Feeling like I don't belong as a 28 y.o. Orphan
I'm 28 and to keep it brief -
I was taken by CPS from my birth parents at 8-months old. Though their visitation rights didn't last long, all memories I have from that are mortifying. By age 8, I was getting a knock on the door by police to tell me that my dad died by drug induced suicide. I had been estranged from my birth mom since I was roughly around 10 years old until she died from throat cancer 2 days before my 27th birthday. I struggle so badly with feeling like I don't belong anywhere, and especially when I try to integrate myself into a partners family. I am so hyper-vigilant and can see and feel that because I'm not blood, I am automatically treated differently and I'm not villainizing anyone for this, because on one hand I do get it, but on the other, I am fighting everyday to keep going because I feel so lonely. My extended family isn't much and they're mostly absent as well. My partner has suggested adult adoption but I'm weary about that. I'm so angry at my parents for doing this to me and I am fearful for the future because day-to-day feels so bleak and I can't imagine it getting much darker and surviving it. Can anyone else relate? Any advice? Anyone gone through adult adoption? Thanks so much.