u/littleguyparade

oh my god. i still cannot believe this happened to me.

so for context im 17 and a HARD butch, like i bind my chest and all that shit just for aesthetics and such. i also have a pretty deep voice and an androgynous face so i get mistaken for a guy often. this doesnt bother me because usually people realize after talking to me for a few that im just a really masculine chick. or at least i THOUGHT so until yesterday.

i was about to leave a rehearsal for a musical im in right now where i play the male lead (im a contralto so i have tenor/bass notes in my range) and the dude playing the supporting male lead (who i thought was just a good friend) catches me on my way out and is like "hey wanna get dinner some time?" and i just raise an eyebrow cuz i thought it was just a weird way he was asking to hang out. but then his face gets all red and he's like "im asking you on a date." and i was like. "dude. im...gay?" and he was like "me too!" and at this point i was like wtf and said "so why would you want to go on a date?" and the actual pure fear i saw on this mans face as it dawned on him that i was a lesbian and not another gay man will live on in my mind forever. we laughed it off and its fine now but like. ?????

im 5 foot 6 and have a very feminine name that ive NEVER heard a man have in my entire life and EVERYONE else in the show calls me by she/her....so how this guy made this mistake i will never know. oh my god. he's known me for almost 2 full months. i feel like i need to write lesbian on my forehead now. jesus christ. what the hell.

(if ur seeing this for the second time its cuz i accidentally posted it double and deleted it double so it had to be reposted 😭😭)

oh my god!! im 17 and have a mother with diagnosed NPD as well as BPD and some other related ailments. she has ruined my life in every possible facet. my relationship with my father is shit because he's so passive with her actions and barely speaks anymore. I have lost friends because my mom is so batshit. I have developed MDD, OCD, and excoriation disorder, and attempted suicide multiple times due to her actions.

i made a passing comment the other day in conversation with some friends about how i hate living with my mom; it was some thing like: "these people [people with NPD] actually suck the life out of you" or something.

a friend got really pissed at me saying this for some reason, and he was like: "you're generalizing the disorder and that's ableist. it's not the disorder, it's the person!"

i didn't wanna argue because we were out in public, but i was basically like "i'm not being ableist my mom is the way she is because of a disorder." and left it like that.

why is it ableist to call a disorder harmful to others when it IS. people with NPD can suck BALLS sometimes, and 99% of the time its because of the dumbass disorder. i don't get it! isn't it more "ableist" to assume someone with NPD and harmful tendencies is just shitty at their core instead of it being the LITERAL DISORDER THEY WERE DIAGNOSED WITH?

how do y'all deal with people like this? i swear its like virtue-signaling, "holier than thou" behavior without any actual substance behind it. i get that no one can understand what its like having an NPD parent unless they have one, but why cant i speak on my own personal experience being ABUSED without being called ableist? jesus h christ.

i'm new to this sub so idk if this is a weird ask, but i'm 17F and i read a lot of first person narratives to process my own emotions. i've been feeling really lonely lately due to some friend problems and bullying so i've really been searching for some books to pull me through lol.

best examples i can give are "open heaven" by seán hewitt, and "circe" by madeline miller which i read and adored because the heavy emphasis on the narrators' loneliness through their lives in that lovely, romantic prose just made me feel so understood– i am looking for anything similar to either of these books; preferably not romance-focused because i really am looking for lonely character studies more than anything and the romance kinda ruins that in my opinion.

i'm not looking for YA stuff like "perks of being a wallflower" or "looking for alaska" either; teen focus is fine and actually preferred, but i hate the inner monologue style where they use slang in the narration because it takes me right out of the story. also, this isn't a hard line for me, but i do prefer female narrators.

thanks for anyone who has any recs!

like two weeks ago an acquaintance walked up to me and asked about my prom plans, to which i was like "oh, nah, i'm not going." mind you i haven't gone to a single dance since freshman year and i'm a junior, so this isn't out of the blue or anything. she looked at me like i was insane and was like "what? why not?" or something, but the bell rang and my friend came up to me so i didn't answer her cause it was kinda just a passing conversation.

flash forward to today and a friend's boyfriend comes up to me and says "i don't think people would care." i'm like: "what?" because i have absolutely zero clue what he's talking about. turns out that acquaintance has been telling people i'm not going to prom because i'm afraid i'm gonna get made fun of. which is just not true; i literally just don't wanna go.

im a lesbian and sort of masculine so i guess she assumed its because people at our school would be homophobic? or something? but i don't give a fuck about that. why is me not going to prom something worth making conversation about in the first place, and why is it impossible to understand that i just dont want to go? i don't need some kind of reason for it. literally who wants to go be in a sweaty room with a bunch of horny teenagers grinding it out to ed sheeran anyways. i hate it here 😐