u/dumbydaffodil

I have him blocked everywhere and this past week I saw he had followed me on Spotify and suddenly it felt like I was kicked in the stomach, on the verge of diarrhea.

We dated in 2016, broke up in December of 2017 after an explosive, drunken argument that I escalated in a toxic way, saying “I’ll just leave”, called myself an uber and left. Breaking up with him indirectly, but turned out to be the last straw for him, and became final.

I sobered up, realized I didn’t want it to be the end and did every type of groveling under the sun to make him come back. He settled on, “maybe we’ll try again someday”.

He got back with his ex from before me, and started a life with her so I eventually moved on after many years of grieving.

We still followed each other on insta throughout 2018 and he eventually unfollowed. I was devastated. I blocked him everywhere so I wouldn’t look.

One day in 2022 I see his name in “people who viewed your profile” on LinkedIn. I blocked him. Just a couple days ago, I look at my Spotify updates — he had followed me past week. I blocked him. Still leaves a tinge of weirdness every time I see his name. So many years wasted crying, so many chances for love I spent waiting.

Idk what it is, but it feels cruel to me every time he tries to interact at this point. We had an intense relationship, the most intense of my life, but he’s with someone and I think he’s throwing out lines because he’s bored.

10 years thooo, come on, find somebody new.

My boyfriend is from a traditional Balkan family and I’m from a dysfunctional southern American family. My mother died when I was 18, I’m no-contact with my father, have been for years. I have a couple aunts that I speak to here and there, but I live out of state and have for the past 11 years. Because of this, my communication style has shifted and I don’t talk to my family very often. They know how I am, they respect that I’m not a call often kind of person.

I’m beginning to feel like this is a problem for my boyfriend and his family since they are so tight-knit, that they want me to learn to adjust to their family system and be open. My boyfriend calls his dad every night after dinner and attempts to get me in on the conversation with his parents, and I just don’t really know what to say. They’re speaking their language half of the time, they have a different conversation style and it feels like I have to get in on his ritual in order to be seen as “being a part of the family”. I’ve tried to explain that I just don’t know what to say and I don’t even talk to my own people every day; it’s fine if you do, but it’s not my thing.

It feels like my position of being his soon-to-be fiancée is always under threat because I don’t adjust every thing about myself that will make his parents happy.

I don’t want to break up with him, I’d just like some advice about how to learn to be myself, as I am now, and get it across that I’m a grown woman with my own way of living my life. Right now it feels like I’m indebted because I’m marrying their son and my boyfriend just wants to keep his parents happy, even if it means following the status quo.