u/nanadoom

I have moderate ADHD, with no hyperactivity. So to the outside world it can look like I'm lazy, impulsive and can't be quiet especially before I got on the correct medicine. I've been married for about 15 years, and my mother in law (we'll call her Laura) has had no patience for my disease. She tells me to be quiet, "it's not your turn to talk, and "were you even listening when we talked about this" on top of being very judgemental about how clean we keep the house (my wife is likely ADHD and never diagnosed). We have had a few confrontations over the years about it, especially when she's at our house (my house my rules)

Last year she had a stroke, the biggest lasting effect of it is that it has given her ADHD. They came to visit us for the first time since her stroke. We were at busy farmers market and stopped to plan the rest of the day. While she was talking to my wife, I was talking to my father in law and containing our 2y.o and 4y.o. She then turns to me and yells "stop talking!". Rather than cause a scene I bite my tongue, take our two kids and ask my wife if she wants to come home now or ride with her parents because I'm done with her mom's disrespect.

Later that day, after my wife had talked to Laura, she asked if we could talk. She apologized, which I really appreciated. Then She talked about how she has ADHD now and things can get really overwhelming. She can't focus and gets overstimulated. She asked that I have patience with her and some understanding.

This is where my wife thinks I was an asshole. I told my mother in law "Of course I will. I know how difficult having ADHD can be. But I would really like you to understand the irony of asking me for this when I was not extended the same courtesy for the last 15 years." I walked away after that because I had said my peace and could see she was gearing up for a fight. Now Laura says I am disrespectful, and my wife says I was out of line and wants me to apologize. I told her I would not because what I said was true, and not a personal attack. It was pointing out a history of disrespectful behavior towards me.

So AITAH? Do I owe Laura on apology?

Edit: I should add, there are a few reasons my wife has never gone toe to toe with her mom for me. The biggest of which is I have never asked her to. I, by and large, handle my own confrontations. Second, our family's communication style is very different. I was raised with 5 brothers and 2 sisters, so if you had something to say you better say it. She grew up as an only child, so it was a quiet turn based affair. So it didn't strike her ear as off or offensive when her mom would tell me to be quiet, because that's just how she js

I went for a walk last night at CW and saw a huge white tent set up in front of the governor's palace. I didn't see anything about an event (other than 2nd Sunday) happening this weekend. Any idea what it's for?

Every time I make soup, if the recipe calls for water and broth, I just replace the water with more broth for more flavor. My mom saw me do this with my grandma's recipe and insisted I should follow the recipe because grandma knew what she was doing. I think grandma was trying to stretch every dollar since she grew up on a farm in the depression. Is there a good reason to water down the broth or was grandma just being thrifty?

If you're uncomfortable driving quickly especially in the rain, that's fine. Everyone had different comfort levels. It does mean you should stay off roads where you are expected to drive quickly. I don't mean we shouldn't slow down a little when there is rain but 30mph in the left lane of 199 is dangerous. There are other ways to get anywhere in town that the speed limit isn't 60. I saw a little old lady in a Lexus almost get rear ended twice today.

I have a friend who has always struggled with his weight. Since were in highschool he's been 50 to 75blbs over weight. Once becoming a dad, 4 years ago, he's gained probably 50lbs. He knows it and has talked about losing weight and eating healthier. The problem is his 4 year old is now obese, and my friend is convinced he's just "a big kid" and doesn't see a problem. I'm not trying to bodyshame anyone, I'm about 40 lbs overweight myself. But i see these kids struggling and it breaks my heart. He can't keep up with the other kids when they are playing and the kid is starting to get upset when the other kids play games with lots running. His parents always have junk food around for snacks, and they give him juice or soda just about anytime he's thirsty.

My wife thinks it's borderline abusive to let a 4 year old be that much over weight and wants me to talk to my friend. I assume his doctor has told him that the kid is obese, so I am guessing he already knows. Plus I don't know what I could say that wouldn't come off as judgmental or insulting. Who likes to get unsolicited parenting advice, or diet tips? I told my wife I would ask for the wisdom of the counsel of dads and see what they think. So do you all have any advice?

Tldr: should I say something to my friend about his kid's weight, and if so what?