u/o0PillowWillow0o

I’m 38 and currently stuck in a cycle of indecision that I’m hoping to get some outside perspective on. My son is 14, and my husband (35) is his stepdad. My husband is wonderful and is truly happy either way and he’s content with our life now, but open to another if that’s what I want.

I feel completely torn 50/50, and I’m struggling to figure out what’s best for our family.

The "Pros" / Why I’m considering it:

I spent my 20s raising my son and often wish I’d had a second one sooner so they could grow up together. I feel a pull to experience motherhood again now that I’m more established and have a great partner.

I see people around me having babies now, and it triggers a "now or never" feeling.

I love the idea of my son having a sibling, even with a large gap, for the long-term future.

-im worried my family will feel too small when I'm older

The "Cons" / Why I’m hesitant:

My son is 14 and is becoming independent. I missed out on a lot of travel and "carefree" experiences in my 20s because I was a young mom. My 40s could finally be the time for my husband and me to do those things.

Starting over means another 18+ years of active parenting just as I’m reaching a "freedom" milestone.

I’m worried about the impact on my son. I don’t want to take away from his final years at home or change his life in a way that he might resent.

My main questions for the group:

For those with a 10+ year age gap, how did it affect your oldest child? Did they enjoy the "big sibling" role, or did they feel pushed aside? Or maybe you yourself had this experience growing up

If you chose the "freedom" route in your 40s, do you regret not having that second child?

How do you distinguish between "baby fever" and a genuine desire to grow the family?

I’m trying to be as unbiased as possible because I truly see the beauty in both paths. Any insight would be appreciated.

This is so odd to me because he's allowed out during the evening but will stay home one night and that same night sneak out.

Last night was like this and I noticed on one of the cameras just barely at a corner he went downstairs and out a window.

We previously caught him using the front or back door on the main level but those are visible to cameras. (Cameras were for security)

Hubby says we should lock the basement windows with locks so he can't exit (they only lock from inside ATM for security)but I'm worried our son will then jump from the second story widows upstairs.

I just don't know if there's a better way to discourage this behavior? If anyone has tips. My son is only 14 starting this and I feel like a failure

We all age and we know youth is really always going to be the peak of looking your best. And I understand it's slow and maybe you're good till your 40s or so but eventually it's just harder and harder to compete and your spouse is looking around and that's natural.

But sometimes it hurts? Like my husband will comment on a younger woman's body or I'll just see him looking at them and I'll laugh it off but deep down I just feel so dismissed? It's a weird feeling I can't quite describe.

So yes men will look but how did you stop caring?

Edit: I'm active and practice self care, I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT I'm slim and relatively attractive honestly. Sad I have to spell this out but multiple comments are assuming.