u/Ok-Ninja-2794

I forgot to pay my credit card bill this month… again 😭

And the thing is, I know I’m not dumb (well that’s questionable lol) I can understand really complex stuff, go down deep rabbit holes, all of that. But then I’ll just… completely miss basic life things like this.

It’s so frustrating because it makes me feel dumb even though I know I’m not?? Like how can I understand complicated concepts but not remember to pay a bill on time. I legit get anxiety and I’m not even anxious lol

I even thought about it at some point this month too, like “oh I need to do that,” and then my brain just… never circled back to it.

Now I’m sitting here feeling guilty and annoyed at myself over something that seems so simple for other people. Like why is basic adulting harder than literally learning complicated things 😭

Idk, just needed to vent because this feeling sucks. I know I’m capable, but moments like this really mess with my confidence.

[Will likely delete this later lol]

I met someone this morning in a setting I absolutely did not expect.

I work in a hospital where they sometimes host these trainings that are, if I’m being honest, partly educational and partly a way for leadership to showcase the caliber of physicians they bring in. Today, one of the presenters was a 38-year-old surgeon from Rhode Island. His talk was solid, he’s freaking SMART, an oncologist at that, but what stood out more was what happened after.

He ended up sitting next to me, and we started talking. And then… we just kept talking. It felt effortless in a way that caught me off guard. I didn’t feel the need to fill space, I didn’t feel bored for even a second, and I didn’t feel like I had to “perform” socially.

We talked about everything honestly…random things like astrophysics, his hobbies, how much I love flowers… just normal things. But it didn’t feel small or forced. We just talked.

He’s clearly very intelligent…tons of years of training, more than me lol…but what stood out was how he engaged. He asked thoughtful questions, especially about my research and some of the articles I’ve published, and it didn’t feel surface-level. He actually understood what I was talking about, which is rare.

And yes, he’s also very handsome. He’s Caucasian, taller than 6 feet, with light brown hair and hazel eyes…and I’m NOT exaggerating when I say his eyes are THE most beautiful I’ve ever seen. Literally. It almost felt unfair that someone could check that many boxes lol he won the genetic lottery. Life is unfair like that haha

I’ll be honest about myself too…I’m average looking. What I bring is that I’m intelligent, I’m curious, and I’m very social. I can hold a conversation, I connect easily with people, and I genuinely enjoy learning about others. I think that’s part of why this stood out to me…it didn’t feel like I had to try. I was just being myself, and that was enough 😩 I didn’t have to dumb myself down.

We were sitting through this training from 7 AM to 12 PM (so… five hours), and at some point he ordered us my favorite cookies without me even asking. It was such a small thing, but it was soooo thoughtful.

At one point, the hospital director came over and (somewhat theatrically) told him he’d have a job here anytime he wanted….and then introduced us… even though we had already introduced ourselves, which was kind of funny. He said he wouldn’t mind leaving Rhode Island.

We kept talking after that, and I learned a bit more about him. He’s never been married, doesn’t have kids, and has a golden retriever (the color of my cocker spaniel Teddy) named Moose, which honestly made him even more likable. There was something very grounded about him despite how accomplished he is. He showed me a photo of his family at Christmas. His parents are gorgeous. I told him my dad does not speak English (we are Mexican) and he said his Spanish was passable! Lol when he was showing me the photo of his parents, there was a text message that popped up from his mom that said “good luck today ___. We love you” and that was the sweetest thing ever!!!!! No hiding text msgs, no hiding notifications. Just genuinely him. Nothing like my ex.

Here’s the part I’m trying to make sense of: I literally just got out of a relationship - LIKE LITERALLY - where I found out everything was a lie and found out soooo many crazy things. So I’m in that weird space where I’m still processing.

I’m not someone who gets easily impressed, but this interaction…this person…stuck with me more than I expected.

My question is: is it even worth exploring something new this soon????

What’s a concept in astrophysics that we use confidently but still don’t fundamentally understand? For me it’s dark energy. It’s one of those things where the evidence is really strong observationally, but conceptually it still feels like we’re just naming the effect instead of understanding the cause. The fact that it dominates the energy density of the universe and we still don’t know what it actually is is kind of wild.