After 10 years of marriage, I’ve separated from my husband and moved into a new apartment to live on my own. We decided to separate in November 2025 but I only moved to my new place 3 weeks ago. During the last 2 years of my marriage, I struggled with depression. Although I sought help through medication and therapy, it never fully went away. At the time, I couldn't even pinpoint why I was so unhappy in my marriage.
When we separated, we decided we could both date. I went on dates with three people, but none of them led anywhere. Then, I met a guy for my fourth "first date." He was here in Hong Kong on a business trip from Italy. I knew from the start he was only here for a short time. My goal was simply to get my mind off another guy I’d been seeing and, honestly, I was craving intimacy since it had been so long—even during my marriage.
I thought, “If I like him, we’ll have some fun and then he’ll leave. Easy peasy.” But when we met, the chemistry and the conversation were incredible. We spent 2 days together, and it was the best sex of my life—hands down. The sexual chemistry was something I never even experienced even with my husband. He was passionate and told me multiple times that he liked me and that he travels to Asia frequently. Deep down, I started getting attached.
We kept messaging every day after he went back to Italy. He shared his day and sent photos, but the communication remained very surface-level. Eventually, I asked him what he wanted from this. He told me that long-distance is too difficult, and while our chemistry was amazing, he "won't get anything clear" from his side. He suggested we stay friends for now. I agreed to clear the air, thinking we could just have fun when he visits. If only I can keep this as casual.
But now, my low self-worth is creeping back in. I feel like I’m not worthy of love because it feels like no one is willing to put in the effort for me. I feel like someone who is easily set aside, rather than someone a man would be afraid to lose. I know logically that his limitations don't define my worth, but I just want to be chosen and loved after such a long time.
I feel lonely and like I’ve missed my chances. I’ve been working on myself for years, yet I feel like I haven't solved anything. Hong Kong feels like a snow globe where nothing happens organically; it’s all dating apps. I’m 36 and I just want to love and be loved, but I’m struggling to even be with myself. I feel really hopeless. What do I do?
edit some details so it doesn't connect to my real identity.
Edit: Thank you everyone for reality check. I needed this. In fact everyone is advising me similar things and I decided to focus on myself for the time being. Hopefully I can love myself fully and enjoy my own company before I jump into things.
Someone said I am the walking red flag and yeah, it hurt reading that but it is reality. I don’t want to be someone else’s reason to sworn off relationships.