u/OwlDefiant3467

I don't know where to start, but I can start off my current situation and go backwards through phases I've been through and tell you what sadly DIDN'T work for me, as of now I'm at this point that I'm realising it's not even as much about boredom or suddent impulses as it was before, now it's more about that I can't embrace the fact that I won't ever see porn, it's like I'm not ready to cut if off and I've been telling myself I'm ready many times, I have good relationship with my internet girlfriend, she's really mature and understanding about this issue, like I keep it honest with her and I'm glad she's there for me, but I feel like novelty is such a huge component to the addiction, like we weren't meant to see this many naked bodies and after being exposed to thousands and thousands of pictures and videos with naked people, it just feels impossible to let it go; one of my fetishes is foot fetish and it's been like this since I was 13 and it didn't change, the thing with porn we never go back to the same videos or photos, surely there can be exceptions when we really like certain porn start or model, but the thing is we just want something new and going noporn really limits it, it's difficult to just to say no to it when you have free access to all of it, so at this point it's me struggling with feeling of wanting something new. Before that as I said I thought if I fixed boredom it would help, and it's true to some degree, it's definitely a big component in addiction, but I learned how to get through it especially when it's noon and I have nothing to do, like I became more aware of my boredom and learned to notice when I masturbate just of boredom, another thing that I thought would help me was shame, like when I was consuming weird porn and I felt disgusted after it and ashamed with myself, but it only came afterwards and that's pretty much it, the next time I was horny I didn't think it's shameful to fap to this type of porn, so yeah it didn't help me. I'm writing this after streak of 9 days, of no porn and I failed due to a reason I said in the first comment, it's like I'm still not ready to be the person who doesn't consume any of it, like cutting it all feels I don't know? scary? as if wasted opportunity? I don't know how to describe this feeling, but it's so difficult to let go and I know I should for my girlfriend and for the future me; to men who's been in such situation what was the last straw that made you quit for good? Cuz I feel like I'm so close having been through all the stages and I feel like I just need more courage