u/cheesy_weasel

My MIL has a long history of not respecting boundaries and refusing to acknowledge fault. It feels like social media is used as a tool to punish us for not seeing them enough or doing what she wants.

A few years ago we moved to my partner’s hometown wanting family close when we started our own family. We immediately had issues with MIL not being happy with the amount we were seeing them, dropping by unannounced, guilt tripping us and being passive agressive. This has gone on for years.

I had my daughter via emergency c section. While I was still in hospital we privately sent photos to a few close family members telling them the news. MIL immediately posted the photos publicly on Facebook announcing the birth before we had shared it ourselves. Yes, she was excited. But it needed to be pointed out to her before she realized sharing this before us wasn't her place and she didn't apologize or admit fault.

Over time she posted more photos of our daughter online. We explained we were wary of having our daughters face on socials and asked her to check in with us before posting images. To her credit, she got better with this.

Postpartum was a challenge. MIL visited constantly, often bringing other family members with her. We wanted our daughter to have a close relationship with family so mostly rolled with it, but did say no a couple of times. When our daughter was around eight weeks old, MIL messaged my partner paragraphs accusing us of not giving her enough holds of the baby and accused us of not wanting to see them enough.

More recently, after my partner told MIL he wasn’t sure of our Father’s Day plans yet, she changed her Facebook profile picture to a cropped photo of our daughter’s face. When asked to remove it, she said it was an accident as her phone was playing up.

My partner eventually confronted her (which had been in the works for a while and definitely needed to come from him) and told her she repeatedly ignores boundaries and guilt trips us whenever she doesn’t get her way. He mentioned the social media being an example of this. She cried and yelled and boiled it down to “ never doing anything right”.

She now feels we are unfairly criticising her while we feel this has been a pattern of ignored boundaries with a weird element of weaponised social media.

AITA for confronting her?

*Edits- typos...

Whilst on maternity leave a couple of years ago, I was really excited to make a new mum friend. We hung out with the kids a few of times, and she was lovely and very normal.

Then came the Trump stories on Instagram. Gentle at first, comical Trump socks, which I told myself could go either way. But it soon became very clear that she was a supporter. I’d never met a Kiwi Trump supporter before this and would’ve thought those who do fit a particular demographic.

The only potential reason I could think of for her being a supporter is that she’s religious and quite conservative. In saying that, I am neither of those things and she was still happy to be my friend, so she’s clearly not too judgemental, which makes me feel guilty for judging her and her support of Trump. After seeing the posts, though, I let the friendship fizzle out.

I’ve been wondering: who are these people in NZ supporting Trump? Is it more common than I thought? And why? It worries me to think there may be more people in NZ supporting these kinds of politics than it seems to me with the circles I am a part of, and what the effects of that might be in coming years.

Also, no, she hasn’t posted anything NZ politics-related. Not even Winston Peters or David Seymour, which I would’ve thought was the bus stop you get off at before Trump.

I have a crater ( o ), but I'd rather have a slit ( l ).

I feel like at this time of year most New Zealanders are buried in feijoas. There can't be a staffroom in the country that does not have a slightly sad cardboard box of them sitting on the bench with “help yourself” scribbled on it. This must be the season we, as a nation, are at our most regular.

I have what appears to be a late fruiting tree. By the time mine are ready I have already sampled everyone else in my life's supply and the novelty is well and truly gone. The feijoas stop being a treat and start being a responsibility. Daily collecting becomes a chore, they get reluctantly added to smoothies, fruit flies move in and suddenly I am googling “what else can I do with feijoas” purely out of guilt.

Which brings me to an ongoing debate in my house. My neighbours have lemons. Every year my partner kicks off a trade by offering up some of our feijoas. Without fail, they later return the favour with lemons. It works out very nicely for us. We get lemons and our feijoa situation is less overwhelming.

But I can't shake the feeling that we are just offloading our problem onto them and they are politely accepting. At this point it has been going on for years, so it feels too late to ask. Equally, they are hardly going to admit it if they have been accepting them out of politeness this whole time.

Which brings me to my question. If you were in their position, and let’s be honest you probably are in some feijoa related way, would you actually want the feijoas or are we just participating in a very polite fruit based burden exchange?

Writing this at 4am while up with my newborn, wide awake not from caffeine, but from wrestling with the enigma that is the packaging design of Nescafé coffee sachets.

Am I the only one who finds them impossible to tear open? Genuinely, is it just a skill issue? Yes, I could just cut the tops off, but then why include a tear notch if it refuses to deliver a clean rip? One failed attempt and the powder gets dragged into the top, only to explode everywhere when you try to pour.

I know I could change brands, but these are the best tasting quick, low caffeine instant coffees that aren't too expensive. Moccona is terrible and don't get me started on Avalanche... I don't struggle to open those though.