Marriage in trouble
*posted in other groups that are more prone to recommend leaving*
I (31 F) have been married to my husband (32 M) for 10 years. We have 4 young children and are really struggling right now. While we have had a good marriage, there has always been underlying issues (sexual impurities, conflict resolution, emotional regulation). A few years ago he confessed to cheating during our marriage and multiple times while we were dating and it really affected me for a while. It took about 2 years to trust him again and I honestly don’t think I properly healed from it all. A few months ago I found him talking with another woman. After that I set strict boundaries to try to help myself with processing everything and figure out what I need to do (no sex or affection). Within a week of this boundary being in place, we realized how much he was relying on me for regulating his emotions and how much he relied on sex to feel loved. A couple days ago I looked through his phone on Reddit and he was messaging a woman. He got upset and said he is doing it because we haven’t had sex. He admitted he is learning what causes him to act on these temptations and is trying to understand it better so he can work towards resolving the issues.
I am stuck between patiently waiting for him to become better or leave knowing that I can’t take waiting for change anymore. I have completely checked out emotionally/mentally to protect myself from being hurt again. I just never thought I’d be in a position where divorce is a possibility in my life and the hurt it will cause my kids is very hard for me to process. I know building a wall to protect myself from being hurt again isn’t going to help our marriage, but I am unable to be vulnerable right now. That’s really where my dilemma falls, will I ever be willing to open up again knowing that I could get hurt after multiple times of already going through it.
Any advice, prayers or similar stories would be appreciated.
He does have childhood trauma and is currently in therapy.