good afternoon, if any of you would like to have a conversation, just to see how it goes. I feel like I am always in danger but when I have someone its easier to cope ( and I have no one).
who I am searching for - someone with cptsd , audhd or autism and also with an anxious attachment style.
I don't know if I live in a fantasy world, but I feel like, when there is genuine interest between 2 aspie women (friendship were both like each other), and they both don't have mental illnesses (like NPD or BPD), they are less likely to betray each other (sleep with your man)?
Is this a fantasy or are we just more reliable?
Do you have experience with long term aspie friendship? Has betrayal happened or jealousy?
If you can help me figure this out I will be so grateful... no psychologist could help.
We stopped talking pretty much 5 years ago, but I still have this annoying "I judge you but I am not going to say anything" face Infront of me every day
It's driving me nuts.
A few important factors before and if you decide to give me advice:
* In the imaginery conversations I have... She comes to me with her boyfriend (or any male) and asks me for help while I say no. And then she starts to act sad and anxious and her boyfriend gives me a judging face. And they basically make me feel like a bad person for not being responsive to her, the angel that never tried to hurt anyone. In my mind she enjoys the fact that she looks angelic untouchable now in contrast to the "cold, negative" me.
This has happened before. I am a very open person and if I don't like someone or something I say a simple no or I explain what off. I guess I can be a bit too forward at times but I prefer some truth. My "friend" was the opposite. She would never say anything until she would explode. Always mentioning how she thinks everyone is better than her and how she sees the best in everyone... just writing this gives me the ick because one time she said also: I am such a good manipulator.
I am pretty sure she uses her niceness as a tool. Basically , if she does something bad, she can start crying and instantly she is not the perpetrator, she is the victim. And you have to go calm her or you are a bad person.
I DOUBT an anxious sad hamster angel Jesus whatever the hell she tries to play says "I am a good manipulator".
I really really doubt it.
She also used to say that she never experiences any anger, jealousy, and always is very supportive of everyone....in contrast I can say that I do get angry. And now Infront of whatever male she brings with her I do not look as nice anymore (or more so, she becomes even nicer and respected to him).
* I have autism and adhd alongside other conditions and she would not believe my symptoms. So in my imaginery conversations I try to explain to her why I sometimes talk so much (she would be annoyed at it, and I think she would assign it to me being selfish and a bad person) or why I do XYZ.... And ofc it's a forever loop because she dismisses all of it, even in my imagination. I cannot win.
* Whenever I act nice Infront of my boyfriend AND feminine, or nice Infront of anyone really, I feel like she is judging me (her presence in my head). It's strange but basically in contrast to her, after all these years, I feel like a evil rude manly scum bag.... Thats what her friends or her actions made me feel like. And so when I am acting nice I have that image of her judging face pop up, like she is telling me she doesn't believe me I am like that.
I am glad I have ended the friendship but I don't know if I can let this go and what needs to be done. Anyone have experience?