r/CheatedOn

We’ve been together for 12.5 years. I (32f) found my husband (41m) sexting with two irl people he knows and received nudes from them (one who even attended our wedding 8 months ago). I have thoughts of “Will I ever be able to trust him again?”

I confronted him last night about it and he was sincerely remorseful. We’re going to see a marriage counselor in two weeks (the wait is gonna drive me crazy). He also blocked the two women he was sexting and deleted all their photos.

I feel like I can’t even go to any friend or family member for fear of outing him and making him look horrible. We both still love each other and want to move past this but there’s such a pain in my body and I go into crying/screaming fits that last 3-4 hours. I’ve been on Lexapro & Welbutrin & Trazadone for the past few months for my depression, anxiety, PTSD, and agoraphobia; so I’m not sure what else can be done on the medication side? Looking for any insight/advice for the situation and how to keep my sanity…

I’m devastated. 4 kids (newest baby 7 months old) and you’d think your relationship is secured. My sister caught his car in a parking lot across town and saw him getting into another car while he was supposed to be working. She got the license plate picture and sent it to me and I confronted him with the picture but he got mad and said that it was just a MALE coworker and they were meeting up for lunch and that I’m the crazy one for snooping around??! He’s been distant and I don’t have access to his phone 😞 Please tell me I’m being paranoid but my gut is telling me otherwise. Is there a way I could look up who owns the car to ease my mind?? Or just to confirm if it’s a male or a female owning it?

I just found out that my girlfriend has cheated on me. In the early stages of our relationship I cheated on her by subbing to OF and buying pictures from other women. I never had anything physical with anyone, it was purely online and getting videos. She stuck by me after this, but I recently found out that she’s cheated on me, she’s kissed and had sex with at least one other person.

I’m torn on if I should stick with her since I cheated and she stayed, or if I should call it off. On one hand I cheated and she didn’t go so I feel like I owe it to her to give her another chance like she did me. But on the other I feel like there’s a huge difference between what I did and what she’s done. Am I crazy to think her cheating by having sex with someone else is worse then me talking to someone online and buying some pictures or looking at someones OF?

I’m not sure what to do and any advice anyone has would really help

My wife has barely been talking to me lately. I feel like I’m always the one initiating conversations and trying to connect. There’s been a lot of distance between us and I’m starting to feel anxious and insecure.

Recently I came across some private notes/journal entries that she doesn’t know I saw, and some of the phrases really worried me. Things like “there’s a new player,” “dangerous game at work,” “a hard hit to our marriage today” (after I told her her flirting with other men hurts me), and a note about meeting somewhere in a car park.

I know reading private notes wasn’t right, and I’m not proud of that. But now I’ve seen things I can’t unsee.

What’s confusing me even more is that her sex drive suddenly increased for a bit, wanting sex every night, but emotionally she still feels distant and barely talks to me.

I don’t know if I’m overthinking, if there’s an innocent explanation, or if there are bigger issues in our marriage. I don’t want to accuse her of anything without facts, but I also feel like something is off.

How would you approach this? Honest conversation? Ask directly? Focus on the distance instead of the notes? Anyone been through something similar?

My wife has barely been talking to me lately. I feel like I’m always the one initiating conversations and trying to connect. There’s been a lot of distance between us and I’m starting to feel anxious and insecure.

Recently I came across some private notes/journal entries that she doesn’t know I saw, and some of the phrases really worried me. Things like “there’s a new player,” “dangerous game at work,” “a hard hit to our marriage today” (after I told her her flirting with other men hurts me), and a note about meeting somewhere in a car park.

I know reading private notes wasn’t right, and I’m not proud of that. But now I’ve seen things I can’t unsee.

What’s confusing me even more is that her sex drive suddenly increased for a bit, wanting sex every night, but emotionally she still feels distant and barely talks to me.

I don’t know if I’m overthinking, if there’s an innocent explanation, or if there are bigger issues in our marriage. I don’t want to accuse her of anything without facts, but I also feel like something is off.

How would you approach this? Honest conversation? Ask directly? Focus on the distance instead of the notes? Anyone been through something similar?

About two weeks ago, my boyfriend (23M) of three and a half years confessed he cheated on me (22F) in the early stages of our relationship.

The confession came about during a picnic after he’d been silent for a couple of minutes. I must’ve caught him off guard, as I kept asking him what he was thinking about. He eventually told me that in the first few months of us officially being together he’d kissed two girls on two separate occasions, months apart. He went on about how it’s been eating him up inside for the past year since he’d been reminded of it again, and he understands if I want to break up with him etc. He knew that because he wants to marry me he had to be honest about it before then.

Some additional points are, he initially didn’t remember the exact dates when either of them happened so he had to ask his friends (weird?), to which he still doesn’t know when or where exactly the first time occurred, but apparently it was sometime around 1/2 months official. The second time was 4 months official, 8 months of seeing/knowing each other. He said one of his friends brought it up jokingly in a conversation about a year ago, but he’d forgotten it’d ever happened as he’d repressed it. Both times were on nights out with friends and the girls were unknown to him. As far as i’m aware it’s not happened more than twice, but how would I ever know otherwise.

I didn’t know how to react at the time when I was sat there with him, but during these last couple of weeks it’s definitely affected me more than I think I realise - physically and mentally.

I’ve spoken to friends and deliberated with myself about it, I guess the main points are: Can I trust him again when he’s lied to me for 3 years? Do I really want to be with someone who’s cheated on me, regardless of what the cheating offence is? Once might be a mistake, but twice? Is it worth breaking up with him over? I would have broken up with him if I’d have known back then, so why should it be any different now? What was different about those two times with those two exact girls compared to all the lads holidays or other times he’s been out and the girls there?

I’d also like to mention that, as much as I am astounded by the fact that he’s cheated, I think i’m more shocked by the effortless concealment he’s managed to maintain.

I’d appreciate some advice on what to do and where to go from here, and to hear if anyone has had a similar experience and what they chose to do. It’s also interesting to hear from people who don’t know him. I know at the end of the day it’s my relationship and only I can decide what to do moving forward (I hate that there’s no right or wrong answer), but discussing it helps me understand how I feel.

My wife cheated on me last weekend, with a redhead twink with angel fangs. Right after we had our 30th anniversary and that weekend we had a time 😉, very hurt she cheated but the nights we had are unforgettable!

Do you think, if you’re in a relationship, that asking an opposite sex friend if you can come over, watch a movie and cuddle is considered cheating?

I’m F(19) and my boyfriend M(19) cheated on me with a girl he works with… and I also work with both of them, which makes this way more complicated.

For some background, this girl is someone I already didn’t like because a couple years ago she tried to get with my ex right after we broke up. I didn’t even know she and my boyfriend had history — I thought they were just friends, but apparently they had kind of talked before we got together (it was one-sided from what I’ve been told).

Earlier in our relationship, he went to her birthday party without telling me. We were technically broken up for like a week at the time, so I let it go when we got back together.

Now, over a year into the relationship, he went with her to an abandoned parking lot, got drunk, and they made out. She left hickeys on him.

The part that makes this even more confusing is that I’m still talking to him. I told him I forgave him, and we’ve hung out and been intimate multiple times since it happened, so I feel really conflicted about everything.

The problem is I still have to see both of them at work, and I can’t really get another job right now because this one works with my school schedule. I also don’t have a car at the moment, so I rely on him for rides. I really don’t want everyone at my job knowing what happened or being in my business.

I don’t know if I should just stay quiet and keep things private, or if that’s just going to make things worse for me mentally.

he laid in my bed while i slept next to him, and received/responded to graphic videos from another woman. while laying in my bed. while i slept right next to him.

he manipulated his notifications and contact info to hide sexting with multiple ex-girlfriends and sex workers

he begged me for spicy photos and swore mine were the only ones he had, while keeping a stash of hundreds of photos and videos (without knowledge or permission from many of the women) for years after he was with some of them. they are almost all women that i know directly and some i am friends with

he lied to me, was unfaithful to me, and gaslit me over and over and over and over

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pretty brutally cheated on by my best friend, lover, and person i'm closest to in the whole world. for reasons, we were keeping our serious involvement a secret from close friends, which has just made it all the messier

we were sleeping together and saying "i love you" for nearly a year; the most loving and trusting and caring sexual relationship i've developed in adulthood (and since surviving SA, but that story is not part of this)

in a moment of extreme weakness and insecurity, i looked through his phone while he was asleep in my bed. he had a specific ex i was feeling insecure about, and i had suspicions they had more contact than i knew about

and boy did they. her and multiple other women, all of whom i know and have direct contact with. all the classics: muted texts, deleting contact info so i wouldn't see specific names, extremely graphic photos and messages with other women, flirtations with a sex worker we both know, having multiple ex-gfs and sex workers muted (none of these women knew about me, and none of them did a single thing wrong)

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and i am losing my mind because i really can't tell anyone (except you, faithful reddit). it would basically ruin his life and cost him his job, his friendships, and possibly even more serious trouble than that. it would also cost me several serious friendships because i've been lying to some of my friends about my involvement with him. some of the women involved -- who did not do anything wrong -- would also be VERY hurt and embarrassed by this if it ever were to come out

i used to feel like such a catch. i used to feel beautiful and confident and friendly. and now all i do is lay around and cry and throw up and look at pictures of these women he wanted more than me, and wonder how i wasn't enough

i lost my best friend, most trusted lover, and entire self-image in one go. and i cannot tell a soul. i do not know how i will recover and i feel completely alone

how do i move on from this heartbreak and feel like myself again?

I’m 34F, husband is 41M, we’ve been married 8 years and have 8-month-old twins. This is my first time being a mom. My pregnancy was high-risk, so we basically stopped having sex from early on. After birth, I had a really rough postpartum—C-section recovery, twins, hormones, the whole thing.

Both my mom and MIL stayed with us for about a month “to help,” but it honestly made things worse. My MIL kept going on about how tired my husband was while I was literally recovering from surgery and trying to breastfeed two babies. There was constant tension and my husband usually sided with her (or at least didn’t really have my back). I felt super alone even in a full house.

Around month 2 postpartum things started to stabilize a bit. The first time we had sex it was extremely painful (like burning—probably hormones/pelvic floor). Since then it’s been maybe 2–3 times a month at most.

Life with twins is exhausting. I had basically no sex drive for a long time and even told him he could just masturbate if he needed to. He works a lot, leaves early, comes home exhausted and passes out on the couch half the time. Between that and the babies, sex just isn’t really happening.

Today I was using his phone (he handed it to me, I wasn’t snooping), and when I clicked on Instagram search I saw he’d been searching for multiple women in sexy outfits… like 8–10 different profiles. It wasn’t random either, there was a pattern (a certain type/lingerie).

I confronted him and told him it made me feel like shit, especially given where I’m at physically right now (gained 25kg during pregnancy, lost 10 but still have 15 to go). It made me feel unattractive and honestly kind of worthless.

His response was basically: “It’s not just your sex life that sucks, mine does too. That’s why I look when I masturbate.”

I told him we’ve been married 8 years and I didn’t even know he was into this specific thing. He said he’s told me before he wants more “sexy outfits” and fantasies. We’ve bought lingerie before and I did wear it occasionally pre-pregnancy, but he never mentioned this specific preference. Now he says he wasn’t searching for anything specific, just “sexy women,” but it really didn’t look that random to me.

I feel really hurt. Not just insecure, but almost… betrayed? And more than that, I feel like he completely dismissed my feelings. I cried and he just said I’m overreacting and that not everything is about me.

Am I overreacting?

A few days ago, I found out the my husband was on sex websites looking for women to have sex with or as he explains it( seeking validation) as well as hiding a secret Instagram account, following and messaging/flirting with other women. I have already told him i am done and we are in the process of divorcing… i am simply asking for ways told him cope. Today i couldn’t stop crying thinking about the fact that he’d do that to me. I feel very broken. Any advice with coping and moving on?

Hello,

My girlfriend (33F) broke up with me (28M) after emotionally cheating on me. This is also an update to my previous post.

We were together for 5 years. In 2024, we bought our first home in Canada and we have two beautiful dogs together. Recently, I found out she was having an emotional affair with a male coworker. When I checked her phone, she admitted it had been going on for a couple of weeks.

She said the coworker made her feel happy and validated, and that I had been making her feel like a “ghost” — like I wasn’t prioritizing her. She said she had been unhappy for a while. After I caught her, we had a huge fight. The next day, I asked her if we could fix things. I love her deeply — she was my first serious relationship. I also wanted to avoid everything falling apart: selling the house, disrupting our careers, and putting our dogs back into an apartment lifestyle after they’ve had space and freedom.

I was ready to forgive and move forward.

But the problem is, she doesn’t want to fix it. And I just don’t understand why. In my mind, I thought she would be the one asking for forgiveness and trying to make things work. But she didn’t even try. She didn’t fight for us at all.

When I asked her why, she said she didn’t “give up,” but that after I found out, she feels like things can never go back to how they were, and she doesn’t believe the relationship is fixable anymore.

But how can she know that without even trying?

I told her that I am keeping the dogs. Surprisingly, she complied without any fight or arguments. She gave up on dogs?

Every day feels like torture. Everything reminds me of the good times. She was genuinely a good partner to me and very supportive until this happened.

I still have a bit of hope left, but it’s hanging by a thread.

The house is going on the market in June. I’ll likely be moving into an apartment with my dogs, which I hate. They had a big backyard here and so much freedom.

Some days I can’t stop thinking: Maybe I shouldn’t have checked her phone. Maybe I should have treated her better.

Lastly, should I try couples counseling. Can I still save it? I am cross posting it to get as many responses.

I (21F) and my wife (20F) are going through a hard patch. We’ve been together on and off since we were 14 & 15. we got married a little over a year ago. We were long distance for awhile due to my job. after we got married last year i found out on our honey moon she was cheating for 4 months before the marriage (with a guy) but i was scared to leave then bc i didn’t want my marriage to be a failure and i just spent a lot of money for us to get married and to fly home. we worked through it for the most part. well fast forward 10 month later we’re no longer long distance and we have a house together and she cheated on me again (with a guy) while i was upstairs asleep. i set my boundaries with both of them and then she continued to emotionally cheat on me with the same person i caught them talking about how they wish things could be different and could be together. i said we would work through it but it’s really eating me up and i resent her and i don’t think we should be in this position this fresh into marriage. im so lost on what to do and how to decide to stay or leave. any advice would be great.

throwaway because I don't want to be identified

I (27) got cheated on by my partner (27). I found out today. A friend of the girl he cheated on send me a message. The girl he cheated on me with is 17. He said they just made out, didn't have sex. They work together. I don't know what to do. I moved cities to live with him. All my friends and family are in my hometown. I haven't told anyone yet, I just don't know what to do. I guess I'm just looking for outside perspectives. Does it get better? I know I have to leave him, I just don't have the strength to think about all the logistics of it right now.

I was in a relationship for 1.5 years, and I just found out that they had been cheating almost the entire time.

Not physical, at least from what I know. But flirting. Sexting. Five other girls. Five. And honestly, that’s just what I know. There could be more. We were semi long-distance, barely meeting once or twice a month, so I don’t even know what was real anymore. I can’t trust a single word they say.

I found out a month ago. Saw chats with two girls and ended it immediately. I thought that was the worst of it. Then they came to meet me a few days back, and I found out about three more. It just keeps getting worse, like every layer I peel back makes me feel more stupid.

Now they’re all “I’m sorry, I’ll change, I’ll fix everything.”
But I hate them. I genuinely hate them.

This was my first relationship. I trusted them blindly. And that’s what’s breaking me the most. I ignored everything. The discomfort around their phone. The small gut feelings. I brushed it all off because I believed them.

And they were so good at manipulation. Every time I confronted something, it turned into their trauma, their pain, their struggles.

I gave them so much. Time. Patience. Understanding. I knew their past, their issues, everything. I stayed. I supported. I loved.

And what did I get?

Excuses like “my family is pressuring me, they’ll never accept us.” Funny how they said that while also telling me “I’m ready to fight everyone for you.”

I feel so stupid for believing that.

There are moments that haunt me. For eg, once they went for a night stay at a couple friend’s flat. I was worried because they weren’t picking up my calls. When we finally spoke, I actually wrote in my notes that maybe this was a sign from God to not take them for granted, to be a better girlfriend. I wrote a whole big para. Meanwhile, they were sending the same recorded video - “I’m at my friend’s place” - to me and another girl on snap.

That memory makes me feel physically sick.

There are so many incidents like this. So many things that now make sense in the worst way possible.

Apart from the blind trust, one more mistake I made was meeting them again a few days back. We talked for 4-5 hours. I was very angry in the beginning, but towards the end I was just drained. I stopped arguing and just listened. I don’t even know what happened in that moment. When they came close, I lost a bit of control. I pulled back when they tried to kiss me…but still, for a second, I let it happen. And trust me, for the first time in those 1.5 years, it felt purely physical. No emotion. Nothing. I didn’t feel a single thing. And I never want to do that again.

I look at our pictures now and I can’t even recognize that version of myself. I just feel this heavy, sinking sadness. Nights are the worst. I can’t sleep. I get panic attacks. My chest feels tight and my mind won’t stop replaying everything.

We broke up a month ago, and I had just started to heal, even if it was 0.1%. But after meeting them again, I’m back to square one.

And now they’re acting obsessed. Saying they’ll treat me like a queen if I give them another chance. It disgusts me.

I can’t believe I loved someone like this. I can’t believe I gave so much of myself to someone so machiavellian.

To anyone who has gone through something like this - how did you deal with it?
How long did it take before it stopped hurting like this?

it’s 405am, i’m too tired to explain, i’ll edit this later but ols

I’m realizing now that she likely had someone else lined up well before that 3:50 AM text on Monday saying, 'I am seeing someone.' Looking back, the signs were there, but it’s hard to reconcile because only two weeks prior, she came back to me with massive promises about our future and wanting to start a family. Knowing now that those were lies is what my head keeps looping back to. It has not been a week yet.

She has a history of coming back. I don't want her back though, I always so no come back and do not contact me again, she always finds a way. Also I helped her with everytinhg

Now, it feels like she’s playing games. She liked my story at 4:00 AM her time, then immediately posted a 'novel' about the new guy she’s with. I accidentally read it, and the weight of it hit me hard. She effectively broke no-contact by engaging with my social media, and in a moment of weakness, I slipped up and sent her an SMS.

Hello,

My girlfriend (33F) broke up with me (28M) after emotionally cheating on me. This is also an update to my previous post.

We were together for 5 years. In 2024, we bought our first home in Canada and we have two beautiful dogs together. Recently, I found out she was having an emotional affair with a male coworker. When I checked her phone, she admitted it had been going on for a couple of weeks. This was back in March. She said the coworker made her feel happy and validated, and that I had been making her feel like a “ghost” — like I wasn’t prioritizing her. She said she had been unhappy for a while.

After I caught her, we had a huge fight. The next day, I asked her if we could fix things. I love her deeply — she was my first serious relationship. I also wanted to avoid everything falling apart: selling the house, disrupting our careers, and putting our dogs back into an apartment lifestyle after they’ve had space and freedom.

I was ready to forgive and move forward.

But the problem is, she doesn’t want to fix it. And I just don’t understand why. In my mind, I thought she would be the one asking for forgiveness and trying to make things work. But she didn’t even try. She didn’t fight for us at all.

When I asked her why, she said she didn’t “give up,” but that after I found out, she feels like things can never go back to how they were, and she doesn’t believe the relationship is fixable anymore.

But how can she know that without even trying?

Every day feels like torture. Everything reminds me of the good times. She was genuinely a good partner to me and very supportive until this happened.

I still have a bit of hope left, but it’s hanging by a thread.

The house is going on the market in June. I’ll likely be moving into an apartment with my dogs, which I hate. They had a big backyard here and so much freedom. I start my internship next week which goes until October. It is long working hour job from 7 am to 6 pm. I'm really worried about my dogs in the afternoon. They need to pee, poop and eat. I don't really have a lot of friends who will go and look after them

Some days I can’t stop thinking: Maybe I shouldn’t have checked her phone.Maybe I should have treated her better.

I just don’t know how to make sense of any of this