u/Prize-Woodpecker5241

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Rant:

I hate it so much. There’s so many things in life I will never have or never do because my brain is so messed up. There’s things I’ll never be able to experience and it hurts. I’m just destined to a life of misery and inconsistency. I just want to give up. I don’t believe I am one of those people with bipolar who will live a “normal” life. Nothing I’ve tried has worked and I’m done trying. I’m so tired of this. I can barely take care of myself (hygiene, food, cleaning). Both of my previous partners have cheated on me. No one wants to be around me. No one cares or understands. People think I’m not trying hard enough. People get annoyed at me for the way I am which I cannot change. I just want to live alone, secluded in the forest with no one to bother me and no one to make me feel bad for being mentally ill. Normal people don’t like mentally ill people. I’ll never be normal. I seriously want to be off this earth but I have so much guilt for my family if I did. I wish I didn’t have family. I wish I could have a different life.

Not in an ED way but more appetite, forgetting, and just not having the energy or mindset to sit down and consume a meal or even the desire to eat something.

I wish I didn’t have to eat to function. It feels like such a chore. For context I’m in a mixed episode after a month+ long depressive episode.

Eating just seems like way too much right now. My tummy hurts and I know I should eat but I almost cry when I go into the kitchen and open the cupboard. Idk why. My mind just feels so scattered and food doesn’t seem necessary for some reason.

Anyone else?

I’ve never seen myself as a truly angry person. My anger is definitely episodic. I forget how angry I can get when I haven’t felt rage in a while. I’m so ashamed of it.

Does anyone else have anger as a symptom of any mood state? Do some of you not even get angry at all while having BP2?

I would rather be depressed than be in this mixed state I’m in right now. It’s literally hell. I keep yelling and swearing at my family. I keep throwing things and breaking things. I NEVER do this. I hate it. I hate myself for being this way. I wish I could off myself so people didn’t have to be around me when I’m so awful. I wish my family knew how much I want to die because of what they have to put up with. I want them to know I don’t intentionally be this way. I act and say things before I even get a chance to think about it first. Everything makes me mad. EVERYTHING!

I miss euphoric hypomania, and I actually miss depression. I wish I was bed rotting with no energy instead of having all of this angry energy.

I’ve had these sensations since I first came to Christ (last year in June) and always thought it was the Holy Spirit. I never experience goosebumps unless it’s something spiritual. Every time I pray and pour my heart out to the Lord I get waves of goosebumps flutter through my body and I’ve always taken it as a sign I’m surrounded by the Holy Spirit. I love this feeling. It makes me feel close to Him. I love Jesus 💗

I have been depressed most of April and the beginning of May. I’m on day 3 of my period and I’m starting to show clear hypomanic symptoms. They have been building over the past week or so (extra talkative mainly) and my depression was bad recently as well due to my period. I’m so confused if this elevation is being caused by my period (sudden hormonal shifts) doing something in my brain and mixing with my bipolar or just the bipolar. I’m wondering if I could possibly have PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) as well as BP.

Any one able to shed some light on this or share their experiences? 💗

I’ve been in a depressed episode for a little over a month. I have 4 appointments next week (a haircut Tuesday, meeting my new therapist and new GP on Thursday in 2 seperate appointments with different offices they aren’t affiliated, then meeting a social worker on Friday) and my mind is racing with thoughts of how the appointments will go and a million other things too.

I know in my head I have a big week ahead of me and I always mentally prepare myself (idk if this is a BP or social anxiety thing or just me) and I’m feeling very wired right now. My thoughts are racing and I keep talking to my family about anything and everything. Increased talkativeness is a sign of hypomania for me. I’m not sure I’m the stress of the coming week is getting to me and starting a hypomanic episode or not. I’ll see how this week plays out.

Does anyone here get triggered into hypomania due to upcoming events and stressing about them?

I’ve been in a depressed episode for a little over a month. I have 4 appointments next week (a haircut Tuesday, meeting my new therapist and new GP on Thursday in 2 seperate appointments with different offices they aren’t affiliated, then meeting a social worker on Friday) and my mind is racing with thoughts of how the appointments will go and a million other things too.

I know in my head I have a big week ahead of me and I always mentally prepare myself (idk if this is a BP or social anxiety thing or just me) and I’m feeling very wired right now. My thoughts are racing and I keep talking to my family about anything and everything. Increased talkativeness is a sign of hypomania for me. I’m not sure I’m the stress of the coming week is getting to me and starting a hypomanic episode or not. I’ll see how this week plays out.

Does anyone here get triggered into hypomania due to upcoming events and stressing about them?

Me 23F, him 29M

We were friends with benefits from November last year to January this year. I wanted to be celibate this year and just friends and told him that but I ended up staying with him and we slept together in January. I haven’t seen him since. He said he’s okay just being friends but last time we were just meant to be friends but had sex. I gave in last time, he also knew I was celibate but still tried to get me to sleep with him and I caved.

He’s invited me to stay so many times and I genuinely do want to be friends but I can’t tell if he’s hoping I’ll go stay with him and cave like I did last time. I’ve turned him down a lot and said I’d be keen to just hang out and do day trips.

Is he just trying to get in my pants again even tho I’ve said I’m celibate or will it be different this time? I think I already know the answer but have a hard time believing he just wants to have sex and he doesn’t actually care about our friendship.

I had another guy friend 26M who was FWB to begin with then I told him I’m celibate and just wanna be friends. This guy respected it a lot more than 29M but he still tried to initiate.

Am I being stupid for thinking guys can stop seeing me as FWB?

Edit: he’s asked me to stay over 4 times in 2 weeks & my reason for celibacy is I’m now a Christian and yup I know I’m playing with fire. Please help me with what to say to him to end this “friendship”

I just finished this movie. I felt like I just watched my future unfold in front of me on my laptop screen. I had NO IDEA there was mention of bipolar in it (not bipolar themed but it’s about a mother who had bipolar and committed suicide and the dad and kids go to her funeral, good movie if you’re interested).

There were some similarities I could see between me and the bipolar mother. I was reminded of my ex and our relationship all throughout the movie.

First of all, the way the parents chose to raise their kids was exactly how my ex and I wanted to raise our kids (I wasn’t completely sure if I wanted kids but if I did I’d raise them this way) - out in the forest, away from society, no technology, hunter/gatherers, homesteading, free thinkers, different views on society and governments etc. She was unwell out there and went to a facility for treatment closer to her parents in the city and ended up committing suicide in the hospital. This was what I was afraid of if my ex and I lived this way. I was scared even if I lived the way my heart desired, I’d never escape my bipolar and eventually kill myself.

Secondly, SHE HAD THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME and she died a day before the last day I ever saw my ex! Like wow. I usually read way too far into things and think they could be signs and what not but I’m stable enough now not to take this as far as I usually would.

Okay, now I think about it I think that was all the main similarities BUT this movie was so familiar to me and honestly looked like how I pictured my future with my ex. I still would want a future like that but not with my ex and obviously more stable and maybe not have kids coz I don’t want them to inherit my illness or live in this world.

It was a great movie 🍿

I feel like my depression gets in the way of my understanding, focus, and determination to be a better Christian. The hopelessness and wish to not be on this earth is still there. I can’t figure out if I’m not trying hard enough to be delivered from mental illness or if it’s even possible. I know I sound like I’m doubting His power through lack of faith but I just hate life and struggle to function day to day.

It’s the beginning of mushroom season where I live and I’m wanting to try micro dosing psilocybin. This has led me to do research and read peoples experiences (full on trips and also just micro doing). From stories I’ve read and heard it sounds so close to bipolar episodes but our brains do it autonomously, no drugs needed.

I’ve heard that you should try to be in a good mental head space before your trip because a bad/low mood can make the trip a bad experience and a good mood can make the trip better and more spiritual/euphoric.

I’ve never tried a psychedelic before but these stories seem so similar to what it’s like to a have bipolar episode. It also makes me see bipolar in a whole new light, like how extraordinary is it that our brains do this without drugs and how dangerous and scary that must be. It’s like having a psychedelic trip without our consent. I always find it so hard to believe that there are people out there who have no idea what it’s like to be bipolar and l never experience life another way. I’m afraid I’ll never escape the shit my brain does to me on a daily basis.

I’ve had so much trouble with relationships and friendships and it doesn’t surprise me coz the way I experience life is so unwell and crazy lol no wonder why my life is so up and down it’s because my mind is so up and down.

Wow. I often do this and think about my bipolar diagnosis coz it still feels unbelievable to me. I still haven’t quite grasped the idea that I have a mental illness. It’s been almost a year since my diagnosis. I’m not even sure if I have BP1 or 2. Always thought it was 2 coz I’ve never heard voices but I’m starting to think my thoughts are on the psychotic side. I’m so unaware at times of how unwell I am coz I’m so used to it.

I haven’t worked in almost a year, this is the longest time I’ve been off work since I first started working at 18 (I’m 23 now).

I honestly don’t think I’m ready to return to work but I feel so useless and disappointed in myself and I feel so judged for being on an unemployment benefit. I’m also very broke and that doesn’t help my outlook on life. I don’t even think I’d be able to keep a job but I’d like to hear some suggestions of jobs that I might be able to do while struggling with bipolar & social anxiety.

I don’t want to work from home as I will struggle with motivation and I feel like I need to get out more (even tho I struggle to even go get groceries due to anxiety). I don’t want to work around people especially in a customer facing roll due to social anxiety. I don’t want to work night shift coz I’m afraid it will ruin my sleep routine and trigger an episode. I have no qualifications but I did finish high school. I don’t have a car. So yeah pretty limited in what I can do and that makes me feel even worse. I’m also in a pretty consistent low mood which doesn’t help with my will to live 🤣 and anhedonia is constant too.

How the heck am I meant to function like a normal person when I’m not normal anyway? How do y’all do it?