u/ahdrielle

I've posted on this before, but I'd like some thoughts.

I'm 36F, and just a few months back, I was told by my therapist that I'm on the spectrum. I've been medicated for the ADHD for some years now, and that's pretty stable.

I have two 30s female friends that I'm really struggling with how to handle. We've been friends for 6-ish years. We used to hang out weekly, but now they barely want to at all. I tried communicating it last year that it made me sad, but I was kinda told "aw" then later "ok what do you want me to do about it?"

Since then, I've experienced major "planner of the group" burnout. This last month, I've been trying really hard to just let it be a text friendship. But they keep coming into the group text chat with "oh, we need to do this" and "this summer we gotta go do this" with zero intention of actually doing it.

This week, I made the mistake of trying to plan something. They actually said, "I'm in!" But when I texted about the finer details (we were gonna do something tonight together), I got fucking ghosted. They've talked since then but it was just... dropped.

I'm doing a little better with the idea that they're just not gonna wanna hang out much. But it feels really fucking rude to just disappear mid-plan making. We all work together, and I might be working super closely with one of them soon if they're hired onto my team, so it's not really wise to burn the bridges completely. But what should I do? How do you act?

They've shown me that communicating my feelings is not going to result in any form of change. They're content the way things are. But I am not.

Ty in advance.

This is technically a follow-up from a post on another sub, but this sub is the relevant one now.

So, I am mid-30F with a friend (maybe ex now). Who's also mid-30F. We've been buddies for 20 years now. I'll just name her Trisha. Met as teens at my first job. Quick besties. She moved to another state about...14-ish years ago.

Obviously, as life changes (she got two degrees, I got married and had children), communication fluctuated. Understandable. She lives far, too. She has a life, and I have a life. No problem. She's always been "no marriage, no kids" type, and I respect that. (Relevant later)

Ever since we met, she has been someone you can't disagree with. She gets pretty hostile. I understand that when i was younger, I wasn't the most tactical with my disagreeing. But *always* she will not be OK with you disagreeing. This is very relevant after a little more info.

Over the years that she has been out of town, and she has also had a few BFs. Again, it's totally normal. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But there has become a bit of a concerning trend.

The last 3, she has gone to another BF at an increasingly quick rate. Her last one was I guess not doing well for the last year and it ended about 1.5 months ago. Again, I can understand emotionally checking out before it's actually over.

But about a week and a half after he left (he moved out within days) she tells me she has someone from Discord that she's known for 'years' (I say it like that because the last BF was from a video game she also claimed to know for years but is an odd coincidence) coming to stay with her for a month. She likes him and wants to see where it goes.

Red flag #1. I tell her, "Okay, cool. Trial run. See what he's like in person." He immediately got her one of those stars charts. The "where our journey began" for the day she got him from the airport. So clearly, she did not mention they were going to immediately be a thing.

I didn't say anything at this point. Let her be happy. I thought. Surely they will just do long distance for a while or maybe he will move to her town/vice versa to go from there. Nope. She's moving him into her house in 2 months. So, I tried to gently say, "Hey, why doesn't he get a 6-month lease somewhere and just DATE for a bit to see if all is good first?" And I got back a "Why wait?"

Then she hits me with the idea that he wants kids, and so now she's considering it. She does not like kids. She's even experienced an unintentional loss at one point where I distinctly remember she mentioned her doctor said it means her body can't handle pregnancy. (She went to the doctor yesterday and said the opposite that it'll be fine.)

And now.. she's planning their wedding. Well, today, she mentions I'm making her sad because I am not as excited as her. I tell her that well, if the roles were reversed, you'd be concerned too. (She said she would not, but I know her well enough)

I finally had enough and said that I can't in good conscience be super excited because meeting once and talking online doesn't show you who a person is. I'll happily stuff it if all works out, and I'll be at the wedding with bells on if you still want me there. She said she would just keep all her excitement to herself now, and I have a feeling I won't hear from her for a long time, if at all. I don't feel like I said anything wrong, but maybe it is just time for that to be over, considering how we can't just disagree.

TL;DR: 2 decades of friendship probably over because my friend (who has never wanted marriage or children) is going to move in, marry, and possibly have kids with a dude from Discord and i can't rightfully pretend to be super happy about it.