u/Shoddy-Ad-2689

Long story short, I've been a victim of csa many times but when I was 8 years old, my then landlord stalked me until he violated me. I had no understanding of what was happening, and only in my early teens did it click in my head what happened. I only know this man's first name, that he was also a math teacher at my elementary school and the vaguest idea of what he looked like. This has haunted me ever since, and I feel like my word isn't good enough evidence. So even if he could be identified, I'd look like a liar or something. Not to mention I'd be terrified to ever face him again. It makes me wanna cry thinking about how many others have just gotten away with things like this and live free lives.

Me(F20) and my BF(M22) are long distance and have been together over a year, we've been together in person twice since then, but I miss him unbearably much as he's my FP. I get so envious of couples our age reaching milestones together that it makes me physically ill. It's been especially bad the past few days and I've not been taking my meds. Living like this is a nightmare and sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, but once again he's my FP and I truly love him so much. I couldn't live without him. I don't know how to manage this anger and jealousy.

I know it's wrong on my part, but I've become bitter and jealous seeing others our age reaching milestones (engagement/marriage/children). I miss him so incredibly much and I can't stand seeing others have what I yearn for. I'm not sure how to deal with these feelings as trying to shut others out doesn't seem to help. I get so jealous it makes me physically ill.