u/Leading-Topic-9856

IM SO OVER IT.

the last two guys i dated where absolutely horrible. one cheated, the other was a avoidant narcissist. any guy i meet or let take me on a date just wants to have s*xul interactions with me. i’m so so over it. i’m so over modern dating. i give up. i genuinely don’t understand how people find good people anymore.

sorry just had to get that crash out into the world and out of my mind.

I’m honestly so sick and tired to trying to find someone online. Anyone i meet is only interested in sexual activity or non-committed relationships. I try to tell myself someone will come up but it’s hard when i keep meeting these people who don’t align with me and my values online.

How in the world you guys just meet people organically? Any tips or tricks on things I could do?

About three weeks ago, this guy (18m)asked me (19f)out on a date. i was at the end of getting over a break-up and told him i wasn’t ready, that i needed time but would be open to being friends/ chatting if he wanted to go on a date when i was ready. He agreed and said he would wait because he wanted to take me on a date that badly. we talk as friends for about two weeks, getting to know each other more, talking about our days ect. then i decided i was ready to go on a date with him and let him know that. we planned a date, he picked me up and met my parents then took me to my favorite local mexican restaurant and we drove around my small town talking for about a hour afterwards. the date went really well, there wasn’t a single awkward moment and our conversations flowed nicely. at the end of the date when he dropped me back off and asked if i thought it was second date worthy because he had a good time with me and wanted to go out again, i said yes it definitely was and i had a good time with him as well.

the next day we plan our second date and chat consistently until that day arrives. the second date went even better than the first and we both had a great time. following that date we chat over the phone all night.

the catch here is now ever since that date(about 4 days ago) he’s been very inconsistent talking to me. we’ve actually barley spoken at all. it feels like he’s pulling away from me because he went from so chatty and wanting to see me to now not chatty and there’s no talk of seeing each other again. our conversations have been small and dry, or us complimenting each others pictures we send.

what do you think could be happening on his end? i’m confused and trying to figure out where it went wrong. he went from so eager to take me out, then after he got the chance too he starts acting distant.

my ex broke up with me (for the 4th time) 3 weeks ago. when we starting talking he was fresh out of a relationship where he got cheated on, and treated pretty poorly according to what him, his friends and his family told me. essentially him getting cheated on was “a way out” for him because he was over the relationship, and he had his eyes on me before entering this relationship (i was in a relationship at the time) and for the last few weeks of it when he was considering leaving his ex before she she cheated making it easy for him to leave. after they broke up they stayed in contact/ still hung out for a while and when his ex found out i was single and he was texting me trying to get with me she got very angry. a few days into us talking he cut her off completely.

we talked for a month then started dating. our relationship was good, really until the the last 4 months of it. he treated me pretty poorly in these months, breaking up and coming back days later, putting little to no effort in, blaming me for all of our problems. i didn’t leave because i was so stuck on how he treated me in the beginning and his potential to treat me like that again.

during our relationship i thought he was quite over his ex, i mean she cheated on him who would think he still wanted her after that? he never had anything positive to say about her, his friends never had anything positive to say, and his mother most of all did not have anything positive to say(his ex drunk texted him on NYE that she loved him and wanted to see him happy, he sent it to his mom and she replied with something along the lines of “f-inv dirty wh**e”). i mean after all when someone treats you poorly and then cheats on you, what could you say that is positive about them?

here’s where im starting to connect dots:

during our relationship he kept heavy tabs on her. he found out when she starting dating a new guy, and when she cheated on this new guy TWICE with the SAME GUY she cheated on my ex with. he also found out when she starting dating this boy he used to be friends with ( he was so upset he took his truck and did a burnout outside the boys house). he found out where she went for spring break, and another little random facts here and there. during one of our break ups after we got back together i caught that he had looked up her snapchat, he claimed he just wanted to see if her current boyfriend was still there because he anticipated their relationship not lasting. now looking back on all of this i realize it’s kinda odd and obsessive and definitely a red flag. he made it seem like this information stumbled across him but now i think he was looking for it.

towards the end of our relationship he refused to put me on his profile, and untagged himself in posts i tagged him in. i told him it felt like he was hiding me and didn’t want someone to know we were together. he told me that was not the case and its childish for him to have me on his profile. another red flag i shouldn’t have ignored. he got really distant, starting withdrawling efforts (especially on our one year anniversary he did a horrible job with that) and it caused me to have some anxiety and i asked him for a lot of reassurance that there wasn’t another girl, and that he wasn’t going to leave to which he felt overwhelmed and felt like he “wasn’t doing enough” (which he wasn’t) and said “well my last girlfriend didn’t ask for reassurance and she cheated on me with my best friend so maybe i should give it” (LITERALLY MENTIONING HIS EX!!). When we were breaking up he accused me of “not being ready for a relationship” and “needing time” because i broke up with my first ex 3 months prior and had a few talking stages leading up to our relationship. i told him in return, that i was 100% ready for a new relationship, and maybe he wasn’t ready for a relationship with me because we started dating a month after he got cheated on and it seems like he never got over his ex and what she did to him. he had no response to that statement.

Just days after us breaking up he was suddenly following her on social media, and just today ( about just over two weeks post break up) someone sent me a picture they posted together. now everything is starting to click in my head. the tabs on his ex, not wanting me on his profiles, the way he treated me, ect. it all makes sense now. i don’t think he ever got over her and i was just a void filler/ rebound for him to make his ex mad.

im not going to lie when i found all of this out i cried at first. but now i understand that i definitely showed him the best love he’s ever experienced, and he decided to throw me away to go be with a horrible person like her. in my opinion this is best case scenario for me because i know she’s a downgrade and i know this is the lowest he could go. this may be feeding my ego a tad, but it’s also giving me piece knowing that im not longer with someone who acts in such a immature way. obviously he’s got a lot of emotional problems he needs to face and im glad i dont have to be apart of that anymore. when she cheats on him again i have a feeling he’ll come crawling back, and when he does i will be so ready to reject him.

please, learn from me and my mistakes and avoid people like this!!!