u/OritheGoose

Hey,

So I live in north end and where I am AuDHD and work fully remote, I don't get out much and I'm super sick of the noise from both sides and living opposite a car auto shop.

I am 36, I don't have many friends offline and I just want peace and quiet.

My house mate is likely to get a job offer at my place soon but sadly he wants to stay in Portsmouth. We are best friends and have a lot of history and own two cats. So we want to stay as a unit.

Our current rent is £1300 pm.

Where in this city is quiet and away from people? Preferably a semi detached to rent. General areas where there are places to walk in nature and away from screaming council estate shitheads that I'm sick and tired of listening to. (Seriously, I had to hear two 12 year olds shouting the N word next to my bedroom non stop with paper thin walls yesterday). I don't get much sleep in this house, the council won't do anything.

If my friend gets this job we will have full freedom of remote working and both earning about 28k a year with no travel costs.

Where can we go that's just away from the depressing cesspit of this city without actually moving too far away from friends etc?

So I'm going through kind of a hard time the last 1.5 years. I've had a relentless amount of grief condensed into a short time, and every possible thing you can imagine has happened. Gut wrenching breakup with a self loathing avoidant, moving house, death of friends, loss of jobs, health crisis, and parental betrayal, I lost my entire family and I'm mostly alone. I've had an immense amount of tragedy in my life and pain for someone who is wholesome, good and loving.

I recently opened my heart to someone again and he pushed me away. Another avoidant and I'm so exhausted. I'm a ray of sunshine and all of this pain is testing me. I just got diagnosed with ADHD and autism too, and this music is speaking to and soothing my soul right now.

I heard "Is it really you?" yesterday on Spotify DJ and it's like the flood gates opened. I cried out what felt like every feeling since I was born.

I had to listen to more, so I spent the night listening to most the collection and my god, Gethsemane, Drag Me Under, Even in Arcadia, Past Self, The Apparition are my favourites so far.

I can't say I've had music find me during a bad time before and make me feel this way. Like... Ever.

I've heard of ST before, but I'm glad I found them now. This music is honestly soul medicine for me right now in the depths of darkness. ❤️

I'll try not to make this too long but I'm AuDHD and almost exclusively prefer LDR because of just how I am. I also don't like men from my country at all. I'm popular, get chased by guys a lot irl and online. However, it's rare for me to get interested because of a heartbreak in 2024 and a significant amount of trauma to work through after a growth period following my breakup. I am no longer a people pleaser and my standards/self esteem is high now. I like secure men and most of those who are into me are anxious and codependent.

Recently, I met a guy on a game I play online. He was intentional, courteous, calling most days and the connection we shared was incredible and he "woke up" my heart again. It was painfully obvious he had feelings for me, it was a grounded slow burn connection, nothing spicy, and we were so aligned. He told our mutual friend/bro he liked me but "didn't wanna be a creep". I know something massive about him that he hasn't told me yet. He has a disabled and sick child with an ex, and I understand/respect why he has not told me yet. His life is a bit of a mess and I think he feels inadequate compared to me.

However, 2 weeks ago he said "life stuff came up" and he kind of just shut down and his energy switched up. He started playing a game solo for about 1.5 weeks and stopped talking to me and was silent to most people too.

I confessed a week ago that I really like him, but he pushed me away. He didn't confirm or deny any feelings. Just said he didn't want to disappoint me because he's about to work 18 hour days in construction all summer, "has other things to attend to" and told me "not to have feelings too much". He then mentioned "I can always catch up with my friends on my phone"

I didn't respond to the friend comment. I figured he was feeling overwhelmed and can't show up for me right now, so he's lowering the pressure.

This is a very grounded and lone wolf type of suspected neurodivergent man who was being very squishy and vulnerable with me when he's a masculine builder type of guy, and he was hinting at visiting me one day etc etc. No love bombing. It was extremely slow but obvious. He seemed to look up to me a lot because I've done a lot of work on myself.

I've decided to just focus on myself all summer and stay in no contact and let him reach out when he's ready. He was online on the game yesterday and he asked in public chat if anyone wants to join him in a call even tho it was just me and our other friend... So I think he was testing the waters.

Am I doing the right thing here? I feel like if he pushed me away due to not feeling good enough then it's his job to build himself back up. I really like him and I think it's worth "soft waiting" for.

Hey, so I've been single for over a year after a really bad breakup. I'm quite anxious/avoidant and don't like "chasing" out of fear of coming across as needy.

I met a guy on a game about a month ago, and he was similar to me and choosing to be alone after a bad time. At first he was quite braggy and acting like a lad joking about how "hot" he is, but his guard slowly came down and he started messaging and calling me outside the game and being a lot more squishy and comfortable and holding on to my every word. I was the first person he called from his car when some shit hit the fan and he had to move in with a friend. I gave him a quote and he literally wrote it down and put it on his dashboard because it meant so much to him. He also called me instantly when I told him I got diagnosed with autism, even tho it was like 5am his time.

We would call and yap for hours, I would have to tell him to get off the phone and get his moving sorted, he said he was smiling like an idiot at his phone talking to me. He was mirroring my energy, instant replies, if I sent voice memos so would he, and he would send me videos of beautiful places and hint that it's a short drive from him etc. He would be super intentional in the game we played and due to the time difference, he would literally only play with his bros after I went to bed, always giving me stuff, helping me etc. Very attentive.

He went quiet during his move but then he came back about 3 days later and it escalated into actual flirting, and he would say stuff like holding hands in the snow would be an amazing adventure, and that I "sparkle", and he bets I sparkle even more in the rain that he loves. Also said that seeing me "isn't impossible" and that he is open to travelling and he was being extremely sweet and mentioned future dates in autumn and winter. He kept talking about his dream apartment he wants in the autumn, and it matches my idea of a dream apartment too. We shared a lot of love for the same things and we align in our mindset.

Our connection has been very "slow burn" and I think we are both guarded/shy. He told me a weird thing a couple weeks ago that his new female roommate "might like him a bit" and that she was "jealous because he was calling out someone's name in his sleep". I didn't rise to it, I thought it was a weird thing to tell me. He was vague when I asked who's name it was, he changed the story to "I was talking about the game we play it means nothing to her"

However, since Friday, his energy changed up and it's making me feel hurt. I was in his discord server with my roommate (who is also an ex from years ago but honestly it's pure sibling energy), yapping and laughing away and he came in and started being overly helpful to my roommate in the game, eventually he went silent, cancelled our gaming plans for the evening and he's kinda treated me differently ever since.

I came online yesterday and he INSTANTLY messaged me "hey girl heeeey" and then stopped talking. We were alone in VC for a bit and it felt awkward and he was hyper focusing on something else, he's barely been messaging me at all and it's making me feel like he's lost interest. I stopped initiating because I don't like chasing after people when they pull away.

I've been focusing on myself this week, but one of his bros still checks in with me every day and sometimes asks me to join their calls. I'm not sure if he knows anything.

I am thinking next week after taking some space, should I just tell him I really like him? He's about to start a gruelling 18 hour day summer job in construction and I'm not sure we will be able to talk much at all.

I always worry that once a guy "has" me, that they just stop making effort and I'm worried that's what has happened here. It seems like a wild switch up from Thursday and I'm not sure what happened.