u/honeycat3366

scared for my girlfriend but she lives a state away, i don't know how to help

tw for discussion of suicide

my (21f) girlfriend (19f) has been struggling so much lately, and has had to call the suicide hotline at least twice in the past year. i've been trying to be there and support her as much as i can, but she currently lives a state away and there's only so much i can do over the text or phone. she's expressed suicidal thoughts recently and has been sending somewhat cryptic messages about loving me and being excited for my future, and also sent some to her friends, prompting them to worry. she's brushing me off but this is strange behavior for her after a day of not doing well at all. i feel like it's my fault because i was venting to her about heavy stuff today instead of checking in more on her mental health. i love her so so much but there's nothing i can do if she keeps denying stuff, but i just have an awful feeling and she's putting off spending time tonight (which i suggested because i thought it might help her after she was crying earlier)

i am in contact with her parents but they don't believe in mental health and would just get angry at her. i can't call the police for obvious reasons, her parents would get even more angry at her and it would make her home life worse. she doesn't have insurance to go to therapy or go inpatient, but she has been suicidal for awhile now.

i can't fathom the thought of something happening to her and idk if i'm just being paranoid but this isn't the first time this has happened so i think i have reason to be concerned. i've tried to show i care and show my worry but i don't know what else to do.

reddit.com
u/honeycat3366 — 11 hours ago
▲ 3 r/Advice

i'm scared for my girlfriend but she lives a state away, i don't know what to do

tw for discussion of suicide

my (21f) girlfriend (19f) has been struggling so much lately, and has had to call the suicide hotline at least twice in the past year. i've been trying to be there and support her as much as i can, but she currently lives a state away and there's only so much i can do over the text or phone. she's expressed suicidal thoughts recently and has been sending somewhat cryptic messages about loving me and being excited for my future, and also sent some to her friends, prompting them to worry. she's brushing me off but this is strange behavior for her after a day of not doing well at all. i feel like it's my fault because i was venting to her about heavy stuff today instead of checking in more on her mental health. i love her so so much but there's nothing i can do if she keeps denying stuff, but i just have an awful feeling and she's putting off spending time tonight (which i suggested because i thought it might help her after she was crying earlier)

i am in contact with her parents but they don't believe in mental health and would just get angry at her. i can't call the police for obvious reasons, her parents would get even more angry at her and it would make her home life worse. she doesn't have insurance to go to therapy or go inpatient, but she has been suicidal for awhile now.

i can't fathom the thought of something happening to her and idk if i'm just being paranoid but this isn't the first time this has happened so i think i have reason to be concerned. i've tried to show i care and show my worry but i don't know what else to do.

reddit.com
u/honeycat3366 — 11 hours ago

sometimes i wish i could be a child forever.

when life is really hard, i fantasize about dying and waking up again as a child. being with my papa again, before i understood how wrong the things he did were. it wouldn't matter, because i would never grow up. i want to feel his hands on mine again, cuddle in his lap, and feel so wholly loved and special. i want to be dumb and unaware again. i miss him a lot, but it's really painful to grapple with those "good" memories now. i think he's dead now. i cant really admit that out loud without crying, even for such an evil person who > ! even molested babies. ! <

i had such a scary dream last night.

reddit.com
u/honeycat3366 — 19 hours ago