u/LeadProfessional6429

I’m just fresh out of college, and have zero working experience in any field.

My partner had a fwb in the past who he met only 1–2 times a year. Despite his initial reminder of keeping it strictly casual, she ended up falling in love with him.

When we started seeing each other, he tried to cut off all loose ends, and end communication with her but she REFUSED to accept it. She would cry and send him numerous texts, emails, and calls from random numbers, convincing him to stay despite being blocked on most platforms.

When I found out, I told him he needed to make it clear that it was over to prevent this from happening again. It was difficult for me to believe he actually ended things clearly because of the way she behaved. At my request, he video called her again for the last time while I was sitting next to him to tell her to stop all communication. She was not aware I was there and tried to convince him to stay even though he mentioned he was now in a serious relationship. She broke down, bombarding him with personal questions about who the new woman in his life was, where I was from, whether we started having sex, and if the sex was good, and refused to end the conversation which made him block her again. She then sent a long email convincing him how "special" their time and described all the moments she could recall that made her feel that what they had was real, despite it starting off as a “non serious relationship”

By then, it had been several months of being with him and all of this began to disturb me mentally and kept me awake at night. I grew suspicious, wondering if there was more to the story. I was raised in a country and culture where women rarely pursue men, let alone get this obsessed, so it was hard to believe it really was non serious and wondered if he ever gave her mixed signals that led things there. I also started having second thoughts and worried about being in a relationship where someone else was in despair, feeling it wasn't right that she was ignored without closure.

I eventually reached out to her to hear her side of the story but she simply refused to talk about it. I asked her if she was ever in a serious relationship with him but she refused to answer that question and said that it was too painful to talk. I respected that and ended the conversation then and there.

However, six months later, I found out she had blocked my number before calling my partner repeatedly for months to try and win him back. Feeling so enraged, I texted her from my partner’s phone asking why she was doing this, especially since she knew we were in a serious relationship and our families had met and our marriage was fixed.

She began cussing at me and speaking disrespectfully, claiming I was the "other woman" and that they were in a real relationship, not a casual one. I was so confused, I told her I had literally been there when she admitted on video call that it was non-serious and she was just a fwb but she told me I was just a dumb stupid woman who believed whatever my boyfriend said and I don’t know the real story, and what really went on between them. The disrespect and confusion was all so draining I had to stop the conversation. I began to feel nauseous and felt sick to my stomach that entire day and even puked on the way home.

I felt too drained to even talk about it that day to my boyfriend so I kept it to myself. My boyfriend eventually found the conversation on his phone, he called her immediately and yelled at her, asking how dare she disrespect his girlfriend like that, reminding her once again that she was ever nothing but a FWB to him and to fuck off from his life. I thought the cussing and yelling was uncalled for, but he said her disrespecting and manipulating me was his last straw and he couldn’t help but be enraged. We left it at that.

Months later, this still keeps me up. I can’t wrap my head around why a woman would behave this way towards any man, especially one that was only a fwb. To this day it still bothers me. As someone who also tends to carry self-blame, I can’t help but internalise some of the comments she made. I know it’s all over, but the months of lost sleep and anxiety and some of her words still disturbs and keep me up at night. On the positive side, I have a wonderful man who goes above and beyond for me. My past was very different, I only ever wanted to date to marry and save myself for the right guy…and it has been difficult to accept his past of “casuals” especially after the issues it caused in our present. But I’m grateful to have a supportive person who always had my back who is super loving and caring.

My partner and I have had our fair share of ups and downs but one of the things that remained constant is how much of a huge crush I have on him.

Most times I try to hide it, I try my best not to smile or be shy, especially when we’re in the middle of a serious conversation, but he looks sooooo hot that I end up looking away for a second and hiding my smile. Sometimes this happens even during arguments when I am still upset about something but then just his one straight look at me gets me so distracted that I end up blushing and trying to hide it. Damn….

This has also happened numerous times mid convo when we laugh and I get distracted by how hot he looks when he laughs…he is a very easy going, chill guy and we laugh a lot. In fact, my favourite compliment of his is that I’m really funny. I don’t think I’m a funny woman and no one has ever said that to me but I’m glad I can make him laugh so easily cuz at least I get to see his pretty smile often. It’s so awesome!

I’m currently in a long distance relationship with someone doing an onshore job. He used to sail in the past and has been wanting to sail again. However I’ve started to become very worried about what the future entails with the type of career he has. In the past he has told me he will make career changes accordingly to ensure we can start living together soon but now he says that he wants to start sailing another 6-8 years and is only willing to do an onshore job after that.

I felt like that is such a long time…initially I didn’t care much about long distance as my career would be in aviation which would require me to be away often too, but as per our initial plan, I wanted to retire young and live together soon. I am only 22 now and he is 32…8 years feel like a long time of on and off distance for me and I am afraid I made a decision to be in such a relationship hastily without considering these aspects.

For those of you who have been in long term relationships and marriages with this type of career, how was it? Is it possible to maintain a healthy and stable relationship with such frequent long distance? I tend to be an emotionally dependent person in a relationship so long distance can be a concern. Any advice is appreciated. Please share your experiences.

I’m currently in a long distance relationship with someone doing an onshore job. He used to sail in the past and has been wanting to sail again. However I’ve started to become very worried about what the future entails with the type of career he has. In the past he has told me he will make career changes accordingly to ensure we can start living together soon but now he says that he wants to start sailing another 6-8 years and is only willing to do an onshore job after that.

I felt like that is such a long time…initially I didn’t care much about long distance as my career would be in aviation which would require me to be away often too, but as per our initial plan, I wanted to retire young and live together soon. I am only 22 now and he is 32…8 years feel like a long time of on and off distance for me and I am afraid I made a decision to be in such a relationship hastily without considering these aspects.

For those of you who have been in long term relationships and marriages with this type of career, how was it? Is it possible to maintain a healthy and stable relationship with such frequent long distance? I tend to be an emotionally dependent person in a relationship so long distance can be a concern. Any advice is appreciated. Please share your experiences.

I’m currently in a long distance relationship with someone doing an onshore job. He used to sail in the past and has been wanting to sail again. However I’ve started to become very worried about what the future entails with the type of career he has. In the past he has told me he will make career changes accordingly to ensure we can start living together soon but now he says that he wants to start sailing another 6-8 years and is only willing to do an onshore job after that.

I felt like that is such a long time…initially I didn’t care much about long distance as my career would be in aviation which would require me to be away often too, but as per our initial plan, I wanted to retire young and live together soon. I am only 22 now and he is 32…8 years feel like a long time of on and off distance for me and I am afraid I made a decision to be in such a relationship hastily without considering these aspects.

For those of you who have been in long term relationships and marriages with this type of career, how was it? Is it possible to maintain a healthy and stable relationship with such frequent long distance? I tend to be an emotionally dependent person in a relationship so long distance can be a concern. Any advice is appreciated. Please share your experiences.