Every single interaction with someone ,who doesn’t suffer from severe cptsd and has barely any traumatic experience , feels like a constant trigger and confrontation of my own shitty life. I’m fucking done trying to act “happy” when i hear others have a good family , friends , good childhood.
Yes I call it situationshit cz it was really messy, lasted couple years . it was so comforting to hang out with him. We had amazing sex and he matched my depressive vibe a lot. I have been struggling with depression for a long time. And people don’t like being around me usually cz I’m negative( they can fuck off ofc). With him I felt like I don’t have to perform fake happy persona. I have tried to date after him but no one feels the same way and I’m an introvert. And dates complained that I’m too negative. We had a horrible break off. I said very mean things ,which I regret. I’m hyper fixated on him, I think about him every day. Yet I would never consider being in rs with him, same from his side.
I have had really bad experience with friendships. I don’t have any friends at this moment. In the past female friends used to befriend me and then bully me, isolate me, be in secret competition with me and fight for male attention.
I have learned their patterns now and try to avoid such women as soon as I notice them. But still struggle differentiating fake compliments and sneaky questions.
I tried having gay, bi, trans friends too. Well…the “gays” weren’t really gay gay. I’m always paranoid now when a male wants to be friends. I immediately question if they are just trying to get close just to get in bed with me.
I’m really done. I don’t know how to find genuine normal friends anymore.I have cptsd , it makes it even harder for me. Am I autistic maybe?
What’s the dumbest mbti you have ever talked to and was it a m/f?
Edit: this is not a serious question xd