u/Suckmysocks_

I’m currently going through a really painful and confusing situation with someone I deeply love. We are both polyamorous and married to our respective partners, and we were together for about 9 months. This was also his first real polyamorous relationship/experience.

Over the course of the relationship, he mentioned multiple times that he struggled with not knowing how to carry or balance everything emotionally. At the time, he thought maybe he just needed to adjust to polyamory and get used to this new way of living and loving.

Our connection became very intense and emotionally important to both of us. A few days before ending things, he reassured me that he wanted to make our relationship work and that talking together had helped him feel more hopeful about how to manage everything. Then very suddenly, he ended the relationship because he felt overwhelmed and unable to balance:

- his relationship with me,
- his relationship with his wife,
- and taking care of himself.

At first it felt impulsive and confusing to me because the emotional connection and love between us clearly hadn’t disappeared. Since the breakup last week we’ve been barely talking, we’re having contact maybe once every few days and trying to understand what happened.

What has become clearer is that he doesn’t feel capable of being a “full partner” to two people at the same time (at this point in his life). He’s realizing he has strong people-pleasing tendencies and difficulty understanding and communicating his own needs and limits before becoming overwhelmed. He wants to go back to therapy and work on that.

What makes this especially hard is that neither of us actually wants to lose the connection. He has told me he still loves me, misses me, thinks about me, and does not see this as necessarily the end of our romantic or intimate connection forever. But he also feels that the specific intensity and structure our relationship had was not sustainable for him.

So right now we are in a very unclear in-between space:

- not together
- but also not emotionally disconnected or fully “over.”

We are trying to figure out whether there is another form of romantic relationship that could exist between us that feels healthier and more sustainable for both of us.

At the same time, I’m trying to understand my own needs and boundaries too:

- what kind of relationship I actually need,
- whether a less intense version would still make me happy,
- and how to navigate loving someone while also protecting my own emotional wellbeing.

It’s been emotionally exhausting because there is still so much love, grief, hope, uncertainty, and attachment all happening at once.

Has anyone been through something similar?

I’m currently going through a really painful and confusing situation with someone I deeply love. We are both polyamorous and married to our respective partners, and we were together for about 9 months. This was also his first real polyamorous relationship/experience.

Over the course of the relationship, he mentioned multiple times that he struggled with not knowing how to carry or balance everything emotionally. At the time, he thought maybe he just needed to adjust to polyamory and get used to this new way of living and loving.

Our connection became very intense and emotionally important to both of us. A few days before ending things, he reassured me that he wanted to make our relationship work and that talking together had helped him feel more hopeful about how to manage everything. Then very suddenly, he ended the relationship because he felt overwhelmed and unable to balance:

- his relationship with me,
- his relationship with his wife,
- and taking care of himself.

At first it felt impulsive and confusing to me because the emotional connection and love between us clearly hadn’t disappeared. Since the breakup last week we’ve been barely talking, we’re having contact maybe once every few days and trying to understand what happened.

What has become clearer is that he doesn’t feel capable of being a “full partner” to two people at the same time (at this point in his life). He’s realizing he has strong people-pleasing tendencies and difficulty understanding and communicating his own needs and limits before becoming overwhelmed. He wants to go back to therapy and work on that.

What makes this especially hard is that neither of us actually wants to lose the connection. He has told me he still loves me, misses me, thinks about me, and does not see this as necessarily the end of our romantic or intimate connection forever. But he also feels that the specific intensity and structure our relationship had was not sustainable for him.

So right now we are in a very unclear in-between space:

- not together
- but also not emotionally disconnected or fully “over.”

We are trying to figure out whether there is another form of romantic relationship that could exist between us that feels healthier and more sustainable for both of us.

At the same time, I’m trying to understand my own needs and boundaries too:

- what kind of relationship I actually need,
- whether a less intense version would still make me happy,
- and how to navigate loving someone while also protecting my own emotional wellbeing.

It’s been emotionally exhausting because there is still so much love, grief, hope, uncertainty, and attachment all happening at once.

Has anybody been through something similar?

I’m currently going through a really painful and confusing situation with someone I deeply love. We are both polyamorous and married to our respective partners, and we were together for about 9 months. This was also his first real polyamorous relationship/experience.

Over the course of the relationship, he mentioned multiple times that he struggled with not knowing how to carry or balance everything emotionally. At the time, he thought maybe he just needed to adjust to polyamory and get used to this new way of living and loving.

Our connection became very intense and emotionally important to both of us. A few days before ending things, he reassured me that he wanted to make our relationship work and that talking together had helped him feel more hopeful about how to manage everything. Then very suddenly, he ended the relationship because he felt overwhelmed and unable to balance:

- his relationship with me,
- his relationship with his wife,
- and taking care of himself.

At first it felt impulsive and confusing to me because the emotional connection and love between us clearly hadn’t disappeared. Since the breakup last week we’ve been barely talking, we’re having contact maybe once every few days and trying to understand what happened.

What has become clearer is that he doesn’t feel capable of being a “full partner” to two people at the same time (at this point in his life). He’s realizing he has strong people-pleasing tendencies and difficulty understanding and communicating his own needs and limits before becoming overwhelmed. He wants to go back to therapy and work on that.

What makes this especially hard is that neither of us actually wants to lose the connection. He has told me he still loves me, misses me, thinks about me, and does not see this as necessarily the end of our romantic or intimate connection forever. But he also feels that the specific intensity and structure our relationship had was not sustainable for him.

So right now we are in a very unclear in-between space:

- not together
- but also not emotionally disconnected or fully “over.”

We are trying to figure out whether there is another form of romantic relationship that could exist between us that feels healthier and more sustainable for both of us.

At the same time, I’m trying to understand my own needs and boundaries too:

- what kind of relationship I actually need,
- whether a less intense version would still make me happy,
- and how to navigate loving someone while also protecting my own emotional wellbeing.

It’s been emotionally exhausting because there is still so much love, grief, hope, uncertainty, and attachment all happening at once.

Has anyone been through something similar??