u/Swimming_Bear_3082

Here in America we have Charleston, Savannah, New Orleans, and San Francisco.

In The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, one gets to Narnia through a wardrobe in Professor Kirke's house.

In Harry Potter, vanishing cabinets can be used to transport people or objects from place to place.

Many have already pointed out the obvious parallels between the four Pevensie children and the four founders of Hogwarts. Both books are set in Britain and feature magical elements, and I'm sure C.S. Lewis heavily influenced J.K. Rowling. Wouldn't it make perfect sense?

I was on threads and randomly got recommended a what looked like a Russian thread. I was curious what it was about and so I used the translate function and lo and behold it was Russian women talking about how unattractive Russian men are in comparison to Italian or Western European men. There was also talk about how even Turkish or Middle Eastern men were more masculine too.

I saw other Slavic women talk about how during their time in Europe, Slavic woman + European men couples far exceed Slavic men + European women couples. Seeing this I was struck by the similarities to what is being discussed among Asians and the Asian diaspora.

But there is a caveat in all of this. Slavic men are still white and can still coast by on their white look and attract women who fetishize or want these features. White worshiping Asian women will go for them regardless. Asian men however, are Asian possess Asian features and still have to contend with the forces of Eurocentric beauty. There’s nothing wrong with Asian features. What’s wrong is the racism that ensue for those who do possess Asian features.

I didn’t see Russian or Slavic women put down the white race as a whole though. There is that compared to Asian women writing off their own race.

So there are similarities but also differences. Anytime there is a large gap in the perception of women’s beauty vs men’s beauty of an ethnic group, these types of dynamics occur. Prime examples being Asian women, Slavic women, and even East African women where the women seek men outside of the community.

Take that with what you will.

For us it's probably Pulisic, Howard, Dempsey

For us it's probably Pulisic, Howard, Dempsey

So, I (65m) am the leader of a small, oil-rich country in the Middle East...for privacy, we'll call it the Union of Arab Emirs. We have the world's tallest building and a globally-renowned brand of pistachio chocolate, and we're probably going to host the World Cup sometime despite having not qualified since 1990. Nonetheless, my fat wife Salama (70f) still came fatly whining to me recently about my so-called "human rights violations" which I have committed in order to make my country so great. I tried explaining my side of the story, but in typical fat fashion, she began rabidly screaming that I was a "dictator" and "warmonger" before storming out. My phone is now blowing up with relatives trying to intervene.

So, here's the gist of it: in my country, migrant workers from India and other third-world dumps are subject to the kafala system, in which they are sponsored by local employers who can force them to stay indefinitely. We don't believe in woke liberal laziness here; the migrants have good, old fashioned 21-hour work days and live in very nice, but not luxurious, wooden shacks where six or seven of them share beds. Now, tell me: what right does Salama, as a local, have to tell others that they are being oppressed? Every single migrant worker I've met has said that they loved their life-granted, they'll be deported if they say anything else, but I'm sure they were being honest. Clearly she's the real racist, telling those poopjeets how they should feel about the privilege of working here.

Then there's also my buddy Hemedti (52m), who's the leader of a rebel group in Sudan, the Rapid Support Forces (RSF). Hemedti and I have a deal...I send him guns and drones, and he sends me that sweet, sweet Sudanese gold. Recently, woke, blue-haired liberal communists have been spreading lies on the internet about the RSF being genocidal Arab supremacists who slaughtered 60,000 people in the city of El Fasher alone. As someone who took a DNA test one time and found out that I'm 6.2% Sudanese, I am furious that foreigners are giving me fake news stories about my own country. My ancestors on my mom's dad's dad's mom's dad's side lived in Sudan for thousands of years, and yours for zero years. I can assure you, the Sudanese are fine.

And of course, there's the claim that I am somehow violating "freedom of speech." As we all know, freedom of speech consists entirely of the right to scream racial slurs at minorities and call for the execution of all immigrants, neither of which are infringed in the Union of Arab Emirs. Furthermore, those who I have thrown in prison for what they said were mostly autistic, trans, fat, 600-pound karens who fatly screamed about my "authoritarian rule" in public and fatly caused everyone to stop and stare. In fact, just last Thursday, an impossibly fat woman with a nose ring and blue hair came up to me in public and began fatly shrieking at the top of her lungs that I was "murdering those poor kids in Sudan and Yemen." I repetitively asked her to stop, but she only got louder and louder until babies were crying, children were fleeing in terror, and adults were filming. Finally, I did something I only do in my angriest moments-I yelled "Shut up, you twenty-ton land whale!" This only served to make her angrier, and she immediately tackled me and began punching me in the face repetitively. Finally, I got the courage to shove her off and kick her between the eyes. "Fatso!" I exclaimed. "I bet you use the Great Wall of China as a belt! I bet you pick your teeth with Phil and Gary Neville! I bet you have more chins than a Hong Kong phone book!" The crowd began cheering ecstatically watching her scream out in pain every time I landed a punch. As the police arrived and dragged her off, they all clapped.

So tell me Reddit, am I the Ibn Al-Ahira?

Earlier today, I was minding my own business and not hurting anyone when I saw something so horrible that I spent the whole afternoon crying.

There, on the gas pump, was a sticker of Trump pointing to the price bar and saying "I did that!"

Understandably, I was taken aback seeing woke leftist criminals slander a president who took a bullet for their liberty.

Every death in Iran and Lebanon is the fault of Satanic Islamo-Communists who worship Satan and read the Quran, the Communist Manifesto, and other liberal gobbledygook. Insinuating that our Dear Leader Donald John Trump is to blame is not only libel; it is an act of genocide against conservatives. Whoever did this must be publicly beheaded for treason, Nazism, and communism.

Naturally, I complained to the station owner, but he said the sticker was "free speech" or something else anti-American. This business is fully complicit in the flooding of the West with illegal Mexicans, Aethiopes, and Mahometans. Only Trump has the power to save the noble White race from its inevitable extinction; he is a based anti-colonial leader like Putin, Wilders, and Farage.

Later, I heard something even more vile.

I heard a group of teenagers speaking Spanish.

I am sick of dirty Mexicans invading my country to steal the penises of little boys and use them in Satanic rituals to raise taxes on billionaires. We need to deport Vivziepop immediately so she can stop making Has Been Hotel, Hell of a Bus, and other shows that brainwash you into being gay.

"Hey, you!" I exclaimed. "Stop persecuting those of pure, clean, Anglo-Saxon blood! You are exterminating the master race!"

"Excuse me?" replied one of them.

"If you're gonna speak that illegal alien rapist eating-cats-and-dogs black magic voodoo cant, go to Jamaica or some other third-world Mexican hellhole!"

"Relax, weón, we're legal..." said another.

I was so furious that I murdered my entire family right then and there before calling ICE to execute them. I went home, listened to Tom MacDonald, posted on Facebook, and thought about how angry I am at the fact that Somali barbarians are performing female genital mutilation on Iraq War veterans in communist gulags.

We brave, patriotic Trump supporters need to band together to defend ourselves from demon-worshipping liberals. Already 11 billion of us have been martyred in my hometown in the last month, and that number will only grow unless something is done immediately. If things continue as they currently are, our people will soon be rounded up and sent to concentration camps to be exterminated. Why is my Reddit feed constantly flooded with stories about fake genocides in Gaza, Xinjiang, and Sudan, but never about the one true genocide going on right here in America?

Furthermore, we need to enact strong hate speech laws to prevent people from slandering Trump the all-knowing, Trump the almighty, Trump the architect of the universe. Conservatives are by far the most persecuted minority in our nation's history, and thus making fun of us should be considered equal to saying the n-word. We need a conservative civil rights movement to stop blue-haired liberals with the pronouns Marxist/Leninist from stealing children's ballbags and non-White barbarians from replacing the Aryan race throughout the West.

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!!!

Like all small towns, my hometown has an urban legend. During the 1950s, President Eisenhower was terrified at the prospect of nuclear war, so he began constructing a massive underground railway that could transport the entire population of the west coast to Canada. As ridiculous as it seemed, it almost succeeded. Work began in Sonoma County, California, not far from San Francisco, and continued up to our sleepy little nook of Eastern Washington before the workers ran into...something. The different versions don't agree as to what it was-some say monsters, some say a group of people living in caves, and some say that they were just so unlucky that they believed a curse was at play-but whatever it was, it was so terrifying that many of them never went underground again.

One Saturday afternoon, I was so bored that I decided to do something I'd never done before-look through the local souvenir shop. No one ever went there except city slickers on road trips, but maybe I'd find a nice shirt or something. What I found was much, much cooler.

Folded up on one of the shelves was a piece of paper labelled "MAP TO THE EISENHOWER TUNNELS". I had heard the story many times before, but nobody seemed to know just where the entrance were located. I forked over four dollars and rushed home to unfold it on my bed. The map, which was yellow and looked like it was drawn in India ink, showed a part of the woods a two hours' walk away that almost never got visitors. It was difficult terrain, but I knew I had to check it out.

Early the next morning, I called my two best friends, Chloe and Maddie, to tell them about it. They both seemed thrilled at the prospect of uncovering something so mysterious, and we met up at Brewster Park at 9 AM. The Park, which consisted of a playground, a lake, and several hiking trails, had no clearly defined borders-it just kept on going and going until the trails disappeared and nature took over. No one went that far very often, except arrogant teenagers like us, for fear of being devoured by bears and wolves. It was a beautiful day-not a single cloud could be seen for miles, and a gentle breeze brushed through our hair. As we walked, however, tall, dark green pine trees began blotting out the sun, and the laughter of children was replaced by the chirps of birds. The ground was rocky and hilly, so much so that you'd be exhausted after a fifteen-minute hike. Twice we were nearly run over by bucks the size of small SUVs. I had always loved the woods-ever since I learned how to walk, one of my favorite pastimes was going on long hikes with my older brother Marcus. Today, however, I'll confess I was more than a little nervous. Deep inside, I hoped we'd find nothing-if the stories were true, there was something down there terrifying enough to scare grown men.

I thought it would take two hours to reach the place marked on the map, but in reality it was closer to three and a half, plus an extra 20 minutes to find the exact location. We finally came across a small, mold-covered shack with missing planks and the words "US GOVERNMENT PROPERTY: DO NOT ENTER" spraypainted in big red letters on the door. Bingo. Inside was a hole with no clear bottom and a rusty metal ladder. I wanted to turn back, but I knew my friends would argue, so I reluctantly followed them into the abyss. Chloe switched on the flashlight to reveal a perfectly round, clearly manmade tunnel with dust-covered train tracks on the ground. Drops of water ran down the sides, and workers' tools could be found littered all over the place. It was so quiet that our heartbeats sounded like thunder, and the echoes when we spoke were almost as loud as our actual voices.

"Damn, this is awesome!" said Maddie. I wanted to agree with her, but deep inside, I was more worried about running into a twenty-foot man-eating cyclops or something like that.

After about half an hour of exploring, however, my fears disappeared-we were finding literally nothing, not even a lost diary. It was so boring that within ten minutes, our conversations switched from urban legends to boys we liked. Eventually, we sat down to eat the lunch Maddie packed-cold ham sandwiches with Swiss cheese.

It was then that we finally saw something.

A tall, skinny shadow dashed across the tunnel in front of us, so quick that you'd miss it if you blinked for just a second. "Holy crap, what was that?" I exclaimed.

"What?" replied Chloe.

"Well...I don't know, but I saw something running over there!

"I saw it too." said Maddie. "I have no idea what it could've been."

"Well then, let's go check it out." replied Chloe. My heart was pounding like I had just finished a marathon.

As we tiptoed through the empty corridors, I thought I could hear footsteps-footsteps of something not human. They were much too short and loud, as if it was a person with hooves. I couldn't tell if there was a single creature running around in circles or a group of them.

Then, we saw ​it.

Staring directly at us was a five-foot creature with two skinny legs and no arms attached to its round, white head/body. It had tiny nostrils, no mouth, and sockets that held no visible eyes. We immediately started screaming, but it just stood there aimlessly as if there was nobody in sight. Eventually, our reactions shifted from terror to calm, cautious wonder. After about ten minutes, it walked off.

"What the heck was that? "I exclaimed.

"I don't know," replied Maddie, "but I don't think it could see us. It might rely more on hearing and smelling."

"I say we get out of here." said Chloe.

"I'm with her." I replied.

"Me three." said Maddie. "Let's try to retrace our steps."

But as we'd soon find, it's difficult to retrace your steps when every pathway looks the same. After a good twenty minutes of searching, we had to sit down to discuss what to do. Chloe started tearing up. "It's alright." I said, putting my arm around her shoulder. "I'm sure we're gonna find a way out. We can't be stuck in here forever." I wasn't sure if any of what I was saying was true, but I needed to cheer her up somehow.

Another of the white things walked up to us. This time, we didn't scream-we just stared at it in awe. Though it couldn't see, I think it sensed we were there, maybe through hearing our breathing. We knew it meant us no harm. Perhaps it was even trying to guide us out. A second one approached and stood next to it, followed by what can only be described as a big red floating eye with a tail.

"Do you think we should kill some of these things for food?" asked Chloe.

"I don't know." replied Maddie. "I think that they know we're here, and they​ don't care-would it really be right to hurt them?"

"They've gotta have some kind of food and water source of their own." I added. "Let's look around-if it takes us hours and hours to find something, we can talk about killing them."

We got up and again began wandering the dark tunnels. A whole host of weird creatures passed by-more white things and eyes with tails, foot-long pillbugs, ​three-foot lizard men, giant eyes with angel wings, and little furry humanoids to name just a few-but none of them seemed to care about us. After a while, my fear was replaced by a strange feeling of serenity, like I was discovering something beautiful and natural.

....Aaaaand then Maddie let out a scream. I looked down and found her at the bottom of an eight-foot pit with a six-foot opening.

"Oh my God, Maddie!" I exclaimed. "Are you okay?"

"I...I think..." she replied. "But I don't know how I'm gonna get out..." The walls of the pit were completely smooth and impossible to climb.

"Do you have a rope or anything?" Chloe asked me.

"No." I replied. "If we can't find our way out and get help, she might be stuck down there forever."

"Hey, guys," said Maddie, "It looks like there's another tunnel down here. As long as we're lost and probably stranded, do you wanna check it out? It could be an exit."

"I guess we might as well." replied Chloe. "We're gonna die either way."

We jumped into the pit and followed Maddie into a cavern barely high enough to walk upright. The walls, which appeared to be natural, were made of solid limestone, and not a single sign of life could be seen or heard. Eventually, it got so narrow that we had to squat. Pretty soon we were crawling. At last, we reached a chamber where we could stand up and found Ra, Horus, Zeus, and a variety of other deities I didn't recognize painted on the wall and looking toward some kind of glowing ball in the sky. A prayer was inscribed next to them in four alphabets-hieroglyphics, Hebrew, English, and one made up of circles and swirls:

Oh child of auspicious nature,

Though who doth sit on the celestial throne,

Grant us a fraction of thy wisdom,

Oh child of auspicious nature,

Destroyer of the impurities of the mind,

Grant us a fraction of thy knowledge,

Oh child of auspicious nature,

Though who hath seen our before and our after,

Grant us a fraction of thy power

Someone else had been down there. Someone who belonged to a cult.

We stood there for a few minutes, admiring the mural and catching our breath. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a spear flew towards me and landed just a few inches from my feet. A man with extremely pale skin, wild, unkempt body hair, and no clothes but a goatskin loincloth emerged from one of the tunnels and barked something angry to us in an unidentifiable language. We screamed and immediately began running down another tunnel, dodging rocks he shot from his sling. For the first time in my life, I legitimately felt like I was going to die. I began thinking about how my brother and my parents would feel when I didn't come home that night. How long would it take the search party to just give up and decide that there was no way we could still be alive? How would everyone we knew cope with their loss? And most disturbingly, what if someone went looking for us and found the tunnels?

After about 20 minutes, we finally lost him. My heart felt like it was going to explode right then and there. Maddie spewed vomit all over the chamber, and Chloe dropped down on the floor. "I...I...I think I need a few minutes..." she sputtered. I sat down against the rocky wall and closed my eyes.

Just as we thought we were safe, we heard it.

Someone with a deep, guttural voice let out a melodic chant several times in a row. Maddie, who's a total language nerd, was later able to transcribe it into IPA:

ħɑwɾɪk mʃɪjjɑ fnɐwɨ nʊʒdəd qɑχteːn nrʃiːk χnɑdnojo ʃwɛːjɪk ɣnðɑːd qɑmiʃiːlja ʁʊʒdəd brθɑːɲɪw ħndɑŋɪ ʒnɑdnojo

"I don't even want to find out what that's supposed to be." I said.

"Well, we might have to." replied Chloe. "It sounds like they're coming this way. We better get the heck out."

We got up and ran down another tunnel before reaching something. Something horrifying.

There in front of us was a wooden altar with colorfully painted angels, pagan gods, and hieroglyphics carved on the façade. On top lied the naked corpse of a boy about our age with his throat slit and dried blood all over his body. The ground was scattered with goats, chickens, and foxes killed in the same way.

A sacrificial altar.

It took me a few minutes to recognize the boy-it was Dylan, a friend of ours who had disappeared six months before. He was an avid mountain biker, and most of us assumed he'd gotten in an accident.

"Holup" said Maddie, grabbing his shorts from the ground. "If I know one thing about Dylan, it's that he never left home unarmed." She pulled a handgun out of the pocket. Just as we were about to run, a heavy stone door came down over the tunnel, and another one opened on the other side. Out marched a group of men with completely pale faces, long beards, brown robes, and eyes that looked like they were being torn wide open. Their leader, curiously, wore a plait shirt and jeans and looked like he could be an accountant in any American city.

I heard some kind of weird voice in my head, almost like I was having a dream in broad daylight. "I know why you're here, Amelia." it said. "I've seen every thought you've ever had, every emotion you've ever felt, and every care you've ever cared. I, too, was in your place so many years ago. Your friends are weak inside, but you-you possess the very qualities we desire. Join us. While these two will be sacrificed to the Child of Auspicious Nature, you will achieve greatness." It took me a minute to realize that the leader was communicating with me telepathically.

Maddie grabbed the gun and shot two of the cultists, but they held out spears and ran toward us. In a haste, I opened my handbag and pulled out hairspray and matches. I held the spray behind the match and launched a massive wave of fire at them, burning several of them to death. The three of us squeezed past the flames and began running down the tunnel. Hopefully this would lead us out. It probably wouldn't, but this wasn't the time for probably.

A few cultists chased us, hurling obscenities and prayers. Maddie kept shooting, but most of her shots missed. All we could do was run. We ran until our heels felt like they had nails in them. We ran until our lungs were like uninflated balloons. No matter how tired we got, our terror was greater. Soon, a gentle breeze ran through my hair-I thought it was my imagination at first, but it just kept getting stronger and stronger. We were heading towards an exit. We just needed to hope we'd make it in time.

Finally, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel. Without even bothering to look, we jumped off the cliff and into the Columbia River below. We were tired, terrified, and hungry, but at least we were finally safe. I promised myself I would never again go looking through urban legend locations, much less bring my friends.

It was already pitch dark by the time we made it to the small town of Kennewick. The police gave us a ride home, and I told my parents we'd been at a party, gotten drunk, and driven through the middle of nowhere so I wouldn't have to explain what had actually happened. To my surprise, I only got a scolding and two days without screen time. It's been three weeks since then, but not a day has passed without me thinking about what we saw down there. I am confused, curious, and amazed, but most of all scared. Scared someone else will try to find the tunnels themself. Scared the cult will kidnap more people to sacrifice. Scared because now I know that there are forces out there beyond what we understand-forces of pure evil.

If you take any moral from this story, it's that when you hear an urban legend, never try to dig deeper. Ignorance is bliss, as the Cliché goes.

The way I see it, monarchs live in massive, historic houses, travel the world, and own incredible riches while their poorest citizens beg for food on the streets. I've always found it hypocritical that right-wingers claim immigrants live off tax money and never have to work despite simping for people whom that description actually fits. Think of how many British people could be fed and housed if the royal family's assets were seized in redistributed. Furthermore, why should you get a palace as a reward for having the right bloodline, but not for paving streets, growing food, teaching children, or doing anything else that keeps society running? Why do the people who do the least get the most?

I think in general politician's salaries should be lowered to prevent them from becoming power-hungry, but at least in a republic they do something to earn it (something that they were elected to do, mind you). I'd also like to make it clear that I don't support violence against any royal families, and I believe they should be abolished through referendum.

Between 1966 and 1967, hundreds of people in the small town of Point Pleasant, West Virginia, reported seeing not only a man with wings and glowing eyes but also UFOs, men in black, and a variety of unexplained phenomena. There are cryptids all over the world, but it's unheard of for one to be spotted this many times in one random, specific place, then disappear forever.

Let's look at the "reasonable" theories:

-It was a bird: I have read multiple interviews with witnesses, and each one vehemently denies this. Some are even offended that it's still being suggested.

-It was a prank: so how'd they get it to fly more than 100 mph, as it was said to be able to do?

-Every witness was lying: really, every single one? Because there are hundreds, most of them respectable members of society. I am unaware of any who have publically recanted.

-They were hallucinating: there is no known hallucinogen that can makes people see the same specific thing, and certainly not multiple people at once.

-It was mass hysteria: this is probably the most likely theory, but I'm not aware of any case of mass hysteria quite this extreme. Most seem to be merely people adopting irrational behaviors or believing things without evidence, not seeing a freaking monster.

The way I see it, there's just no explanation that makes as much sense as "it's something outside our current understanding of the world". I offer no theory as to what it was, but I don't think skeptics are looking in the right direction.

Earlier this month I accidentally sat on my computer while it was lying on my bed and cracked the screen. I wanted to get a new one, but I'm a broke biology major who can't even afford an apartment yet, so I instead took it to a little repair shop on the outskirts of town. The owner, a balding Turkish man with a potbelly, seemed nice enough, and he assured me that the whole thing would be good as new within three days.

As soon as I got it back, I plopped down on my bed and prepared to lose myself in internetland for a few hours. As soon as I logged on, however, I immediately knew something was up. The wallpaper was a picture I didn't remember taking-It was a random teenage girl at a theme park uncomfortably posing with an actor in a bull costume. I had no idea where it came from, but I was sure it had been put there deliberately. The first thing I checked was my email, but for some reason, I was logged in as some strange account that certainly wasn't mine. I couldn't help but look through some of their messages-they were written in a bizarre alphabet that looked Indian and sent from people with names like Hermes Trismegistus, Cernunnos, and Abd Al-Dhalam. When I tried logging in with my own account, Gmail told me that it didn't exist, even though it still worked perfectly fine on my phone.

YouTube wasn't much better-when I searched for every channel I watched, I only got random videos with nonsense titles and fewer than 1,000 views. I decided to click on one of them entitled "Saturn when quintessence German Horus resilient with zodiac" and found a group of soldiers surrounding a tied-up man and holding large guns.

"Let this be a message to all who all who call themselves our enemies." said one of them, who had a strange accent I didn't recognize. "We will hunt you down and find you in whatever god-forsaken cranny of the Earth you may hide in. None are safe from the wrath of the Golden Path." He held his gun up to the man's head and fired, leaving nothing but a bloody, unrecognizable clump of brain matter.

"What in the actual heck?" I thought to myself. There was no way the algorithm would allow this.

Another one of the soldiers grabbed a second tied-up man, who was mumbling something unintelligible, and tossed him on the ground. "Get down, vermin!" he exclaimed. The first soldier put his gun to his head and killed him in an equally graphic fashion. I changed the video to one called "Victorious Nestorian soon run messenger under time aether".

"Welcome back to "Keep Your Head Up!" said a friendly-looking man in a suit and tie. "I'm your host, Alastor Grealish, and these are your contestants for tonight!"

The screen switched to a terrified man chained to a brick wall with some kind of slicer in front of his neck. "From Schenectady, New York, he's got a six-pack, a 600 grand salary, and at least sixty problems he's scared to talk about with his therapist-give it up for (name)!"

Next came a tall, skinny woman with red hair. "From San Antonio, Texas, she has a passion for medieval history, although I just may have to yell "off with her head!" if she fails tonight-let's have a round of applause for (name)!"

Lastly came a bald, elderly African-American man. "From Little Rock, Arkansas, he's been on God's green earth 82 long years, and we'd better hope he spent them learning useless trivia...it's (name)! As you all know, each of our contestants will be given a series of questions on various topics; should they get them wrong, their heads will promptly be chopped off. The last one alive wins the game. Let's begin-in Egyptian mythology, who is the first of the gods and the father of Shu and Tefnut?"

"R...R...Ra?" sputtered the red-haired woman, clearly terrified.

"I'm sorry, but the correct answer is Atum." replied the host. The slicer came down on the woman's neck, and her head fell to the floor.

"Aaaaand...that's enough for now." I thought to myself, closing the tab.

I logged onto Reddit, hoping things would get more normal. Spoiler alert: they didn't. For starters, r/AskReddit was filled with questions like "What are some demons I can summon to kill my brother?", "What is the best way to prepare a little girl's flesh?", and "What is your favorite animal to torture?", each one receiving completely unironic answers. some subs, such as r/HolUp and r/thomastheplankengine, featured nonsense posts with images that looked like something straight out of the Voynich Manuscript, while others, like r/insanepeoplefacebook and r/todayilearned, were used for fetish porn. I'm not even going to go into what I saw on r/copypasta.

I checked my phone, and all three websites seemed to be working as usual. When my computer was in the repair shop, something happened to connect it to what appears to be an evil alternate version of the internet. It's sitting on my desk as we speak-I desperately need your advice on what I should do.