible. Yes it was kind of scary but it felt good somewhat. I’ve never had anything like this happen to me before. What do you guys think?

It’s literally so frustrating to deal with people like that irl so I can’t imagine how hard it must be to already be under so much stress trying to save someones LIFE and some asshole is talking in your ear about some “yeah ik you studied this until it became engraved in your brain and you have insane experience and this is what you do best but I THINK you’re wrong” like oh mygod shut uppppp

امي شخص بيفضفض كل الي جواه زي ما هى عايزة و بتزعق و بتكلم نفسها في اي فرصة من وانا صغيرة و انا الاخت الكبيرة فالموال كله فوق دماغي و بقالي حبة بحاول أبقى صبورة و مردش و متعصبش بس حرفياً** بيجيلي تشنجات و جسمي كله بيتشنج و ببقى في حالة مرعبة من التوتر بجد زهقت و حاسه اني بتجن**ن