u/Robot-Ducky

Omg so this year has been a bad one. I got an iud (kyleena) last march. I’ve been having no periods, then periods, and then nothing for a whole year. I think it’s only getting worse.

I’ve also been having mood swings again. Like bad ones. I am not a confrontational or irrational person and I flat out cursed a dude out twice. (He deserved it, but that’s still not me).

Now this month it’s the cystic acne. Before I went with the iud I was on norethindrone for years and it worked really well, no periods, no mood swings, no acne. Most importantly no ovarian cysts. I have been having what I suspect are ovarian pains this month, too. I am sooo terrified I will have another ovarian cyst rupture. They were bad before. My former gyn suggested the iud, and I will hate her with my whole hole soul for having me change birth controls.

I’m about a week away from my period, it’s going terribly. I have tried to find a gyn, can’t get in for 4 months!!!

Is there anything I can do to regulate myself til I can get my appointment with a doctor? I really don’t know what to do. I’m 39, btw. If that helps.

Got my veggies all chopped and in a pan. I used garlic, w-sauce (please don’t make me spell it), some balsamic and avocado oil with some citrus salt. Why? I have no idea. I am more of a dump it in person.

But what do yall do?

Also, do we shuck corn or leave it whole and grill?

Update:
the veggies were AMAZING. Dude I am always marinating my mushrooms from now on.

I ended up grilling the corn in husk and then shucking and adding butter and tajin. Yuuuuuummmy.

Happy grilling my people!!!!!

(Warning, I’m about to talk about trauma)
I have been diagnosed for a year, but I’ve had these problems for a long time.

Now I am getting more and more sensitive to activators (one of the therapists at my iop doesn’t use “triggers” as a word because he worked with military ptsd survivors, and I want to be careful).

It’s like everything activates me. I get fight or flight an I run. Last month I could listen to recovery stories that included SA. I can’t do it anymore. My group therapy (for addiction) started talking about being careful at the club because of being drugged and I had to walk out.

From the what I know, my trauma was being exposed to 9orn at 12 and being sa’d by an older girl around 6-7. I also have extensive religious trauma from being g raised in a cult.

I use alcohol as an escape. I’m trying to get sober. My other escape is maladaptive daydreaming. It’s gotten so bad that every time I let my mind wander into a daydream I have flashbacks. And the nightmares are so bad.

I have been trying to find an emdr therapist who knows about addiction for months. It’s one fence in front of the other. I am in trauma therapy, in addiction counseling, and have a second addiction therapist at iop. They all say emdr. I attempted it 3 years ago, and I relapsed after 14 months. She was a religious therapist who was a pastor, so that went horribly. No breaks, no containment exercises.

I am scared and I am think I will drink myself to death before this ends. It’s all the time.

I really feel like I would benefit from a female (also lgbtqia+) safe space flair.

I’m saying that we have different experiences, and unfortunately the patriarchy doesn’t disappear once you press that pomo button.

It’s not even that it’s problematic. It’s that male-teaching oriented shit. Some of you men seem like you are giving a talk when you post. Building a sermon. Preparing a rebuttal or a part on the meeting when you comment. And I get that’s a part of who you are trained to be. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s who you are. And it also doesn’t always feel inclusive.

Just a flair. A way to mark a post that I don’t need male interpretations for. And maybe I am just externalizing my discomfort and lack of trust. But that’s also ok, and I don’t think I’m the only one that feels this sometimes. Am I?

This is not an attack. But I’m not going to apologize for asking for a little grace coming out of a suppressive religion that took my autonomy for 39 years and told me my experiences of the world were second class at best.

Like have you done it with worchestershire, Dijon, and butter.

The only things in this list I am sure will make a good steak is w-sauce and butter.

It is also a cheap ass cut of steak, gifted, so I want it to taste good.

This one’s bad.

I have bipolar 2. All my life I have been more depressive than manic. This time it’s been since December. I’m not coming out of it.

Most days I can function, barely. Some times I stay in bed whole days just maladaptive daydreaming to avoid feeling anything. I’m an alcoholic as well and I’ve relapsed more than I can say. I barely do anything but sit and knit or crochet. I sometimes make it to iop and rarely have the motivation to do DoorDash.

I have not been able to hold down a job in 11 years. I’m in the process of going back to school, finding a job, finding an apartment. I want to actually live life. But I’m not sure I can.

I really thought my meds were working, to be fair I’ve been much worse. Now I have actual helpful mental health experts in my corner. And I finally realized I am in an episode, and that my depression is unmanageable with meds. I just got that genetic testing today. Hopefully we can find something.

I am losing it.

Has anyone been able to come out of this with the genetic testing to find meds that work and then actually changed their lives? Cause I would like to work, make a difference. Be independent.

So is rumplestiltken the real bad guy in this series? Just a yes or no would be nice.

I’m genuinely asking, because before I woke up, I really did try to study the Bible. On my own.

I went through the gospels. Did the study bible. Did the references and the wol. Then I did the apostles writings. And I studied. And studied. And realized that Paul was an absolute ass. Couldn’t get away from it. And he contradicted Jesus so much. And everyone i told that Paul was an arrogant ass treated me like I was saying something scandalous. But he was.

I’ve read that some witnesses were discouraged from Bible study, but that was not the case in my hall or circuit.

So how many of yall really did the study? And tried to reconcile the differences?

Sorry. Paul is not real. But if he was, he was an apostate and a freaking prick.

WE ARE ALL NOT AT THE TUESDAY NIGHT MEETING!!!! (And if you’re midweek is Wednesday or Thursday rhis is a preemptive good job to you!!)

Isn’t it great?!

And I am watching Evil. A supernatural show. And god has not smote me.

I do have a splinter for 3 days, but I don’t think that’s gods Holy Spirit smiting me.

Listen. I just want 1 (one) truth that I can prove false from “their” own Bible or literature. Simple, succinct. One line.

Because some people are pissing me off and I want to end their world in one sentence.

I am a mad black woman right now and I will burn the world down as I exit.

Thank you very much.

Edit to say:
I’m not trying to change minds. It’s a literal mic drop moment I’m looking g for. That’s all.

My mom’s bff brought me herbs (including lavender which I HATE because it’s my mils favorite and the shit is everywhere), she put them in my porch with a card. It said something along the lines of “I know that you are going through something and I’m sorry I can’t help you, but j hovah will help you” blah blah barf. I was feeling a little salty that particular day, so I texted back and said “I dont know why everyone thinks I’m going through something? I’m actually doing really well, living my life and working on my sobriety”. I swear the answer bubbles were up and down for like 5 minutes. She must have retyped it a lot. In the end she just said she was happy for me.

As I am making a move to leave my husband soon my life is actually better, I feel bad but he is not supportive, and damned if I don’t deserve support and unconditional love. These were concepts that last year I would never have considered. I know I cannot maintain sobriety with a man who’s still on his mommas tit.

I made the decision to leave after mil came over while I was trying to do my online trauma therapy, and she decided to stick around to fold his clothes on the couch. I flipped the fuck out in her. Guess what the husband said? I can’t tell her not to come over whenever she wants because it’s her house. That’s when I decided. I’m done.

I’m gonna miss my garden. Fuck. Oh well. I will not miss anyone else. My mom and I are back to normal, she has even told me to leave.

And no, being a jw does not prepare you for real life. They tell you to let the man make all the decisions and let him handle the money and then you wind up with no skills. Except you can make a mean pot roast.