u/Key-Structure4841

Whether I’m making music, playing a competitive game, or even sometimes just existing, I find myself wanting to hurry up and “make the greatest song of all time” or “play perfectly and achieve a high rank” and it sucks all the fun out of everything I do.

Failure especially is what I want to learn how to get through. When I fail it sucks and I get so focused on not failing the next time that it’s more likely to happen because of it.

I want to learn how to have fun and enjoy the process despite failing, despite not achieving the outcome I want.

This isn’t a universal truth for me per se, but it applies to something I’ve experienced recently. I recently got a job and I usually make an effort to spark up conversations with my coworkers when I can, and they just never seemed to reciprocate. Every time I was talking to them it always seemed like they could care less, would rather be doing literally anything else.

So I just stopped caring all together. I made it a game to see if I could press onward despite their lack of enthusiasm and desire to converse. I spoke to them in a way that says “you know what, this is something I’d like, I’m making an effort to connect with you and if you aren’t going to reciprocate that’s fine, I’ll find someone who does.” I didn’t actually say this, but this was the vibe I was giving off, that I could walk away any time and not have a care in the world. This is who I am. Like me or not.

And that’s when they started coming around. It never makes any sense to me but this has been my experience with so many other things. The less you care about something, the more of it you seem to get. This applies to girls, friendships, even skills. If you’re having fun there’s no way you can lose.

When it happens with people who I find unattractive I get really creeped out. Like there’s this woman that I work with, late 40s, and she has made many attempts at getting my attention, at some points just straight up staring at me.

And now every time I see her she adjusts her pants and flips her hair and I am just creeped the hell out. This is one of those situations where ignorance is bliss