This phase of my life feels like something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Not even on him. Okay maybe a little on him.
This phase of my life feels like something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Not even on him. Okay maybe a little on him.
Me and my guy are doctors. We were together for four years. Four full years of growing up, messing up, surviving med school, sharing notes, food, stress, and everything in between. I was all in. The kind of all in where your life slowly starts revolving around one person without you even noticing. During internship, we even moved in together .It felt permanent(atleast to me)
He was always the smarter one. The “sorted” one. The one people expected to do well. And I leaned on that. I genuinely believe I wouldn’t have passed Pathology without him. But somehow, somewhere, I became the one holding everything together.
I did a lot for him. And I don’t mean in a dramatic way. Just… quietly, constantly. I left my childhood best friend who is a gay btw, because he was insecure. I stopped talking to people. My world became smaller and smaller until it was basically just him. I wrote journals for him, filled his logbooks, bought Marrow because he couldn’t afford it. Spent my parents’ money like I was funding his comfort.
When he had a panic attack in final year, I took him to counseling and paid for it. He couldn’t study, so I somehow gathered myself and started teaching him. Made notes. Sat with him. Cooked for him because he couldn’t tolerate the hostel food. At that point I was basically girlfriend plus unpaid therapist plus part-time cook plus academic support system.
(Love really makes you do unpaid internships you never signed up for.) During internship, I wanted him to crack NEET PG so badly. I took on extra duties, his best friend helped too. And in the middle of all that, he got frustrated and accused me of cheating on him. With his same best friend. I remember crying and apologizing. For something I didn’t even do. But I still apologized, just to keep us from breaking.
INI-MAY came. He got around 60k. I, with almost no proper prep, got 20k. That somehow became another problem. He started saying that I must have randomly marked all answers as “A” and somehow landed that rank. And not just once. He said it multiple times, in front of his friends, like it was a joke everyone could laugh at. I brushed it off, acted like it didn’t matter, like I wasn’t hurt. But it sat quietly somewhere inside me. Because deep down, I knew I hadn’t just guessed my way there. I knew what it took, even in the middle of everything I was juggling.
I still stayed. He bought multiple subscriptions, and I paid for most of them because he had to send money home. I even took a non-academic JRship to keep things running. Those 3 months I was basically his caregiver :laundry utensils, cooking, emotional support and what not.He would cry at night over his GT scores, and I would sit there holding him together, even when my own life was quietly falling apart in between everything.
Somewhere in all this, I started falling apart. Panic attacks started. Tried to hold myself together while everything felt like it was slipping.
Then NEET happened. He got 1.2k. I got 28k. I was shattered.
I asked him to maybe take a job so I could study properly for INI November. He said he wanted to try again. But I knew he wouldn't because he always wanted to take up Surgery in a state GMC. And of course I adjusted again. I kept working, kept pushing.In INI- November, I got 7k. Not great, but I know I have more in me. I just never really got the space to prove it.
Also, small detail, my mom is a divorcee and I didn’t want to burden her. So I just carried everything like a strong independent clown.
After those results, I had a really bad panic attack. He was at home post Diwali. When I told him, he said I was overreacting. That one sentence did more damage than all the exams combined.
I ended up taking 5-6 A**** tabs that night and knocked out for almost 18 hours. When I woke up, something in me knew this wasn’t okay anymore. I went back to my mom. Told her everything. Started getting real help.
She told me to leave him.
But I loved him. So I didn’t. Obviously.
We took a “break”. Which in hindsight just means one person is still emotionally invested and the other is slowly exiting.
On my birthday in December, he came to surprise me before joining residency. Proposed in this vague, unofficial way that still felt real enough for me to believe in us again. And I said yes. Because of course I did.
After he joined, things changed. Calls became shorter. Conversations felt forced. He sounded irritated a lot. I told myself he’s just busy. Residency is hard. Don’t be clingy. Don’t be “that” girlfriend. So I stayed quiet.
During Valentine’s week this year, I did something impulsive. I went to surprise him. He looked happy. Or at least I think he did. We went out, and in the middle of the date, he just left saying he had work. Looking back, that should have been my sign. Not even a red flag. A full red billboard.
A few days later, a junior told me he was dating an intern. I asked him, trying to stay calm, trying to give him a chance to explain. He said yes. Just like that. Said he was done with me. Said I wasn’t serious about my career. Said he couldn’t be with someone like me who is not serious.
And then, the final line. His family would never accept a girl whose mother is a divorcee. Four years. That’s what it came down to.
20th February 2026. 9:46 pm.
I didn’t scream. I didn’t beg. I just cut the call.
And for the first time in a long time, I chose myself.