u/WrittenByEff

I feel a lot of shame, deep shame around the kind of eldest sister I am.

I feel very burned out because I had to take on a sub-parent role when my father started working abroad when I was 15, and my brothers were around 7. During this time, a lot was expected of me, but I always struggled with household chores, so my parents have always painted me as a poor older sister. A poor example. I remember my mom always yelling at me about how I am not my brothers’ mother anytime I tried to protect them or guide them in a way that would reach them better. I remember standing up to my father and mother when they wanted to beat them or yell at them when they were very little. I’d get screamed at or hit instead. It made them very angry.

I remember doing a lot of very loving and caring things for my little brothers, but I do not believe they remember much. I believe they only see me as a troubled teen who made her mother cry because she ran away from home at 16. That I was a slut, which is why older men groomed me when I was a teen. That I have only caused my parents stress.

But nobody sees the stress my parents and being the eldest sister has caused me. I got told I will likely develop psoriatic arthritis in a couple of years, if not now. I had a scare a year back, but the doctor said I’m fine now, and maybe it won’t happen or return. My whole life, everything was about the diabetes my dad had because of genetics. But I can guarantee my autoimmune condition is largely the result of the pain and stress my parents put me through, and the resulting grooming and assault older men that used me when I was just 15–17 put me through.

At the end, I don’t believe my brothers will respect me much as we age. I believe they will see me as a tragedy, as only a daughter who stressed out her parents, as a poor older sister, and as a characterless woman because I plan to date instead of having an arranged marriage.

At the end of the day, I am alone in this world. And I always will be. Older Asian daughters are always alone, and hated.

I’ve recently started writing on Substack and really want it to become a career one day, but my writing, if found by my family, could endanger me too. I’m 26. 🫠 I’m 26.

Sometimes people read my writing and get sad for me, you know. And I’m always confused when I see those responses because I am not very sad when writing. But perhaps my soul is. Perhaps what’s inside, and what you can’t even tell exists, comes out between your words when you write.

I always wanted to be a good Baji. I always wanted my brothers to be like my own sons, so much so that I don’t ever want kids. But my brothers will never love me like I love them. And it’s just the truth.

And my culture will always label me a fucking whore. Just a whore. When I have so much depth. I have such a beautiful heart. I’m really precious.

I may always be alone, but I will always love me. I am at least my perfect Baji in my eyes.

And this is not about life without a romantic partner. This is about knowing you will never be seen for who you are. Your soul will never truly be witnessed by another because so much noise masks its existence. So I will always be alone in this life because nobody will ever see me. But perhaps that is the case for everyone.

Hi everyone,

I recently started a Substack blog and I am trying to figure out how to grow it through real readership, not bots or anything artificial.

The first couple of weeks went really well. I was getting around 20 subscribers a day, mostly from Substack Notes. But now my Notes barely get seen and growth has slowed down a lot, so I feel like I hit a wall and I am not sure why.

I am trying to understand the best way to market a culture niche blog like this on social media, and would really appreciate advice on:

- Which platforms are actually working right now for blog growth

- What kind of content converts best into subscribers

- How to turn writing into social content without it feeling forced or spammy

- Whether things like Reddit, TikTok, Instagram, etc. are worth prioritizing

I am also experimenting with a specific approach and would love insight on it. I have been creating creative profiles of indie musicians and social media creators within my writing. It fits really well with my niche, but I am not sure if it is actually a viable way to get those people to promote or share my work.

Has anyone tried something similar? Does this only really work once you already have a larger audience, or can it be effective early on as well?

I would also really value any recommendations for consultants or people who specialize in Substack or blog growth

I am genuinely willing to put in the work, I just want to make sure I am focusing on the right strategies instead of guessing.

Thanks in advance, especially for reading such a long post. Really appreciate it.

Soft spoken affirmations and calming reflections centered on self-love and brown skin of all shades.

Slow pacing, gentle voice, and a steady rhythm throughout.

Intended for relaxation and a quiet, soothing listening experience.

Part of an ongoing series titled Soft Letters to the Body, exploring different underrepresented features and personal insecurities through quiet, affirming audio.

Additional audio pieces and related writing are available for free on the same Substack page.

Very much welcome feedback! New to recording audios but super duper passionate about creating works like this.