u/International-Tax709

AITAH for ending a friendship after finding out I likely won’t be invited to her wedding?

I (late 20s F) had a close-ish friend who recently got into a serious relationship very quickly. Within a few months she started talking about engagement, moving countries, wedding plans, etc. I’ll admit this triggered some insecurities in me because I’ve struggled with dating/commitment myself.

For context, earlier in the friendship there were a couple situations that made her uncomfortable. One involved me sharing information I knew about her current fiancé because I know and am friends with some of his friend group. The things I shared weren’t scandalous drama or gossip, more like factual/background information that I genuinely thought was helpful or relevant for her to know. Another situation involved drama between her brother and his girlfriend — the girlfriend is my friend and had confided in me, and I ended up discussing some of that situation too. I never intended harm and never bad mouthed anyone, but she felt I crossed boundaries and I apologized for it. Recently, when we hung out, I actually made an effort not to ask questions or bring up her fiancé because she had previously said she didn’t feel comfortable discussing him with me.

Then recently I asked casually if I’d even be told/invited regarding the wedding stuff, and she basically explained that while she thinks I’m a good person with many positive qualities, she doesn’t fully feel comfortable having me around her fiancé/family because of those past situations. She said she doesn’t think I’m malicious, but that it created discomfort for her and her loved ones and she doesn’t want that around such an important event.

She sent a very kind message saying she admires me, thinks I’m thoughtful/funny/adventurous/motivated, etc., and emphasized she doesn’t think I’m a bad person. She also acknowledged that I had improved recently and respected her boundary last time we hung out.

But honestly, after hearing all that, I realized I couldn’t continue the friendship. To me it felt like: “I like you, but I don’t fully trust you in the parts of my life that matter most.” I told her I respect her choice, but I can’t continue a friendship where there’s that level of discomfort/lack of trust around major life events because that’s not how I emotionally viewed our friendship.

Some of my friends think she’s fake and that a real friend wouldn’t exclude me like that. Others think she’s entitled to her boundaries and that I’m overreacting by ending the friendship.

AITAH?

There’s a guy at my gym who works there, and he’s known for being very flirty with basically everyone, including me. But lately it feels like we’ve gotten noticeably closer, and I can’t tell whether he genuinely likes me or just enjoys attention/flirting in general.

He’ll spend entire gym sessions chatting with me, follow me around, randomly come lie/stretch near me “like a cat” lol, show me random things like his sleep stats on his watch, etc. One time I was trying to work on my laptop before class started and he kept talking to me so much that I literally had to tell him, “I actually need to work for a bit” so he’d stop distracting me.

There have also been moments that felt a little more personal/intimate. One time he was eating cake and I jokingly asked for a bite, and he literally picked up the remaining piece with the knife and was about to feed it to me himself. I awkwardly ruined the moment by asking if he’d already licked the knife because I hate sharing utensils 😭 and he immediately stopped.

Another thing: there was another guy at the gym I used to flirt with/had a crush on, and my friend would noticeably act weird whenever he saw us talking. He’d suddenly look away, stare at his phone, avoid looking at us, etc. He even once told me, “Why are you going after him? He’s not even the same religion as you. You should date someone from your own religion.”

The ironic part is that he technically comes from the same religion/culture as me, but he doesn’t practice it at all and openly dislikes it. I’m religious and don’t believe in sex before marriage, which he constantly teases me about and says is “weird.” Meanwhile, he openly talks/acts like someone who just hooks up casually and avoids serious relationships.

Lately, whenever the gym group wants to hang out, he makes sure I’m coming and gets visibly annoyed if I don’t show up. At a group dinner recently, one of our mutual friends asked him when he wants to get married. Before answering, he looked directly at me and held eye contact, then said he wants to wait until he’s financially stable because right now he’s overworking as a trainer just to make ends meet, and he doesn’t think that lifestyle is sustainable long term.

Later, the same friend jokingly asked me right in front of him if I liked him, and I smiled awkwardly and said, “He’s just a friend.” The truth is, I did have a huge crush on him for a while, but his behavior with women and his attitude toward relationships make him feel very unserious to me.

I genuinely can’t tell if:

• he actually likes me specifically,
• he just likes the attention/validation,
• or if he likes me but sees me as “too religious” / incompatible for the kind of lifestyle he wants.

From an outside perspective, what does this sound like?

There’s a guy at my gym who works there, and he’s known for being very flirty with basically everyone, including me. But lately it feels like we’ve gotten noticeably closer, and I can’t tell whether he genuinely likes me or just enjoys attention/flirting in general.

He’ll spend entire gym sessions chatting with me, follow me around, randomly come lie/stretch near me “like a cat” lol, show me random things like his sleep stats on his watch, etc. One time I was trying to work on my laptop before class started and he kept talking to me so much that I literally had to tell him, “I actually need to work for a bit” so he’d stop distracting me.

There have also been moments that felt a little more personal/intimate. One time he was eating cake and I jokingly asked for a bite, and he literally picked up the remaining piece with the knife and was about to feed it to me himself. I awkwardly ruined the moment by asking if he’d already licked the knife because I hate sharing utensils 😭 and he immediately stopped.

Another thing: there was another guy at the gym I used to flirt with/had a crush on, and my friend would noticeably act weird whenever he saw us talking. He’d suddenly look away, stare at his phone, avoid looking at us, etc. He even once told me, “Why are you going after him? He’s not even the same religion as you. You should date someone from your own religion.”

The ironic part is that he technically comes from the same religion/culture as me, but he doesn’t practice it at all and openly dislikes it. I’m religious and don’t believe in sex before marriage, which he constantly teases me about and says is “weird.” Meanwhile, he openly talks/acts like someone who just hooks up casually and avoids serious relationships.

Lately, whenever the gym group wants to hang out, he makes sure I’m coming and gets visibly annoyed if I don’t show up. At a group dinner recently, one of our mutual friends asked him when he wants to get married. Before answering, he looked directly at me and held eye contact, then said he wants to wait until he’s financially stable because right now he’s overworking as a trainer just to make ends meet, and he doesn’t think that lifestyle is sustainable long term.

Later, the same friend jokingly asked me right in front of him if I liked him, and I smiled awkwardly and said, “He’s just a friend.” The truth is, I did have a huge crush on him for a while, but his behavior with women and his attitude toward relationships make him feel very unserious to me.

I genuinely can’t tell if:

• he actually likes me specifically,
• he just likes the attention/validation,
• or if he likes me but sees me as “too religious” / incompatible for the kind of lifestyle he wants.

From an outside perspective, what does this sound like?