u/devilshelmet

Please hear me out before flaming me 😭? (I already get plenty of that 😂)

I’m mixed race 50% black (East African) and 50% white (Scandinavian) but I’m supposedly ~racially ambiguous (whatever that means). I grew up in Scandinavia so like 97% white ppl. I’ve always been quiet and shy and never really had any friends. In college there was a trend that people (white girls) would call each other the n word (full word) whenever someone was doing something stupid/ silly (like: “you’re being such a n right now”) and they’d also have talks about wanting mixed race babies because they “are cute” but they were scared they’d end up with babies that looked “too black” and not what they considered the cute mixed race baby. They’d do this right in front of my face on a regular basis. Being an outsider I was scared to say anything to the majority group, but I did actually end going to one of the teachers and did a whole talk about why I thought it was unpleasant in front of my class.. with the result that I was told I “couldn’t take a joke/ it was just a joke with no harm intended” (basically that I was a bit hysterical) even from the teacher and that they “had no idea I was black” (as if it wouldn’t have been f’ed thing to say even if I hadn’t been?) ✌️

This isn’t the first time this has happened in my life (far from it) once in middle school I went with a girl from my school to her parents campsite where there was a pool but her parents deadass told us “don’t go to the pool right now there’s n’s down there” I was so scared after that I called my mum and “code worded” to her that I wanted to be picked up right now because I was scared they’d be suspicious if I suddenly wanted to go home with no explanation (we were pretty far out in the country side and I was like 11 years old)

Anyway I could go on. Basically people can not place me racially even though I funnily enough take a lot of features from my African parent (I’m just very pale with relatively straight hair)

I’ve been mistaken for literally every race from Asian to Latina and faced racism that every group gets. I’ve never felt like I belong i really anywhere. I tried to go to an African hair dresser but she ridiculed me saying she didn’t do hair like mine and at community gatherings people have laughed about whether I’m “really my parent’s child” (know it’s a joke but it gets a bit old haha and yes my parent and I did those DNA tests for giggles and it confirmed that we are parent and child and my parent is 97% southeast African (tanzania) descent with a spinkle of middle east)

I’ve been told by racists to “go home to where I come from” but the times I’ve visited my parents town people stare at me and children touch my arms 😂 anyway thank you for reading and I’m sorry if my post is inappropriate here I respect that black women should have spaces to share without anyone imposing on them so I’m really sorry if that’s what I’m doing 🥺 (here’s a picture of me for context if that matters)

Little edit since it has been talked about:
I had DNA test taken one half of my DNA is mix of Kenya, Tanzania and Congo and the other half is Norway (also 1% Egypt which I assume is from my African parent)

Still not over that I managed to catch these shoes on vinted 😭🖤 literally had been pining for them for months but they never got restocked on koi

I mostly only wear black but I loove this shirt that I thrifted. I think the fade from red to black is so cool + I got to use my super bright eyeshadows 😍 4 dollars well spent

Im NOT a make up girlie so I tried asking Sephora to help me (even went back twice because they had originally picked an even darker shade and then I complained and they picked this color concealer for me instead) and I actually ended up wearing this shade for YEARS not questioning it 🫩 not going to call racism but as a “brown” girl in a majority white country I feel like they panic when I ask for help and just give me some dark shade

Now im trying to learn to do make up and I’m like is this really my shade…? Isn’t concealer supposed to help brighten areas that are discoloured/ dark patches/ red patches?? Now i feel like this makes me orange? :( this is Nars medium 1 (custard) on both sides of my arm which is the shade most of my body is and I want to match with my face (my face is a bit darker from sun, working on wearing sunscreen more)

The third picture it’s a bit hard to tell but under the nars spot (which is what it looks like after trying to rub it off 😂) is maybelline fit me 05 ivory which I picked myself from the drug store and I think is better but it’s still a bit too pink and I could use it be lighter to brighten up areas in my face instead of just making it the same colour as the rest of my skin. Also it’s very watery and doesn’t cover well. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what i could do? And am I insane for thinking Sephora is off with this choice for me?? Feel like I wasted so much money