u/marilynmichelle1

I told my therapist today about an interrupted attempt I had during a conflict with a friend last week. I was arguing with a friend over text, and with my parents in person. I was telling my parents that I was done. My mom said “you’ve said this a thousand times, you’re not done.” I immediately went and grabbed a bottle of pills from my bathroom and tried to swallow them all. It made me gag, and I spit them out, got angry, put them back into the bottle, and left the bathroom. During the argument with my friend, my friend was threatening our entire friendship. (She’s my closest friend.) I felt completely abandoned. My therapist didn’t even let me explain the conflict before jumping into safety plans. She told me that I needed to calm down first and gave examples like “screaming into a pillow” or “counting backwards from 100.” I completely shut down. I told her that when I’m that amped up, I’m not going to think to look at a stupid piece of paper. I don’t think she realizes that once I reach that point, I’m way past using basic coping skills. I physically cannot calm myself down and feel like I HAVE to take drastic measures. I thought my friendship was over. I thought I didn’t have anyone and it was my fault. It felt so disproportionate to me. Has anyone else experienced this?

I told my therapist today about an interrupted attempt I had during a conflict with a friend last week. I was arguing with a friend over text, and with my parents in person. I was telling my parents that I was done. My mom said “you’ve said this a thousand times, you’re not done.” I immediately went and grabbed a bottle of pills from my bathroom and tried to swallow them all. It made me gag, and I spit them out, got angry, put them back into the bottle, and left the bathroom. During the argument with my friend, my friend was threatening our entire friendship. (She’s my closest friend.) I felt completely abandoned. My therapist didn’t even let me explain the conflict before jumping into safety plans. She told me that I needed to calm down first and gave examples like “screaming into a pillow” or “counting backwards from 100.” I completely shut down. I told her that when I’m that amped up, I’m not going to think to look at a stupid piece of paper. I don’t think she realizes that once I reach that point, I’m way past using basic coping skills. I physically cannot calm myself down and feel like I HAVE to take drastic measures. I thought my friendship was over. I thought I didn’t have anyone and it was my fault. It felt so disproportionate to me. Has anyone else experienced this?

I told my therapist today about an interrupted attempt I had during a conflict with a friend last week. I was arguing with a friend over text, and with my parents in person. I was telling my parents that I was done. My mom said “you’ve said this a thousand times, you’re not done.” I immediately went and grabbed a bottle of pills from my bathroom and tried to swallow them all. It made me gag, and I spit them out, got angry, put them back into the bottle, and left the bathroom. During the argument with my friend, my friend was threatening our entire friendship. (She’s my closest friend.) I felt completely abandoned. My therapist didn’t even let me explain the conflict before jumping into safety plans. She told me that I needed to calm down first and gave examples like “screaming into a pillow” or “counting backwards from 100.” I completely shut down. I told her that when I’m that amped up, I’m not going to think to look at a stupid piece of paper. I don’t think she realizes that once I reach that point, I’m way past using basic coping skills. I physically cannot calm myself down and feel like I HAVE to take drastic measures. I thought my friendship was over. I thought I didn’t have anyone and it was my fault. It felt so disproportionate to me. Has anyone else experienced this?

I’m feeling stuck with an ACT exercise my therapist gave me and I’m trying to figure out if I’m missing something. So, I met with my therapist today, and we reevaluated my treatment plan (again), which I’m not mad about since my suicidal drivers have changed. The thing that’s slightly annoying me is this: we’ve been talking about how my main driver right now is a lack of control with big life changes (my mom’s leukemia, me potentially losing my job, my aunt’s cancer getting worse, my broken ankle, etc.). My therapist wants to use ACT and have me write down the things I do have control over in my day-to-day life so I don’t feel so powerless. I get what she’s going for, but I don’t see how writing down something like “I chose to wear a purple shirt today” is supposed to make me feel empowered or like I have any meaningful control over my life. Like, if I could see a chain of: “I wore a purple shirt → someone noticed → it sparked a conversation → I met someone → it led to a job” then I could see how that would feel meaningful. If I could see how it impacted my life and see the chain of events, sure. But otherwise, I don’t really see how this helps. I already know I technically have control over small things. That’s not the issue. The issue is that I don’t have control over the things that actually matter right now, and THAT makes me feel completely powerless. I guess I’m trying to understand, has this kind of ACT exercise actually helped anyone when the big stressors are genuinely out of your control? Am I missing something in how I’m supposed to approach it?

So, I met with my therapist today, and we reevaluated my treatment plan (again), which I’m not mad about since my suicidal drivers have changed. The thing that’s slightly annoying me is this: we’ve been talking about how my main driver right now is a lack of control with big life changes (my mom’s leukemia, me potentially losing my job, my aunt’s cancer getting worse, my broken ankle, etc.). My therapist wants to use ACT and have me write down the things I do have control over in my day-to-day life so I don’t feel so powerless. I get what she’s going for, but I don’t see how writing down something like “I chose to wear a purple shirt today” is supposed to make me feel empowered or like I have any meaningful control over my life. Like, if I could see a chain of: “I wore a purple shirt → someone noticed → it sparked a conversation → I met someone → it led to a job” then I could see how that would feel meaningful. If I could see how it impacted my life and see the chain of events, sure. But otherwise, I don’t really see how this helps. I already know I technically have control over small things. That’s not the issue. The issue is that I don’t have control over the things that actually matter right now, and THAT makes me feel completely powerless. I guess I’m trying to understand, has this kind of ACT exercise actually helped anyone when the big stressors are genuinely out of your control? Am I missing something in how I’m supposed to approach it?